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Thread: My Past Is Haunting Me

  1. #11
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Fantasies are ok, everybody does it. You must realize that the fantasies about your ex's are not real, your love for them died a long time ago. What matters is who you love now, and that's your husband.

  2. #12
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    Sorry if my advice isn't great because I'm not religious at all. So in my circles doing sexual things before marriage is perfectly fine. But from your beliefs I understand why you may feel like this. The trouble is that you can't change the past. So really the best thing to do would be to go to therapy and work on accepting your past and moving on from it.

    Yes I think lusting is normal because biologically we are actually programmed to think of sex for procreation reasons. I will say though that Christian or not, fixating on your ex's is just a bad idea. I'd give this advice to anyone. They are in the past and now you are married to someone else. Most people don't really think about their ex's much, or if they do it's only in passing. If it's ruining your marriage then you really need to forget about your ex's and move on. Being stuck in the past and ruminating on things we did is just not helpful because we can't undo them.

  3. #13
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    First thing is first blaming yourself for your past and the decisions that you made in the past is makes sense, you not so proud of it ,cant take that away from you and you shouldnt try to take it away or forget it or try to get rid of it at all.Because of it im sure you have done some good cause of the past because of what you learned from it how you are now married with a husband for 4 years which im sure you love which is different from your past .Think about it if it wasn't for your past relationships that weren't right for you would you have known that your husband was the one you wanted to be with ,the one you wanted more that just having a physical relationship with .

    Secondly for all the bad things that you hate yourself for doing if you think about it im sure there are more good things that have come out of it and i think you should be proud of yourself and take responsibility of the good just as much as for the bad thinks that you are being hard for doing which are not that big of a deal at all.
    And you dont have to be perfect you have to be human which comes with making mistakes which is fine but to take it a step further and do what you did that is to learn from it and to become a better person by it is going above and beyond and that makes you a good person.

    About your husband leaving you i think its best that you talk to him about what you went through , how it made you feel and what you did about it and all the good change that it brought to you ,being here and asking for other peoples opnion tells me that you are a good person and you hasve to show him that even if you did all these things that you not so proud of,you worked on and came out the other side as a better person cause of it and

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