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Thread: Full Disclosure - Is honesty the best policy?

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'm of the mindset that couples should advocate for honesty and working things out together and being their authentic selves without the use of therapy or the consistent use of therapy. I'm not addressing serious mental health issues. I'm speaking more about minor issues like this one and yes, I do regard this as a very minor issue: they are in the dating phase, it's only been one year, it's regarding an old fling and we're talking about a wedding event that may be of no importance in the first place.

    Second, if you don't mind me saying, the issue with your husband this morning (thanks for sharing this) is in an established relationship not a new relationship as with the OP. Again, minor issue weighed against a shorter relationship vs minor issue weighed against an established relationship. The contexts are different. In your situation, I would have done the same thing. I don't believe in making someone feel even worse when that person is able to self-regulate (as your husband seems to do). I don't think it's helpful to make anyone feel bad but sometimes as we all know emotions do come out especially where there are kids and they're affected in some way.

    I don't mind chit chatting. I think we agree on a lot of points. I'm just not willing to roll over so easily and keep this kind of information to myself that early in a relationship and I do treat it as a form of respect to keep my partner informed. There's a possibility that things may go poorly if he finds out from someone else but I haven't addressed that because it shouldn't get to that point. Anyway, we could go on. Thanks for chatting though.
    I understand your perspective. I am not a fan of therapy or counseling at all as a first resort. In this case it alarms me a great deal that a person would have sex with a known sex offender. Alarming enough that if she hasn't sought counseling or at least done some reading on making such a destructive choice I think she should do so. I too dislike how people suggest therapy -to me -at the drop of a hat.

    Very nice distinction about short term relationship vs. long term and how disclosure/choices differ.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Who, exactly, would benefit from raising the issue? If you honestly believe that people at a wedding would deliberately try to sabotage your relationship by stepping so far out of bounds with your current BF, then I would skip the idea of brings a plus one to the thing, or I'd rethink my relationship with the bride and groom, change my RSVP, and send a nice gift.

    It makes no sense to burden a perfectly good partner with dirt that he can do nothing about but feel lousy.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Who, exactly, would benefit from raising the issue? If you honestly believe that people at a wedding would deliberately try to sabotage your relationship by stepping so far out of bounds with your current BF, then I would skip the idea of brings a plus one to the thing, or I'd rethink my relationship with the bride and groom, change my RSVP, and send a nice gift.

    It makes no sense to burden a perfectly good partner with dirt that he can do nothing about but feel lousy.
    Yes, that is how I feel about this situation and I love the suggestion someone first made above about skipping the wedding (or not bringing the boyfriend).

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