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Thread: Early dating and sexual health

  1. #31
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    There are those who feel it's necessary to place the sex cards on the table right away and swap STDs tests etc before they have sex. Only then can they feel comfortable and safe.

    There are those who are put off by it and don't want to talk about it or swap any tests.

    I personally think the second group is why the number of STDs are so high, but either way...these different types of people are not compatible in the bedroom and most likely not compatible in a relationship.

  2. #32
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    Funny (or not so funny......) but the biggest rise in herpes today is in Senior Living Communities, where seniors are widowed or divorced, and are just now experimenting sexually after having been monogamous for many decades. They don't even think to ask about STD's, because well.....they just don't.

    And to FigureItOut's post about not allowing anyone to kiss your baby.....yes, this is so important! HSV-1 (the cold sore type) can be transmitted to a baby's face, and it will remain in that spot for the rest of that child's life, and it is much more dangerous for a baby than an adult.

    I also for a while sold the herpes drug (Valtrex) as a rep, so I learned waaaaaay more than I'd ever want to know about herpes, lol. They gave us these huge bright yellow vinyl tote bags with the gigantic "Valtrex" logo across the bag, so we all joked that we'd grab our "Herpes bags" to go to the beach.

    In my situation, as I said, I hung up the phone on that guy who told me he had herpes after the fact. But I had dated a guy prior to him, who was very open with me about his having herpes, who brought me brochures to read, etc. I continued dating him for a while but never had sex; when we broke up, the herpes had nothing to do with it. Point is: Just be honest and up front, if you do have something.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    And to FigureItOut's post about not allowing anyone to kiss your baby
    I've read quite a few articles now on babies either dying (yes, dying!) over contracting serious germs from kisses or getting very sick.

    They're not kidding when they say don't let people handle your baby too much and no kisses.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Setting aside the `would you or wouldn't you' debate ~

    This woman is clearly wanting details and it's apparently very important - to her.
    Whether it's about your sexual history or your view on animal rights.

    At this point you've withheld a piece of information that I'm pretty sure you know that she'd want to know.
    Everyone has a different view on this.
    But based on what you've shared, my guess is she'd be livid that you deliberately chose to withhold this information.

    I'm making no judgments here. Sounds like you've made choices you are comfortable with and handled them responsibly.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Be dead on honest. My gf had it, we used protection most of the time, I've personally never had symptoms or got tested. That's all you can do. However stop allowing excessive interrogations on her part. If she is that paranoid she needs to join a convent.

  7. #36
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    Thanks everyone for your comments.

    The best thing I can do is have an honest conversation with her but it will most likely not include me disclosing what I did with my ex and her status. That's private. And I certainly don't want to know a detailed account of her sexual history. All we need to know is whether we are infected or not. I will talk to her about the need for both of us to get tested before we go any further. If she goes further in asking more about my previous relationships and sexual history, I'll call it off as I don't think this has a role in dating, especially in early stages. Some people (or even her) may disagree but that's life.

    It is unfortunate that she only went on about how paranoid she was about it AFTER we had sex. We talked about getting tested for the major STIs (which I did) and the fact that the test doesn't include herpes (and testing for herpes without symptoms is not recommended as per medical guidelines over here) before it and she was fine with it then. I never had any symnptoms and she can't know her herpes status for sure either, so to me it's fair game. She has the right to be 'paranoid' about sexual health and I don't hold this against her at all, obviously. But we'll have to see if we are on the same page about it. I have a good feeling about this girl and we seem to connect in many ways so hopefully this will just be a bump on the road.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Morello
    It is unfortunate that she only went on about how paranoid she was about it AFTER we had sex.
    It really is, I have to say.

    I admit I don't quite know how one goes about having an honest conversation in this situation without telling her where that conversation is coming from. "Hey, I was thinking about our last chat, which got me thinking about about how herpes, which, as mentioned, and similar to you, I didn't test for because I'm asymptomatic and always has been, can still be in the blood stream of 1 in 6 people, so I think we should both get that blood test so we can move forward without any concerns?"

    That's all above board stuff, and some admirably extra mile stuff, but isn't it still obfuscation?

    In terms of straight up honestly, I'm in agreement with what Wiseman offered. You lay out those facts, adding that you've made an appointment to get the blood test and would be most comfortable, moving forward, if she'd do the same. Odds are that the kind of woman you want to date will hear all that, be a touch jittery but understanding, wait for the results while waiting for her own, and when everything comes back negative you guys get to roll and romp after going through a little bump together, rather than in different vehicles, one (hers) with a greater blind spot than the other (yours).

  9. #38
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    This is a difficult one. I don't feel great about disclosing my sexual life to such detail given I'm not willing to ask her to do the same and don't want to know. The fact I had sex with someone with herpes who was taking anti-herpes medication doesn't necessarily put me in higher risk than one who, for example, had oral sex with 3 other guys this year, which she may very well have done. At this stage, she already knows much more about my sexual history than I know about hers.

    But anyway, I think I'll just tell her everything and if we are not meant to continue dating, so be it. I think that's pretty much what is going to happen anyway.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Fair is irrelevant in relationships. They are optional on both sides.

    But. If you want a relationship with her, honesty is the best policy.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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