Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15

Thread: Is it cheating

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    28

    Is it cheating

    I met a guy a year ago. Perhaps my life with kids and corporate life was too isolated. We went through a very passionate secret sex and further into love but we stopped due to difficult situation of myself and also he finished his expatriate period and went back home. We both were betraying our partners and that is why I regret a lot. We kept sort of on and off contact by email even we knew we didn't have hope anymore for about a year, such as memory of certain special moments. We didn't see each other. Recently he asked me to see him when he visited my place again. After thinking back and forth, I decided to see him and rekindle kind of old memory. The love was still passionate and I kind of came to a term that he's back home with his wife and kid. My mind was in peace. He asked to meet 2 times a year. I sort of agreed with it.

    However, just a one week ago, on his social media, I discovered that he had a newly born son with his wife. I counted the time back, it happened just during our passionate love, I couldn't believe all those days, we were still connected. I confronted with him, and he said that the son was not born out of love but out of accident. He didn't prepare to have kid as he drank a lot. His wife counted the wrong safety period. I couldn't believe my eyes that the lie could be spoken out so casually.

    I have been through very difficult week since then. It was true pain that I took 3 sleeping pills that I couldn't fall in sleep. Heart pain. I couldn't believe my eyes. Could this be considered a cheating? I know I am wrong in my marriage too. Is it a revenge to me?

    How could I meet him again? It's truly slapping my face that I was so stupid.

    Thank you for any words that you can share with me. I really feel a sudden heart pain to have seen all of this.
    Last edited by possum&blacknose; 07-23-2019 at 06:13 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,009
    It isn't cheating to have sex with his own wife, no. He owes you no fidelity of any sort. I am rather astonished you even ask that, but here we are.

    I think their new baby is a badly-needed wakeup call for you, though. You needed to understand that he is not serious about you and is continuing to live his life without any regard for you. You are both married and your heart should not be this attached to someone else. You unfortunately let yourself get carried away with the fantasy, whereas he sees you just as some side-fun.

    It's time to cut this guy off and redirect your focus to your marriage. If it's in trouble, and you're unhappy or bored, concentrate on either fixing those issues or leaving. As you can see, turning outside your marriage was a big mistake.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    28
    Thank you for your words. I feel so much hurt from it. I understand it perfectly it is a wake up call. He used me when he's lonely. I feel fully cheated but it is perfectly not even can be considered as cheating. But why does he need to meet me twice a year without committment? What is that related?

    He told me that he had no communication and no passion for his wife, however, it turned out it all wrong.

    I don't know how to let go this heart pain feeling.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,009
    Originally Posted by possum&blacknose
    . But why does he need to meet me twice a year without committment? What is that related?
    For sex, OP.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    28
    Thank you and I blocked and cut off all social media and emails with this guy. There's no way for me to trust him and I fully confess myself. But I feel a lot of pain that I need to find a way to cope with it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,601
    Gender
    Female
    I'm sorry but how can you be asking if this guy cheated on YOU? You are both married with kids. You are his mistress. He was cheating on his wife with YOU. That's a bit of a far-fetched question! I don't know what you were expecting to happen because unless both of you left your spouse, it was only going to be sex and an affair. Yes I can imagine it hurts but I think you were looking at this through rose coloured glasses. I don't think it's love because he didn't say he wants to leave his wife for you. Therefore he chooses his wife and his family, not you. He wants to meet you twice a year for sex, for an affair. His wife and children are still waiting for him at home and that's where he goes all the rest of the time, back to them.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    28
    Totally true. I was told that his wife no longer needed him and she only focused on his kids. He's not loved. I felt guilty that I didn't treat him well and stopped loving him. I really think it's all upside down and nothing is correct. I am leaving this completely and have cut off all fantansy with no mercy on him anymore. It should have stopped since last year. Those memory held me to get on with him. All in all, it is my own mistake. Thank you for having me realised this. I feel very pain though, but I get all in perspective.

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    28
    Now I am really needing to know how to go through this pain. I feel so much pain after being in such upside down situation...

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,116
    Originally Posted by possum&blacknose
    I met a guy a year ago. Perhaps my life with kids and corporate life was too isolated. We went through a very passionate secret sex and further into love but we stopped due to difficult situation of myself and also he finished his expatriate period and went back home. We both were betraying our partners and that is why I regret a lot. We kept sort of on and off contact by email even we knew we didn't have hope anymore for about a year, such as memory of certain special moments. We didn't see each other. Recently he asked me to see him when he visited my place again. After thinking back and forth, I decided to see him and rekindle kind of old memory. The love was still passionate and I kind of came to a term that he's back home with his wife and kid. My mind was in peace. He asked to meet 2 times a year. I sort of agreed with it.

    However, just a one week ago, on his social media, I discovered that he had a newly born son with his wife. I counted the time back, it happened just during our passionate love, I couldn't believe all those days, we were still connected. I confronted with him, and he said that the son was not born out of love but out of accident. He didn't prepare to have kid as he drank a lot. His wife counted the wrong safety period. I couldn't believe my eyes that the lie could be spoken out so casually.

    I have been through very difficult week since then. It was true pain that I took 3 sleeping pills that I couldn't fall in sleep. Heart pain. I couldn't believe my eyes. Could this be considered a cheating? I know I am wrong in my marriage too. Is it a revenge to me?

    How could I meet him again? It's truly slapping my face that I was so stupid.

    Thank you for any words that you can share with me. I really feel a sudden heart pain to have seen all of this.
    I cannot comprehend your thinking! You are asking if he cheated on you with his wife? This is laughable.

    Both you and this guy are morally corrupt. I feel for both of your partners and the child. I hope they find out and dump you both.

    Time to become less selfish and become a better human being.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,116
    Originally Posted by possum&blacknose
    Thank you for your words. I feel so much hurt from it. I understand it perfectly it is a wake up call. He used me when he's lonely. I feel fully cheated but it is perfectly not even can be considered as cheating. But why does he need to meet me twice a year without committment? What is that related?

    He told me that he had no communication and no passion for his wife, however, it turned out it all wrong.

    I don't know how to let go this heart pain feeling.
    Wake up. He only wants you for sex. You cannot be so naive to believe what he says.

    I suggest you share YOUR cheating with your partner. He has a right to know. Did you ever consider how much pain you would inflict on your husband and children with your cheating? Terrible.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •