Is it cheating

I met a guy a year ago. Perhaps my life with kids and corporate life was too isolated. We went through a very passionate secret sex and further into love but we stopped due to difficult situation of myself and also he finished his expatriate period and went back home. We both were betraying our partners and that is why I regret a lot. We kept sort of on and off contact by email even we knew we didn't have hope anymore for about a year, such as memory of certain special moments. We didn't see each other. Recently he asked me to see him when he visited my place again. After thinking back and forth, I decided to see him and rekindle kind of old memory. The love was still passionate and I kind of came to a term that he's back home with his wife and kid. My mind was in peace. He asked to meet 2 times a year. I sort of agreed with it.

However, just a one week ago, on his social media, I discovered that he had a newly born son with his wife. I counted the time back, it happened just during our passionate love, I couldn't believe all those days, we were still connected. I confronted with him, and he said that the son was not born out of love but out of accident. He didn't prepare to have kid as he drank a lot. His wife counted the wrong safety period. I couldn't believe my eyes that the lie could be spoken out so casually.

I have been through very difficult week since then. It was true pain that I took 3 sleeping pills that I couldn't fall in sleep. Heart pain. I couldn't believe my eyes. Could this be considered a cheating? I know I am wrong in my marriage too. Is it a revenge to me?

How could I meet him again? It's truly slapping my face that I was so stupid.

Thank you for any words that you can share with me. I really feel a sudden heart pain to have seen all of this.

It isn't cheating to have sex with his own wife, no. He owes you no fidelity of any sort. I am rather astonished you even ask that, but here we are.

I think their new baby is a badly-needed wakeup call for you, though. You needed to understand that he is not serious about you and is continuing to live his life without any regard for you. You are both married and your heart should not be this attached to someone else. You unfortunately let yourself get carried away with the fantasy, whereas he sees you just as some side-fun.

It's time to cut this guy off and redirect your focus to your marriage. If it's in trouble, and you're unhappy or bored, concentrate on either fixing those issues or leaving. As you can see, turning outside your marriage was a big mistake.

Thank you for your words. I feel so much hurt from it. I understand it perfectly it is a wake up call. He used me when he's lonely. I feel fully cheated but it is perfectly not even can be considered as cheating. But why does he need to meet me twice a year without committment? What is that related?

He told me that he had no communication and no passion for his wife, however, it turned out it all wrong.

I don't know how to let go this heart pain feeling.

. But why does he need to meet me twice a year without committment? What is that related?

For sex, OP.

Thank you and I blocked and cut off all social media and emails with this guy. There's no way for me to trust him and I fully confess myself. But I feel a lot of pain that I need to find a way to cope with it.

I'm sorry but how can you be asking if this guy cheated on YOU? You are both married with kids. You are his mistress. He was cheating on his wife with YOU. That's a bit of a far-fetched question! I don't know what you were expecting to happen because unless both of you left your spouse, it was only going to be sex and an affair. Yes I can imagine it hurts but I think you were looking at this through rose coloured glasses. I don't think it's love because he didn't say he wants to leave his wife for you. Therefore he chooses his wife and his family, not you. He wants to meet you twice a year for sex, for an affair. His wife and children are still waiting for him at home and that's where he goes all the rest of the time, back to them.

Totally true. I was told that his wife no longer needed him and she only focused on his kids. He's not loved. I felt guilty that I didn't treat him well and stopped loving him. I really think it's all upside down and nothing is correct. I am leaving this completely and have cut off all fantansy with no mercy on him anymore. It should have stopped since last year. Those memory held me to get on with him. All in all, it is my own mistake. Thank you for having me realised this. I feel very pain though, but I get all in perspective.

Now I am really needing to know how to go through this pain. I feel so much pain after being in such upside down situation...

I met a guy a year ago. Perhaps my life with kids and corporate life was too isolated. We went through a very passionate secret sex and further into love but we stopped due to difficult situation of myself and also he finished his expatriate period and went back home. We both were betraying our partners and that is why I regret a lot. We kept sort of on and off contact by email even we knew we didn't have hope anymore for about a year, such as memory of certain special moments. We didn't see each other. Recently he asked me to see him when he visited my place again. After thinking back and forth, I decided to see him and rekindle kind of old memory. The love was still passionate and I kind of came to a term that he's back home with his wife and kid. My mind was in peace. He asked to meet 2 times a year. I sort of agreed with it.

 

However, just a one week ago, on his social media, I discovered that he had a newly born son with his wife. I counted the time back, it happened just during our passionate love, I couldn't believe all those days, we were still connected. I confronted with him, and he said that the son was not born out of love but out of accident. He didn't prepare to have kid as he drank a lot. His wife counted the wrong safety period. I couldn't believe my eyes that the lie could be spoken out so casually.

 

I have been through very difficult week since then. It was true pain that I took 3 sleeping pills that I couldn't fall in sleep. Heart pain. I couldn't believe my eyes. Could this be considered a cheating? I know I am wrong in my marriage too. Is it a revenge to me?

 

How could I meet him again? It's truly slapping my face that I was so stupid.

 

Thank you for any words that you can share with me. I really feel a sudden heart pain to have seen all of this.

I cannot comprehend your thinking! You are asking if he cheated on you with his wife? This is laughable.

Both you and this guy are morally corrupt. I feel for both of your partners and the child. I hope they find out and dump you both.

Time to become less selfish and become a better human being.

Thank you for your words. I feel so much hurt from it. I understand it perfectly it is a wake up call. He used me when he's lonely. I feel fully cheated but it is perfectly not even can be considered as cheating. But why does he need to meet me twice a year without committment? What is that related?

 

He told me that he had no communication and no passion for his wife, however, it turned out it all wrong.

 

I don't know how to let go this heart pain feeling.

Wake up. He only wants you for sex. You cannot be so naive to believe what he says.

I suggest you share YOUR cheating with your partner. He has a right to know. Did you ever consider how much pain you would inflict on your husband and children with your cheating? Terrible.

Now I am really needing to know how to go through this pain. I feel so much pain after being in such upside down situation...

Start by accepting responsibility for what you did and stop blaming him for misleading you. You were a willing participant in helping him cheat and cheating yourself.

Learn to manage your feelings appropriately and act with integrity instead of being shady and selfish next time.

ETA: I've just read your other posts. You need some therapy OP. Going back over a decade, you have been posting about how miserable and unhappy you are with life. You are needy and crave validation from others to the point that you are trying to fix it by having an affair; as you have clearly discovered, that isn't the way to fix life's problems.

Start dealing with your feelings head on and stop acting like a powerless victim of circumstances.

Think of it this way:

What if you ended up pregnant by the expatriate? How would your husband feel? Would you consider that cheating?

Now think of it this way:

What if you ended up pregnant by your husband? Would you consider that cheating? How would the expat feel? (personally, I don't think he would feel anything...he is at home with his pregnant wife....)

Are you truly sad about this or are you sad that your charade is over--that there is no chance of you and the expat ever actually working out? You are not a victim here.

Is it cheating? Yes. Yes, you are cheating on your husband (remember him?) and he is cheating on his wife.

You get past the pain by focusing on your marriage and family.

I'm sorry, but I laughed. How ignorant can you be?

Thread title: "It it cheating?"

Third sentence in: "We both were betraying our partners and that is why I regret a lot."

The hell is this. You are both cheating on your partners, and you are more concerned about whether this guy, who is cheating on his own partner, is cheating on you, in which you are also cheating on your own partner? Christ, I have no words. Absolutely awful. There is no supporting this, this thread should just be closed.

The pain of a lost relationship is so difficult, even when we knew the relationship wasn't right to start with. It doesn't negate the hurt you feel now. I think you made a wise choice in cutting off all contact with him. I would encourage you to also not look him up on social media or any place else. It will only add to your heartache, no matter how tempting it may be. Finding out who he really is, although incredibly difficult, is actually a gift. The consequences of the relationship could have been far worse and perhaps you have been spared those.

As far as moving forward now, whenever the thought of him comes into your mind, find a way to redirect your thoughts elsewhere. Don't allow your mind to get lost in it. I know sometimes that is easier said than done and although it may be difficult, it's not impossible. You CAN do this. The circumstances were different but I had a very difficult break up last year and we kept in contact for a while afterwards because it was so hard to let go. I finally had to tell him I couldn't talk to him anymore and I asked him not to contact me anymore. It was SO hard to tell him that. But I had to do it. There are still some days I think about him but each day gets a little easier. I know that if I were to talk to him again or even see him online, it would send me backwards and that's not where I want to be. I am getting stronger. That IS where I want to be.

Do you have a close girl friend you could confide in? Have you and your husband spent time trying to rekindle your marriage? I will be praying for you that you would find just the right thing to help you move forward. This is just one short chapter in a much longer book. You can do this. You've already taken a huge step in cutting off contact so you're already part way there to getting through this.