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Thread: Is it cheating

  1. #11
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Dec 2017
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    1,528
    Originally Posted by possum&blacknose
    Now I am really needing to know how to go through this pain. I feel so much pain after being in such upside down situation...
    Start by accepting responsibility for what you did and stop blaming him for misleading you. You were a willing participant in helping him cheat and cheating yourself.

    Learn to manage your feelings appropriately and act with integrity instead of being shady and selfish next time.

    ETA: I've just read your other posts. You need some therapy OP. Going back over a decade, you have been posting about how miserable and unhappy you are with life. You are needy and crave validation from others to the point that you are trying to fix it by having an affair; as you have clearly discovered, that isn't the way to fix life's problems.

    Start dealing with your feelings head on and stop acting like a powerless victim of circumstances.
    Last edited by maew; 07-23-2019 at 12:04 PM.

  2. #12
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
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    348
    Think of it this way:

    What if you ended up pregnant by the expatriate? How would your husband feel? Would you consider that cheating?

    Now think of it this way:

    What if you ended up pregnant by your husband? Would you consider that cheating? How would the expat feel? (personally, I don't think he would feel anything...he is at home with his pregnant wife....)

    Are you truly sad about this or are you sad that your charade is over--that there is no chance of you and the expat ever actually working out? You are not a victim here.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
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    11,802
    Is it cheating? Yes. Yes, you are cheating on your husband (remember him?) and he is cheating on his wife.

    You get past the pain by focusing on your marriage and family.

  4. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
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    24
    I'm sorry, but I laughed. How ignorant can you be?

    Thread title: "It it cheating?"

    Third sentence in: "We both were betraying our partners and that is why I regret a lot."

    The hell is this. You are both cheating on your partners, and you are more concerned about whether this guy, who is cheating on his own partner, is cheating on you, in which you are also cheating on your own partner? Christ, I have no words. Absolutely awful. There is no supporting this, this thread should just be closed.

  5.  

  6. #15
    The pain of a lost relationship is so difficult, even when we knew the relationship wasn't right to start with. It doesn't negate the hurt you feel now. I think you made a wise choice in cutting off all contact with him. I would encourage you to also not look him up on social media or any place else. It will only add to your heartache, no matter how tempting it may be. Finding out who he really is, although incredibly difficult, is actually a gift. The consequences of the relationship could have been far worse and perhaps you have been spared those.

    As far as moving forward now, whenever the thought of him comes into your mind, find a way to redirect your thoughts elsewhere. Don't allow your mind to get lost in it. I know sometimes that is easier said than done and although it may be difficult, it's not impossible. You CAN do this. The circumstances were different but I had a very difficult break up last year and we kept in contact for a while afterwards because it was so hard to let go. I finally had to tell him I couldn't talk to him anymore and I asked him not to contact me anymore. It was SO hard to tell him that. But I had to do it. There are still some days I think about him but each day gets a little easier. I know that if I were to talk to him again or even see him online, it would send me backwards and that's not where I want to be. I am getting stronger. That IS where I want to be.

    Do you have a close girl friend you could confide in? Have you and your husband spent time trying to rekindle your marriage? I will be praying for you that you would find just the right thing to help you move forward. This is just one short chapter in a much longer book. You can do this. You've already taken a huge step in cutting off contact so you're already part way there to getting through this.

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