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Thread: 5 years later. An update, and what I learned from eNotAlone that WORKS.

  1. #1
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    5 years later. An update, and what I learned from eNotAlone that WORKS.

    I haven't posted here since a few months after I joined 7 years ago. At that time I was recoiling from a summer fling and looking for any bit of advice I could find to help me heal, or get them back.

    I ended up following through with my no-contact. I slowly began to forget about the summer fling (if I mention her again I'll just call her Summer). I met someone new, and we started a relationship that would last for the next 5 years, by far the longest I had ever had.

    Depression took me. I started drinking, daily, heavily. I still do. At one point I looked at a picture of Summer, maybe out of morbid curiosity. I was emotionally past her. At one point, I think about a year or two into my newest longest relationship, Summer messaged me on social media. She was looking to meet up for coffee or something. The things I learned from this forum let me correctly guess she had just broken up with someone and was looking for a rebound. I declined her invitation, and never spoke to her again. Call that a win for no contact, I walked away with my emotions unscathed.

    Enough about the previous girl. The reason I am posting for the first time in 7 years. I have been dumped by my 5-year live-in girlfriend. It's been a week.

    What a fool I am. Telling myself things like "tell her how you really feel" or "maybe you can work through it."

    I'm really just hiding from the painful truth, the truth that needs to be accepted. The earlier the better.

    The relationship is over. I'm crying. Part of it was my fault, probably most. The drinking, the depression.

    So the newest part of my journey in life, where I hope I can get a head-start from the last time my heart was broken. The only thing that works is no-contact. Everything else is just avoiding the truth because it is painful. Trying to regain their attention, grabbing whatever emotional scraps you can. It's just delaying the inevitable and extending the pain.

    Now the question is, how do you do no-contact an ex that still lives with you? I guess I will be forced to find out. Cheers to No Contact!

  2. #2
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    Why is your ex still living with you?
    And when is that living arrangement going to end?

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    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    I hate to say this but ~ Welcome back.
    Originally Posted by PurpleSmash
    Now the question is, how do you do no-contact an ex that still lives with you?
    The answer is, you do not.....You either move out or get her to....

    You kind of answered your own question here:
    Originally Posted by PurpleSmash
    The only thing that works is no-contact. Everything else is just avoiding the truth because it is painful. Trying to regain their attention, grabbing whatever emotional scraps you can. It's just delaying the inevitable and extending the pain.
    You're not the first person to try and break up with someone and still live together and you won't be the last.....But personally if it was me, rather than try to find reasons why we should keep living together I'd be looking for reasons why we shouldn't....!

    Also, not sure why you posted this in the 'Getting Back Together' section....? Is that another act of denial....? Understandable if so, this seems like it's only just happened.

    Sending you strength for the road ahead*

    Carus*

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    Wow I don't think anything I say will help that much but I really hope you take things slowly day by day. Feel okay with feeling emotions and expressing hurt and anger when appropriate. I know you'll get past this in time.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Now the question is, how do you do no-contact an ex that still lives with you?
    You can't.

    OP I hope this is a catalyst for you to find a solution to your problems... particularly the heavy drinking you speak of.

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    I would figure out who is moving out, and follow through. As far as "no contact" - you really can't - but you can, out of courtesy, both be out of the house at different times or refrain from speaking about the relationship, don't cuddle and watch movies together, etc. Focus on moving, and after that the only contact should be what is legally necessary - if you have to divvy up the security deposit, final bills, etc.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Pardon, do you mind me asking why the relationship ended with your previous girlfriend (the one you still live with)? You mentioned drinking and depression. Have you found somewhere to go (a support group) or found help for the depression also? Do you know where it all stems from? It seems your depression started with this previous relationship. I'd try to figure out your living situation as soon as possible and not prolong the break up. Your financial situation may affect this and that's understandable. Just create a plan that will help you put things in perspective and give each of you a timeline.

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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Why is your ex still living with you?
    And when is that living arrangement going to end?
    I think it is ending very soon.

    Originally Posted by Carus
    Also, not sure why you posted this in the 'Getting Back Together' section....? Is that another act of denial....? Understandable if so, this seems like it's only just happened.
    I was drunk and reminiscing the last time I went on this site. "Getting Back Together" was the section I posted on the most, so I mindlessly chose it.

    Originally Posted by maew
    OP I hope this is a catalyst for you to find a solution to your problems... particularly the heavy drinking you speak of.
    I hope so. It feels empty, even though logically I know stopping is 1000% good for me.

    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Pardon, do you mind me asking why the relationship ended with your previous girlfriend (the one you still live with)? You mentioned drinking and depression. Have you found somewhere to go (a support group) or found help for the depression also? Do you know where it all stems from? It seems your depression started with this previous relationship. I'd try to figure out your living situation as soon as possible and not prolong the break up. Your financial situation may affect this and that's understandable. Just create a plan that will help you put things in perspective and give each of you a timeline.
    The reasons... I feel worse about myself trying to collect the reasons together. Part of me wants to blame her. Many more parts of me blame myself.

    I'm just sad. I tried avoiding her as much as possible during these last couple of weeks since she told me. She was out often. I stayed in my room when she was here. We had short conversations about food.

    I can hear her packing her things, and it's making me increasingly think negatively. About her, about myself. It moves between anger and sadness. I know I'm better off without her in the long run. The love won't come back. It still hurts though.

    The anger. I'm fairly confident she cheated on me. Too many things add up now.

    I guess within the week she will move out and I can actually start a proper no contact and try to begin to heal. It's weird that I made this thread only 6 days ago. Emotionally it feels like an eternity, but for my personal responsibilities like my job, it feels like the blink of an eye.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by PurpleSmash
    I guess within the week she will move out and I can actually start a proper no contact and try to begin to heal.
    Definitely....

    It's never easy but you sound like you know what you need to do...

    Hang in there Buddy*

    Carus*


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