Broken up, need advice

Hi all,

Recently my ex and I split. She said she didnt see a future or have any love left for me. I wasnt planning on proposing or anything anytime soon.

Towards the end we did fight a bit, and she did seem stressed. My guess is that was clouding how she really felt?

The relationship itself was amazing. We travelled alot, were intimate, enjoyed virtually the same hobbies. We're both in our mid twenties.

Throughtout our relationship, she held contact with her previous ex and they made several plans to meet. Which at first was an issue, then I forgave her for it. We've been split for a few months now, I've tried to not contact her for a few days, only to talk for a bit and have it backfire, then go back to no contact.

Is there any hope for this?

Why was the ex in the picture? Why was this okay?

She is not in love with you. She is done.

I suggest that you delete and block all her contact info.

You've already tried to talk for a bit only for it to backfire. No, there isn't any hope for this.

She has since given up on you. Since marriage was off the table for you and she knows this, there's no sense wasting her time, energy and resources on a relationship without the future she had in mind. She lost hope and it's a lost cause. I'm sure the relationship was amazing. However, she wanted something more permanent such as a legal commitment. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

Take the no contact route and move on as she had done.

How long were you together?

It's not good that her ex was always in the background. It's a symptom of a bigger problem, which is a lack of commitment to you. A girl who is truly into you wouldn't keep a guy in the wings, especially after you voice your discomfort with it.

I think this one is done for good, my friend.

Why didn't she see a future with you?

I think those few words alone hit pretty hard. It doesn't have to be marriage (marriage isn't for everyone and definitely not the be all/end all). A lot of couples are happy and content living in love with each other and celebrating their lives together without marriage. It may be important to you though because you mentioned it and if she doesn't inspire you either when you think of your future, this is a fairly clear sign that things should remain over between the both of you.

I feel like there are a lot of trust issues and without trust, there is little foundation for love to stand on long term. The ground is shaky and unstable without trust so you'll find yourself trying to build a house of love on quicksand or mud. It just doesn't work very well, I'm afraid. Try uncovering more of those trust issues and try to understand what's caused you to build distrust in this relationship before you start dating again. It's very rarely one person's fault and has to do with a combination of behaviours and habits from both in a couple. It's common to date the same types of people or make the same mistakes ourselves when we meet someone new.

I don't believe there is a chance. If there is, not contacting her, is more beneficial to your cause. Contacted those that wish no contact, is one of the worse things you can do post break up.

No one here Can answer that question. However the worse thing you can do is chase someone who is pushing you away. Cease all contact. If she reaches out tell her very briefly that you care about her and would like to work things out and she should contact you if she decides she’d like to. Then go on with your life. Don’t chase! Be a man with his own life that will be ok with or without her.

To answer some questions:

We were together almost 2 years. Her and her ex dated for about 4 years (it was an on and off relationship, dude is quite a charmer..) then they broke up for good. We met soon after and started dating about 2-3 months later. When we were dating, at first it seemed like everything was okay. We never fought, always went on roadtrips, hung out with friends and family and had a lot of great memories.

I am just worried that at 30 I am never going to find something like this again. She was beautiful, caring, we shared the same interests/hobbies, music tastes, art, tv shows. On paper it seemed like the perfect relationship.

Thank you all for your answers, this has been a very difficult and challenging time for me. You are all great.

She had no integrity and was a straight up cheater.

She was no prize.

What's the point of being beautiful if they are deceitful and disloyal? It negates everything.