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Thread: Relationship of 4 years ended.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LordKnight
    She is 22 at the moment. A year younger then me. I would like to add here that I never tried to influence her relationship with other guys. She told about relationships herself. If she ever asked for an advice I would give it as a friend. A neutral and genuine advise.
    This is a bit of a slippery slope. You contact her, she volunteers the latest scoop on her dating life or complains to you, asks for your advice, you give advice as a friend, she makes disparaging remarks about men in general and includes you in the mix, you take offense.

    I think if you are looking for an even-handed or mature friendship with an ex, this isn't it. I think it is possible but it involves a peculiar converging of stars and a rare set of ingredients that is more uncommon than common, unfortunately.

    I'll give you a brief example: I was with someone for awhile and we lived together. It took about seven years after the end of the relationship for him to reach out to me and I forgot all about that time. Actually I deleted his number so I didn't know who was trying to contact me. Some of the things he had to say to me were in the past and I didn't want to keep going over them but he was going through a learning period and seemed like he needed to talk so I went through with it and we rehashed things for old time's sake and to let bygones be bygones. You cannot really induce anyone to find peace or happiness on their own. It comes with time. I think she needs to find peace on her own. This means peace with the world around her, motivation to maintain her friendships and relationships in rewarding ways and find new rewarding and fulfilling relationships that add to her sense of peace or purpose.

    Don't worry about all this. Let her worry about her life and you worry about yours. Not everything will seem peaceful or happy at once but it'll all lead to that point eventually. Just take care of yourself.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Be gentle yet firm. Tell her it's time for both of you to go your separate ways. You don't need to make excuses. Tell it like it is. Let her know that both of you need to move on. Remain respectful and kind. Also, tell her this is it. You are giving her fair warning that should she continue to contact you, you will eventually block her. She needs to respect and honor your wishes. I hope you do not have to resort to drastic measures but if you must, you will.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Be gentle yet firm. Tell her it's time for both of you to go your separate ways. You don't need to make excuses. Tell it like it is. Let her know that both of you need to move on. Remain respectful and kind. Also, tell her this is it. You are giving her fair warning that should she continue to contact you, you will eventually block her. She needs to respect and honor your wishes. I hope you do not have to resort to drastic measures but if you must, you will.
    He's contacting her. She isn't the one contacting him.

  4. #14
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    Correct me if I'm wrong but to me it seems like you are really not over her. I've been in this situation myself where I broke up with an ex and I was still talking to them because I still had feelings for them. I was fooling myself that I wanted to be "friends" but really I kept reaching out to them because I wasn't over them. What you're doing is really not helping you. You need to move on.

    I think this situation is basically a dead end. If this girl is never coming back to your country then even being friends is not exactly going to work. In any case, this so-called friendship just consists of her using you to talk about her guy problems because she hasn't made any other friends. You are being really supportive to her but instead she just accuses you and says you hurt her, etc. I really don't see the point of any of it.

    Your relationship with her is over and the "friendship" is only online/by phone. And consists of her just always talking to you about other guys, which is insensitive and selfish on her part.

    I understand that four years is a long relationship but the thing is that it's over. You can't gain anything from it now and it's time to let go. I know it hurts but once you find another girl you will see that it's definitely possible to be with someone else.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    He's contacting her. She isn't the one contacting him.
    If she doesn't want a conversation with you, then end the friendship. She sounds like a nut. She is mentally unhealthy for you.

    People or friends will waft in and out of your lifetime. Not all of them are keepers. You need let some of them go just like this woman. It's time to cease all contact with her permanently. Don't be available anymore. You need to move on with your life ~ without her!

  7. #16
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    This is in continuation to the previous events. This girl came back to visit the country and I was really looking forward to meeting her as I was waiting for this moment for 4 years. ( She visited for the 1st time in 4 years). I thought once I meet her and talk to her face to face I will get some closure. But she didnt meet me as we had a fight just before she was coming back. Now I feel this urge to meet this girl one last time. We have been in no contact(talked a bit, things ended on good terms) but I feel like I should meet her one last time. It feels like I will regret not meeting her later in my life.. If I go to visit her I am sure she will meet me.. So I am not worried about that. But is it a good idea? I mean it sounds a bit far fetched? What should I do?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Ah yes... The old ĎOne last timeí...

    Iíll let others comment on that as youíll probably see a majority rule...

    But in the meantime, itís a No from me.

    Carus*

  9. #18
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    What you will regret later in life is wasting time pining and wishing.

    There's too much in life to experience to waste it waiting for the mythical "closure talk". Closure is when you choose to accept it's over. Don't waste anymore time.

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