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Thread: I beg your advise

  1. #1

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    I beg your advise

    Dear friends
    I need your advises ASAP.

    I am a French men (45YO), married to an American girl from Chicago for 9 years, we had a great relationship. I love her so much even she didn’t want to have kids, so we stayed in a lovely relationship with HUGE TRUST, we trusted each other a lot

    Past 15 months, I had to travel overseas a lot to stay with my DAD who was sick (he passed away 5 months ago). I stayed with DAD for 2 months and come back home for 2 months and so on , and we were on the phone on a daily basis.

    My wife loves music , and she told me about a guy (FRIEND) and she likes to go with him to music festivals since they meet over a ticket exchange and had same music tests. She told me that he made sure he knows that I exist in her life so he won’t think other wise???? I DON”T THINK SO?????
    In the last month, she told me that she meet this guy with his friends at a FISH FESTIVAL, all of his friends are married with kids except him divorced and has more time to go to shows.
    Upon my return 2 weeks ago I noticed the following
    1- She changed her laptop password
    2- She keeps the phone all the time even when she goes to toilet
    3- Always texting the same guy even late night (she said that they are just talking about music, tickets etc). TEXTING EVERY DAY. I just drove her to PA and back so she can attend a festival, and she was on the phone all the time, and when ever sshe pluged the phone to the car to charge it. I saw notification of his messages all the time
    4- She deleted all messages, BUT I SAW these messages (
    1- He texted her on a morning ( “ARE YOU ALIVE,,, (with a BIG KISS logo)”
    2- “Go dance Baby girl”
    3- “ I will show you how to fix that computer issue BABE”
    4- She texted him one time (“You got it BABY,,, I just booked the 2 seats for the concert”) ( she told me about the concert and she is inviting him as a friend

    My WIFE, never take selfies on beds, but one DAY, She took a selfie holding one lying on bed at 9.00 am????
    5- I went to browsing history on her IPAD and found that she just searched on Google ( Capricorn AQUARIUS relationship) on astrological websites on the day following her first date 4 weeks ago. (she is Capricorn and he is AQUARIUS according to his FB)
    6- She told me that she is going to a concert with him this SATURDAY? Thinking to truck her Phone location?
    7- I found on her agenda (3 dates with him), and saw a picture of BOTH of them at a brewery
    I am asking you guys (especially American women) if this is more than enough that she is cheating on me even she is pretending everyday that she loves me but also on her phone all day? Or I need more proofs.
    Thinking to divorce and break up

    THANK YOU
    Please advise

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Are you for real?

  3. #3
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    I don't think you need to ask us anything.

    End this now.

  4. #4
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    How old is your wife?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Seems like you have all the proof you need that she is cheating on you. It's more an issue of accepting that harsh reality, which is hard. Very difficult to accept that the person you love, care about, and trust would betray you like that.

    At any rate, so your wife is cheating - what are you doing to do about it?

    Personally, I'd say nothing and get a consultation with 3 top notch pitbull type power divorce lawyers in the area. Know your options, take their advice, hire the one you click with the best and serve her. Also, sadly, get checked for STD's. Cheaters cheat and you have no idea how many times it might have happened where you didn't catch her.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Before this escalates or there are any assumptions, I'd try to speak to her about how you feel and what you've noticed. Try and simmer down the emotions because she may feel cornered and the topic of infidelity or cheating is not an easy conversation. Feelings of insecurity are not a topic of easy conversation. If the relationship has taken a back seat due to your father's illness, address that and be honest about your feelings for her and that you are hurt. When parents are ill and children become caregivers to their parents, this often takes a toll on existing relationships and marriages. What you're going through is not unique. Slow down and address those feelings of hurt, neglect, sadness, fear, insecurity.

    Once you have that conversation, the answers both of you discover may lead you to the end of the relationship or a renewal of trust. She shouldn't be getting to close to another man but she may also be feeling neglected and insecure. If she has never dealt with being a caregiver to an ailing parent, she may have no idea what you are going through either or what it takes to balance a relationship at the same time.

    Talk it out and get the answers from her. I don't think it's fair to make a decision until both of you speak openly and frankly with each other.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Yes, she's cheating.

    She is emotionally involved with him, she has crossed boundaries.

    You are sitting back watching them date, who knows, they might be having sex too. But they are definitely far too close.

  9. #8
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I can't speak for others, but this would always be a dark cloud hanging over my head after a betrayal of this sort. Getting past this may look good on paper, yet to actually live it is a different ball game.

    What's done is done, but it's your call.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to talk to her and tell her what you discovered. Then you can suggest marriage therapy, if you want to save your marriage. As a last resort, consult a divorce attorney if you are convinced she is cheating and you want the marriage over.
    Originally Posted by patrique
    Or I need more proofs. Thinking to divorce

  11. #10
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    Aaarrgghhh, so frustrating! I wrote this long reply but the Internet wasn't working. So when I tried to post it just disappeared and didn't post! :( Basically what I said was that yes I think there are so many signs that she's cheating. She is acting extremely dodgy and hiding things. She's very disrespectful to your relationship. When your father was dying, instead of supporting you she went behind your back and found another guy. She doesn't sound like a good person. I think you definitely need to confront her and yes maybe even consider divorce.

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