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I beg your advise


patrique

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Dear friends

I need your advises ASAP.

 

I am a French men (45YO), married to an American girl from Chicago for 9 years, we had a great relationship. I love her so much even she didn’t want to have kids, so we stayed in a lovely relationship with HUGE TRUST, we trusted each other a lot

 

Past 15 months, I had to travel overseas a lot to stay with my DAD who was sick (he passed away 5 months ago). I stayed with DAD for 2 months and come back home for 2 months and so on , and we were on the phone on a daily basis.

 

My wife loves music , and she told me about a guy (FRIEND) and she likes to go with him to music festivals since they meet over a ticket exchange and had same music tests. She told me that he made sure he knows that I exist in her life so he won’t think other wise???? I DON”T THINK SO?????

In the last month, she told me that she meet this guy with his friends at a FISH FESTIVAL, all of his friends are married with kids except him divorced and has more time to go to shows.

Upon my return 2 weeks ago I noticed the following

1- She changed her laptop password

2- She keeps the phone all the time even when she goes to toilet

3- Always texting the same guy even late night (she said that they are just talking about music, tickets etc). TEXTING EVERY DAY. I just drove her to PA and back so she can attend a festival, and she was on the phone all the time, and when ever sshe pluged the phone to the car to charge it. I saw notification of his messages all the time

4- She deleted all messages, BUT I SAW these messages (

1- He texted her on a morning ( “ARE YOU ALIVE,,, (with a BIG KISS logo)”

2- “Go dance Baby girl”

3- “ I will show you how to fix that computer issue BABE”

4- She texted him one time (“You got it BABY,,, I just booked the 2 seats for the concert”) ( she told me about the concert and she is inviting him as a friend

 

My WIFE, never take selfies on beds, but one DAY, She took a selfie holding one lying on bed at 9.00 am????

5- I went to browsing history on her IPAD and found that she just searched on Google ( Capricorn AQUARIUS relationship) on astrological websites on the day following her first date 4 weeks ago. (she is Capricorn and he is AQUARIUS according to his FB)

6- She told me that she is going to a concert with him this SATURDAY? Thinking to truck her Phone location?

7- I found on her agenda (3 dates with him), and saw a picture of BOTH of them at a brewery

I am asking you guys (especially American women) if this is more than enough that she is cheating on me even she is pretending everyday that she loves me but also on her phone all day? Or I need more proofs.

Thinking to divorce and break up

 

THANK YOU

Please advise

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Seems like you have all the proof you need that she is cheating on you. It's more an issue of accepting that harsh reality, which is hard. Very difficult to accept that the person you love, care about, and trust would betray you like that.

 

At any rate, so your wife is cheating - what are you doing to do about it?

 

Personally, I'd say nothing and get a consultation with 3 top notch pitbull type power divorce lawyers in the area. Know your options, take their advice, hire the one you click with the best and serve her. Also, sadly, get checked for STD's. Cheaters cheat and you have no idea how many times it might have happened where you didn't catch her.

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Before this escalates or there are any assumptions, I'd try to speak to her about how you feel and what you've noticed. Try and simmer down the emotions because she may feel cornered and the topic of infidelity or cheating is not an easy conversation. Feelings of insecurity are not a topic of easy conversation. If the relationship has taken a back seat due to your father's illness, address that and be honest about your feelings for her and that you are hurt. When parents are ill and children become caregivers to their parents, this often takes a toll on existing relationships and marriages. What you're going through is not unique. Slow down and address those feelings of hurt, neglect, sadness, fear, insecurity.

 

Once you have that conversation, the answers both of you discover may lead you to the end of the relationship or a renewal of trust. She shouldn't be getting to close to another man but she may also be feeling neglected and insecure. If she has never dealt with being a caregiver to an ailing parent, she may have no idea what you are going through either or what it takes to balance a relationship at the same time.

 

Talk it out and get the answers from her. I don't think it's fair to make a decision until both of you speak openly and frankly with each other.

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You need to talk to her and tell her what you discovered. Then you can suggest marriage therapy, if you want to save your marriage. As a last resort, consult a divorce attorney if you are convinced she is cheating and you want the marriage over.

Or I need more proofs. Thinking to divorce
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Aaarrgghhh, so frustrating! I wrote this long reply but the Internet wasn't working. So when I tried to post it just disappeared and didn't post! :( Basically what I said was that yes I think there are so many signs that she's cheating. She is acting extremely dodgy and hiding things. She's very disrespectful to your relationship. When your father was dying, instead of supporting you she went behind your back and found another guy. She doesn't sound like a good person. I think you definitely need to confront her and yes maybe even consider divorce.

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Probably the hardest part for the victims of infidelity is accepting that it is happening, quickly controlling the intense pain, and doing something about it.

 

First Aid:

1. Husbands who waste time lose their marriage.

 

2. Stop all searching for more evidence, you have enough.

 

3. Today, secretly read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let her see this book and forget everything you think you know about TL)

 

4. Even though you're nowhere near ready you must sit her down and talk to her today. Tell her what you know. She may laugh, or get mad, accuse you of snooping, brush it off or leave. THIS IS CRITICAL: If she leaves DO NOT FOLLOW OR CALL HER! If she stays, don't respond, beg, plead! Don't say anything! Do not leave the house. Remain quiet. If she rants and blames you JUST listen.

 

5. If or until reconciliation stop sleeping with her. Move to another room or couch. Again, DO NOT MOVE OUT! (You don't know if thats your bed anymore, until you do don't go

near it.)

 

6. Don't tell her about this forum or anything you may be doing to save the marriage. DON'T TELL HER ANYTHING! At this stage, anything you say will come across as weakness and be used by the other man.

 

7. Don't use a device she can have access to.

 

8. Start thinking about if you really want to be married to her. Was it really a marriage or something else?

 

9. Weigh yourself and eat more to maintain a healthy weight. The brain burns huge amounts of energy during these trails. You will lose weight and look sickly, which will be seen by her as more weakness. Because of the faux attention the OM is giving her, she feels powerful. You must break through this lie with controlled confidence.

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