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Thread: How to politely tell an ex stop contacting me?

  1. #1
    Member MrsWise's Avatar
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    How to politely tell an ex stop contacting me?

    We met on Face book back in 2011 and met in person a month later.We had strong connection but the distance eventually took it's toll and he broke it off since neither of us were in a position to move.



    After time part we would reconnect and meet up again.This went on on and off for few years until we finally broke it off for good in late November of 2014 when he met someone closer.

    In any event, he started reaching out to me again more than year later. Telling me that had been thinking about me and misses me etc.He also left his number for me to contact him.He deleted his face book few years prior so he clearly open a new face book for the sole purpose to re connect with me.



    The thing is, I had allot going on around those dates when he reached out.I didn't log in on Face book until in late July. I texted the number he left but I got "sorry you have the wrong number". I decided to message his aunt and ask her to pass my number to him ..He got in touch with me a day later. We chatted ,catching up on our lives. And we set time to talk on skype



    Needlessly to say, he didn't show up online for our skype session and didn't contact me to let me know he couldn't make it. He finally got in touch the next day and said he got caught up with work and was busy.I got mad and for him standing me up which escalated into fight.We got in touch a month later and planned to visit each other and he said he would book 4 days at his work so he can drive down here to see me.I was really looking forward to it and we talked everyday




    Then all the sudden I noticed that he wasn't putting any effort into contacting me anymore. I was the one always initiating contact and sometimes he wouldn't respond.I didn't think much of it .I then texted him and ask him to come on skype before he goes to work.He responded and said sure.We skyped for a bit but didn't talk because his volume on his phone was not working, according to him.Then he had to get off so he can get ready for work.He also promised to take a pic for me later on.




    In any event,I texted him and said it was nice seeing him and I can't wait to see him in person. We exchanged few text then all the sudden he said "he's not sure if he can do this anymore and he is sorry. Then proceeded to say, it wouldn't be a problem if we didn't live so far apart and maybe we might have something in future when his life is more settled.


    This came as complete shock to me so I immediately asked if he is not coming anymore to see me and I asked for more explanation. I also expressed my disappointment since I was really looking forward to see him.He never responded to these messages and ignored further messages from me.I even let him know I was willing to move to his town in the near future to no avail.


    I was so hurt he would just drop me like this. I changed my number and deactivated Facebook just to focus on me. I thought that was it and i will never hear from him again so i moved on. Now 4 years later, he tried contacting me on skype and I blocked him. few moths later, I just saw messages from my filtered messages on facebook that he sent using throwaway accounts talking about how he has been looking for me for years and is happy he found me.My face book has been deactivated all this time...Part of me wold still like to catch up but part of me doesn't want to open a can of worms. Too much hurt has happened between us and i think it's best not to have contact..How do i tell him nicely that i don't want to hear from you?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it sounds like he is married/living with someone. Are you married/living with someone?

    You don't have to nicely tell him anything. Simply delete and block him and all his people from all your devices, social media and messaging and videochat apps. Also rest all your privacy settings on all your devices and apps. Make sure only people you know can see your profiles or contact you.

    It would be best to move froward from this and date local available men you can meet in a timely fashion and see on a regular basis.
    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    -We skyped for a bit but didn't talk because his volume on his phone was not working, according to him.Then he had to get off so he can get ready for work.
    -We exchanged few text then all the sudden he said "he's not sure if he can do this anymore and he is sorry.
    -Now 4 years later, he tried contacting me on skype and I blocked him.

  3. #3
    Member MrsWise's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately it sounds like he is married/living with someone. Are you married/living with someone?

    You don't have to nicely tell him anything. Simply delete and block him and all his people from all your devices, social media and messaging and videochat apps. Also rest all your privacy settings on all your devices and apps. Make sure only people you know can see your profiles or contact you.

    It would be best to move froward from this and date local available men you can meet in a timely fashion and see on a regular basis.
    He might be in relationship but he isn't married since i met him in person and he is in his early 20's. And as for me I'm seeing someone else and do not wish to reestablished contact

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    He might be in relationship but he isn't married since i met him in person and he is in his early 20's. And as for me I'm seeing someone else and do not wish to reestablished contact
    Then just ignore the messages.

    Any contact with him is going to open a door that should have stayed closed.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    He is acting like he is in a relationship, possibly even a live in relationship, so all this contact isn't really very flattering to you as he is treating you as a backup, side chick, entertainment. He is reaching out because you took the bait before, so you might again.

    If you don't want to go down that road again, then you say nothing. Just keep him blocked and that's that. His behavior is seriously shady and unhealthy, so probably best to stay far far away from that. A case where silence is your best friend and speaks best for you.

  7. #6
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    ďI didn't log in on Face book until in late July. I texted the number he left but I got "sorry you have the wrong number". I decided to message his aunt and ask her to pass my number to himĒ

    Why did you do this??
    He didnít contact anyone you know to pass his number on so it clearly wasnít important that you get in touch?
    He would have known you never read the message.

    He likely just gets in touch with you and several other women when he is going through a break up or needs an ego boost.

    You donít have to ask him not to contact you. At this point he isnít anyway. Probably seeing someone else.

    Block him on every platform and if he does happen to contact you somewhere he isnít blocked , just ignore, delete and block.

    There really isnít a problem here.

  8. #7
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    Why would you want to catch up after all of this? This sounds like a lot of drama and unnecessary effort.

    Move on.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    You donít have to ask him politely, he didnít consider your feelings in the past, you owe him nothing. Tell him flat out : Stop contacting me.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I'm confused as to why you even considered meeting up with him in the first place unless it was just to have sex and a one and done. You stopped seeing each other the first time because of the distance. He didn't move closer to you so the same issue was in place.
    What made you think things would be different?
    Just ignore him if he gets through to any of your social media accounts somehow... after you've blocked him everywhere.

    He doesn't want you to tell him to stop contacting him. He just wants you to stop contacting him so don't contact or respond.

    He's married or in a relationship that, more likely than not, is why he gave you the excuse the sound wasn't working on his phone... he didn't want his Significant other overhearing your conversation.

  11. #10
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    My guess is that he is/was in a relationship and either contacted you when it was going through a rough patch, or one relationship had ended and he was contacting you in between that one and the next.

    All his actions are consistent with someone whose relationship status is changing; ignoring you when he's involved with someone else, and contacting you when he's free. Telling you that you may have a future when his life is more settled roughly translates as "I've got nothing to offer you, but please hang around waiting for me in case I need an ego boost in the future."

    You don't have to do or say anything. Just ignore and move on. You already know how it's likely to play out otherwise, and you can choose to get back on the merry-go-round - or carry on with your own life.

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