Jump to content

How to politely tell an ex stop contacting me?


Recommended Posts

We met on Face book back in 2011 and met in person a month later.We had strong connection but the distance eventually took it's toll and he broke it off since neither of us were in a position to move.

 

 

 

After time part we would reconnect and meet up again.This went on on and off for few years until we finally broke it off for good in late November of 2014 when he met someone closer.

 

In any event, he started reaching out to me again more than year later. Telling me that had been thinking about me and misses me etc.He also left his number for me to contact him.He deleted his face book few years prior so he clearly open a new face book for the sole purpose to re connect with me.

 

 

 

The thing is, I had allot going on around those dates when he reached out.I didn't log in on Face book until in late July. I texted the number he left but I got "sorry you have the wrong number". I decided to message his aunt and ask her to pass my number to him ..He got in touch with me a day later. We chatted ,catching up on our lives. And we set time to talk on skype

 

 

 

Needlessly to say, he didn't show up online for our skype session and didn't contact me to let me know he couldn't make it. He finally got in touch the next day and said he got caught up with work and was busy.I got mad and for him standing me up which escalated into fight.We got in touch a month later and planned to visit each other and he said he would book 4 days at his work so he can drive down here to see me.I was really looking forward to it and we talked everyday

 

 

 

 

Then all the sudden I noticed that he wasn't putting any effort into contacting me anymore. I was the one always initiating contact and sometimes he wouldn't respond.I didn't think much of it .I then texted him and ask him to come on skype before he goes to work.He responded and said sure.We skyped for a bit but didn't talk because his volume on his phone was not working, according to him.Then he had to get off so he can get ready for work.He also promised to take a pic for me later on.

 

 

 

 

In any event,I texted him and said it was nice seeing him and I can't wait to see him in person. We exchanged few text then all the sudden he said "he's not sure if he can do this anymore and he is sorry. Then proceeded to say, it wouldn't be a problem if we didn't live so far apart and maybe we might have something in future when his life is more settled.

 

 

This came as complete shock to me so I immediately asked if he is not coming anymore to see me and I asked for more explanation. I also expressed my disappointment since I was really looking forward to see him.He never responded to these messages and ignored further messages from me.I even let him know I was willing to move to his town in the near future to no avail.

 

 

I was so hurt he would just drop me like this. I changed my number and deactivated Facebook just to focus on me. I thought that was it and i will never hear from him again so i moved on. Now 4 years later, he tried contacting me on skype and I blocked him. few moths later, I just saw messages from my filtered messages on facebook that he sent using throwaway accounts talking about how he has been looking for me for years and is happy he found me.My face book has been deactivated all this time...Part of me wold still like to catch up but part of me doesn't want to open a can of worms. Too much hurt has happened between us and i think it's best not to have contact..How do i tell him nicely that i don't want to hear from you?

Link to comment

Unfortunately it sounds like he is married/living with someone. Are you married/living with someone?

 

You don't have to nicely tell him anything. Simply delete and block him and all his people from all your devices, social media and messaging and videochat apps. Also rest all your privacy settings on all your devices and apps. Make sure only people you know can see your profiles or contact you.

 

It would be best to move froward from this and date local available men you can meet in a timely fashion and see on a regular basis.

-We skyped for a bit but didn't talk because his volume on his phone was not working, according to him.Then he had to get off so he can get ready for work.

-We exchanged few text then all the sudden he said "he's not sure if he can do this anymore and he is sorry.

-Now 4 years later, he tried contacting me on skype and I blocked him.

Link to comment
Unfortunately it sounds like he is married/living with someone. Are you married/living with someone?

 

You don't have to nicely tell him anything. Simply delete and block him and all his people from all your devices, social media and messaging and videochat apps. Also rest all your privacy settings on all your devices and apps. Make sure only people you know can see your profiles or contact you.

 

It would be best to move froward from this and date local available men you can meet in a timely fashion and see on a regular basis.

 

He might be in relationship but he isn't married since i met him in person and he is in his early 20's. And as for me I'm seeing someone else and do not wish to reestablished contact

Link to comment
He might be in relationship but he isn't married since i met him in person and he is in his early 20's. And as for me I'm seeing someone else and do not wish to reestablished contact

 

Then just ignore the messages.

 

Any contact with him is going to open a door that should have stayed closed.

Link to comment

He is acting like he is in a relationship, possibly even a live in relationship, so all this contact isn't really very flattering to you as he is treating you as a backup, side chick, entertainment. He is reaching out because you took the bait before, so you might again.

 

If you don't want to go down that road again, then you say nothing. Just keep him blocked and that's that. His behavior is seriously shady and unhealthy, so probably best to stay far far away from that. A case where silence is your best friend and speaks best for you.

Link to comment

“I didn't log in on Face book until in late July. I texted the number he left but I got "sorry you have the wrong number". I decided to message his aunt and ask her to pass my number to him”

 

Why did you do this??

He didn’t contact anyone you know to pass his number on so it clearly wasn’t important that you get in touch?

He would have known you never read the message.

 

He likely just gets in touch with you and several other women when he is going through a break up or needs an ego boost.

 

You don’t have to ask him not to contact you. At this point he isn’t anyway. Probably seeing someone else.

 

Block him on every platform and if he does happen to contact you somewhere he isn’t blocked , just ignore, delete and block.

 

There really isn’t a problem here.

Link to comment

I'm confused as to why you even considered meeting up with him in the first place unless it was just to have sex and a one and done. You stopped seeing each other the first time because of the distance. He didn't move closer to you so the same issue was in place.

What made you think things would be different?

Just ignore him if he gets through to any of your social media accounts somehow... after you've blocked him everywhere.

 

He doesn't want you to tell him to stop contacting him. He just wants you to stop contacting him so don't contact or respond.

 

He's married or in a relationship that, more likely than not, is why he gave you the excuse the sound wasn't working on his phone... he didn't want his Significant other overhearing your conversation.

Link to comment

My guess is that he is/was in a relationship and either contacted you when it was going through a rough patch, or one relationship had ended and he was contacting you in between that one and the next.

 

All his actions are consistent with someone whose relationship status is changing; ignoring you when he's involved with someone else, and contacting you when he's free. Telling you that you may have a future when his life is more settled roughly translates as "I've got nothing to offer you, but please hang around waiting for me in case I need an ego boost in the future."

 

You don't have to do or say anything. Just ignore and move on. You already know how it's likely to play out otherwise, and you can choose to get back on the merry-go-round - or carry on with your own life.

Link to comment

It's not really something special when an ex gets in contact. Just about every guy I dated, whether I broke up with him or vice versa, has done so. The only time you should possibly take it as something more is if the guy says, "I realize now that we should've never broken up and I want to give it another shot." Otherwise, it's temporary boredom from a dry spell in dating he's having. Emotionally move on so your heart will be ready for someone who's serious about dating you.

Link to comment

I think he was just toying with you. You assumed that he started a new account just to get in touch with you again. Maybe..maybe not. Maybe he messaged a lot of people as he felt he wanted to reach out to any number of people after his hiatus. In other words, I'm sorry but I don't think you were ever as important to him as you made yourself out to be (in your mind).

 

Try focusing on your healing and making sure you don't remain vulnerable to the attentions of people like this. You had a soft spot for him at one point so it does mean that you cared for him. That couldn't sustain itself but I don't think you learned enough from it and asked yourself the tough questions why or grew from the experience learning why it can't work or why it shouldn't work being long distance and so on.

 

To answer your header question: At this point considering your history and how much he's toyed with you I'm not sure you should have to politely tell him anything. Let go and block/delete all his contact information and try focusing more on you and your happiness in your present time, your locale.

Link to comment

Be gentle yet firm. You can tell him respectfully that it's time for both of you to go your separate ways and move on with your lives. Be nice about this. Also, give him fair warning should he continue to contact you against your wishes. Ask him to please honor and respect your wishes otherwise you will block him.

Link to comment
yea it was a typo. I don't want him to try again and be reminded of what happened again. I really don't. and yes I'm over him but that doesn't mean contact from him is not painful and only makes me relive the pain i went though

 

That’s actually exactly what it means. When you heal you reach indifference, that’s the opposite of love not pain, that’s what’s felt when you’re still carrying it all on your shoulders. Work on letting go. No more checking your filtered messages.

Link to comment
That’s actually exactly what it means. When you heal you reach indifference, that’s the opposite of love not pain, that’s what’s felt when you’re still carrying it all on your shoulders. Work on letting go. No more checking your filtered messages.

 

yea i get what you're saying. Part of me still cares. But honestly i hadn't thought about him for long time and have no desire reconnect things with him. It was out of sight out of my mind. contact from him open old wounds that had healed all this time. I have been seeing someone else for 2 years now who i like very much

Link to comment

Against everyone's advice, i finally did. I sent a one way message telling i don't want to hear from him and not to contact me again. Then i deleted the APP. Ignoring hasn't worked in the past. I just felt like this is something i had to do to. If he does message i will ignore but at least i feel better knowing that he knows where i stand

Link to comment

Ok now you can show it to your bf. This way when he contacts you again you'll have proof that you asked him to stop contacting you.

I sent a one way message telling i don't want to hear from him and not to contact me again. If he does message i will ignore
Link to comment
Against everyone's advice, i finally did. I sent a one way message telling i don't want to hear from him and not to contact me again. Then i deleted the APP. Ignoring hasn't worked in the past. I just felt like this is something i had to do to. If he does message i will ignore but at least i feel better knowing that he knows where i stand

 

Um, that wasn't against "everyone's advice". Several people (including me) advised you to tell him to leave you alone, then block him.

 

If you truly want him to stop I think you did the right thing.

Link to comment
Against everyone's advice, i finally did. I sent a one way message telling i don't want to hear from him and not to contact me again. Then i deleted the APP. Ignoring hasn't worked in the past. I just felt like this is something i had to do to. If he does message i will ignore but at least i feel better knowing that he knows where i stand

 

I also said tell him to leave you alone...

 

Ignoring him in the past didn’t work because you didn’t ignore him, you gave in every time, that’s why he did what he did.

 

Those are the facts, good news is you closed the door, at least I hope you did, I hope this wasn’t ploy to get a response out of him, given it’s actually been months since he’s contacted you, due to your other safe guard of filtered messages which you inexplicably checked but I digress, I hope you’re serious and I hope you maybe take some time to look within with this whole situation and see what attracted you to him to begin with given his unavailability.

Link to comment
I also said tell him to leave you alone...

 

Ignoring him in the past didn’t work because you didn’t ignore him, you gave in every time, that’s why he did what he did.

 

Those are the facts, good news is you closed the door, at least I hope you did, I hope this wasn’t ploy to get a response out of him, given it’s actually been months since he’s contacted you, due to your other safe guard of filtered messages which you inexplicably checked but I digress, I hope you’re serious and I hope you maybe take some time to look within with this whole situation and see what attracted you to him to begin with given his unavailability.

 

In the past i didn't intentionally ignore him. He contacted me but I didn't see his message as they got filtered. I accidently saw them a year later when he reached out again despite not getting response from me . And no it wasn't ploy to get response out of him this time. He would have likely reached out again some time down the road. so it doesn't matter that it's been 2 months since he sent that message. His first contact was on skype which was January. I blocked him. I thought that was it..he will get lost as he was likely bored when he contacted me on skype

I didn't hear from him again because my face-book was still deactivated.

 

Then few months later I reactivated my facebook but I hardly logged in and use it. He must have messaged me again around this time but they got filtered. I decided to deactivate my page again after 2 months for unrelated reasons and I was still unaware of his messages

 

Then I decided to reactivate my face book for the sole purpose of looking for a pictures in old my messages from my sister. That's how I stumbled his messages he had sent 2 months prior. First he contacted me using a fresh page of his name. then he opened a different page with different name and contacted me again. He even video called me but I don't have massager. I saw missed calls from him. I just wanted to put an end to it

Link to comment
In the past i didn't intentionally ignore him. He contacted me but I didn't see his message as they got filtered. I accidently saw them a year later when he reached out again despite not getting response from me . And no it wasn't ploy to get response out of him this time. He would have likely reached out again some time down the road. so it doesn't matter that it's been 2 months since he sent that message. His first contact was on skype which was January. I blocked him. I thought that was it..he will get lost as he was likely bored when he contacted me on skype

I didn't hear from him again because my face-book was still deactivated.

 

Then few months later I reactivated my facebook but I hardly logged in and use it. He must have messaged me again around this time but they got filtered. I decided to deactivate my page again after 2 months for unrelated reasons and I was still unaware of his messages

 

Then I decided to reactivate my face book for the sole purpose of looking for a pictures in old my messages from my sister. That's how I stumbled his messages he had sent 2 months prior. First he contacted me using a fresh page of his name. then he opened a different page with different name and contacted me again. He even video called me but I don't have massager. I saw missed calls from him. I just wanted to put an end to it

 

Ok Mrs. Wise, if you want to keep deluding yourself, no one is stopping you.

 

At the end of the day you have choices, he has the power over you, you gave him, if you didnt want to see his messages you wouldnt, its really that simple.

 

You went as far as blocking him and deactivating your social media to avoid him, yet when you reactivate to 'check for your sisters picture' you made the choice to check your filtered messages...why? Is your sister blocked? Of course she isnt, you chose to check those messages, own that.

 

Now, even though its been months, and you could easily just not check your filtered messages, you chose to write him, a proactive approach, which good for you, but if you just did it in the hopes that it reignites the cat and mouse games, I feel for you.

 

If not, BRAVO! The healing can truly begin, like I said, first things first, take a serious look at why you were so wrapped up in such a dead end situation.

 

I wish you luck on your journey, it will be hard, healing usually is, but stay strong, honest and hopeful and you will make it.

Link to comment
Ok Mrs. Wise, if you want to keep deluding yourself, no one is stopping you.

 

At the end of the day you have choices, he has the power over you, you gave him, if you didnt want to see his messages you wouldnt, its really that simple.

 

You went as far as blocking him and deactivating your social media to avoid him, yet when you reactivate to 'check for your sisters picture' you made the choice to check your filtered messages...why? Is your sister blocked? Of course she isnt, you chose to check those messages, own that.

 

Now, even though its been months, and you could easily just not check your filtered messages, you chose to write him, a proactive approach, which good for you, but if you just did it in the hopes that it reignites the cat and mouse games, I feel for you.

 

If not, BRAVO! The healing can truly begin, like I said, first things first, take a serious look at why you were so wrapped up in such a dead end situation.

 

I wish you luck on your journey, it will be hard, healing usually is, but stay strong, honest and hopeful and you will make it.

 

Yes I did deactivate my facebook to avoid him when he dropped me 4 years ago so that way i can focus on my healing and moving on. I had enough. It helped me tremendously as he became a distance memory over time. Out of sight out of mind. And no he wasn't blocked since he had no active face book account. I couldn't block him as he deleted his real page years ago and only opens a page to contact me... Moreover, I set my settings to only have friends of friends send me friend request and only friends to contact me years prior before I met him . It wasn't about anyone is particular nor had it had anything to do with him. I was getting too many random friend request.

 

I wasn't aware that any messages from random people would automatically filtered and I won't get notifications from them. I honestly wasn't aware of this. As far as reading filtered messages, I accidently clicked on manage request while looking through old messages from my sister and from other people.I have to admit that hearing from did stir up old feelings and opened old wounds but I wasn't looking for his messages specifically . I honestly didn't expect him to reach out as it been 4 years.Trust me, his contact isn't flattering anymore and i was like ugh here we go again. And I find his behaviour odd considering the fact that he showed little to no interest in me when we reconnected last time. Now he is putting all this effort to contact me and chasing me hard...which i know history will repeat itself if i give in. And he knew that we were on different page. I was more invested into him than he was

 

 

I wrote to him because I felt like ignoring might not be enough as it leaves that door open for him to try again, as he did in the past. And like I said, I didn't wait for his response and deleted the APP right after and deleted his number. I also deactivated my face book again for now until the dust settles and hopefully he got the message and move on.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...