Confused and hurting

Hey guys,

I need some advice.

I’ve been in a long term relationship for about 8 years now.

I think I’m in love with my co worker, he just moved away and I feel absolutely destroyed, I miss everything about him, even the way he smelled. Meeting him has thrown my whole life out of whack, but the fact I probably won’t see him again really upsets me, I just want to see him again. The worst part is I didn’t even realise i felt like this until he left.

I have no idea if he feels the same way but I’m just so confused and hurt.

I am still madly in love with my current partner, the thought of leaving him kills me inside.

I’m just confused and need some help to get over him when he’s all I can think about.

Thanks

What makes you think you love your co-worker?

Are you happy with you current boyfriend? Maybe the coworker represented something you are missing in your relationship. Since he moved away, you can now focus your energy on your boyfriend, out of sight, out of mind.

The likelihood is that the co worker does not feel the same way but you have somehow developed a teen like crush on him.

Within any relationship there is going to be greener grass etc. But morals, empathy , logical thinking etc are reasons why you don’t stray.

You need to actively remove this guy from your thoughts. At the end of the day you only know him on a coworker level. You don’t really know him and therefore it’s impossible that you are in love with him. It’s like a fantasy.

Every time he enters your thoughts , think about your bf and his positive traits.

May I ask why after 8 years he is not your husband?

I'm thinking this sounds more like an emotional attachment that has continued for awhile and might involve emotional cheating (on your partner). If you feel stuck and at a dead end in your current relationship, perhaps now's a good time to address some crossroads and go over some decisions you might need to make for your more positive, long term health.

At some point you're going to have to own up to your own feelings and actions and be responsible for your own unhappiness. Start doing something about the unfulfilling relationship you have with your boyfriend or start addressing your own personal issues that are stopping you from enjoying a fulfilling long term relationship.

This is not meant to sound bad, but are you a little OCD? Could this be a symptom of being thrown out of your daily pattern? Did you have to take on some of his responsibilities when he left? Was he a confidant at your workplace? Could this be stress-induced?

Was there an affair? If not, connect professionally on LinkedIn to stay in touch. However try therapy to explore why this was so intense for you. What's missing from your current relationship that this situation offered?

I think I’m in love with my co worker, he just moved away and I feel absolutely destroyed

I have no idea if he feels the same way but I’m just so confused and hurt.

I am still madly in love with my current partner, the thought of leaving him kills me inside.

Do your partner a favor and break up with him if you wish to pursue your former coworker. One man at a time. No sense deceiving nor betraying your current partner while you daydream about your co-worker who just moved away.

Organize your thoughts and then chase your ex-co-worker first otherwise if you play with fire, you'll lose both men and it won't end well.

If you're not willing to do pursue your co-worker because you're conflicted, work on the partner you have and be grateful that you're madly in love with him. Change your thoughts, change your life.

Do your partner a favor and break up with him if you wish to pursue your former coworker. One man at a time. No sense deceiving nor betraying your current partner while you daydream about your co-worker who just moved away.

 

Organize your thoughts and then chase your ex-co-worker first otherwise if you play with fire, you'll lose both men and it won't end well.

 

If you're not willing to do pursue your co-worker because you're conflicted, work on the partner you have and be grateful that you're madly in love with him. Change your thoughts, change your life.

Agreed. Plus pursuing anything with the coworker gives them a seat to witness your duplicitous behavior.... Not a good foundation to build upon.

its very difficult to say really as you havent shared much details what made you to get close to a co worker, are there any issues with your current partner?

Have you thought and spoke of working out with your current partner?

Whats the background?