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Thread: Doctors think I have cancer (Lukemia). Should I tell her?

  1. #1
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    Doctors think I have cancer (Lukemia). Should I tell her?

    Hello. My doctors think I have Lukemia. I will know for sure this week after a slew of tests. Itís pretty scary but Iím hoping for the best and trying to keep my head up.

    Four months ago my ex left me. It was a fairly nasty breakup (see other thread). It was made even nastier 2-3 months ago. We had a brief text exchange initiated by her where she got very VERY nasty and was meaner than I ever knew she could be. We have had zero contact since then when she made it very clear she regretted the 3 years we were together, told me to ďfĒ off, and said sheíd be more than happy to never talk to me again.

    After writing the above and reading it I donít even know why Iím asking this question!

    Since Iíve found out that I may have cancer I havenít been able to get her out of my head. I know I should be focused 100% on me but I keep debating internally if I should tell her if the results are positive. Not sure what good it would bring but itís a thought none the less.

    Any thoughts on the matter?

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    Iím so sorry youíre going through this. Iím crossing my fingers that your test results will be negative.
    Personally, I wouldnít contact her and focus completely on your recovery. Her reaction to your diagnosis or lack thereof may set you back, and I think you need all your strength now to get through this. Best of luck to you!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She stole from you (including your dog). It's probably not a good idea to seek sympathy from a thief especially during this time. Are you able to speak with trusted friends and family members? I feel like you may be seeking a support network. I don't think she is a good choice.

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    I have a great support system of family and friends. I havenít even mentioned to them the desire to contact her. Iím sure they would say HECK NO!

    Not sure why the thought is even crossing my mind. I suppose Iím fearful of the worst and want to mend bridges maybe?? Not sure.

    You and BecxyRex are right. Not a good idea.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Donít contact mean evil nasty people at a time when you need critical recovery . You donít need any negativity right now . Best wishes for good test results .

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    No way! Do not contact her.

    You are in a very vulnerable position, last thing you need is drama and upset.

    Maybe in some way you think possibly being sick will make her feel bad for you or start suddenly realizing your worth now that your immortality is on the line, but if she spoke to you like the way you described, she'll probably have even more bad things to say.

    It's over with her. You need to focus on your health and well being and she is 100% not a good person to have anywhere near you.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thinkstoohard
    I have a great support system of family and friends. I havenít even mentioned to them the desire to contact her. Iím sure they would say HECK NO!

    Not sure why the thought is even crossing my mind. I suppose Iím fearful of the worst and want to mend bridges maybe?? Not sure.

    You and BecxyRex are right. Not a good idea.
    It's useful and helpful to join a support forum for cancer or a potential diagnosis for cancer. Normally there are subforums for stages of cancer and members are welcome to share their fears during testing and waiting periods. It's not easy waiting. It's the worst part. It's normal for your mind to go in overdrive thinking about all the possibilities and to move between waves of intense fear, hopelessness, feeling energetic and motivated and sometimes completely depressed and unable to get out of bed. This type of waiting can wear you down. Read books, find support forums if things get a bit too personal for your friends and family to hear or if you feel you don't want to bother them all the time. There's ENA of course but I found the cancer forums very helpful and even though I didn't post I read a whole lot. Don't over-read or worry yourself over what-if situations. Know when to step back and put away the reading too.

    Don't forget to live while you're alive.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    You're not the first person to ask this question. I'm not sure if it was on this forum or another website that I read a story of someone contacting an ex about a cancer diagnosis, but doing so was not the right move. The call was apparently awkward and the sought for support was decidedly lacking and disappointing.

    I understand several reasons why you may want to tell her, all of which have been mentioned here. I would guess the major driving factor is hoping that the information would cause her to look at your situation differently, want to be with you again, and have a transformative effect on her behavior and personality. It simply isn't likely to have that impact, though.

    This is a scary time filled with difficult emotions I am sure. My suggestion would be to not contact her, as the relationship was unhealthy, and regardless of her reaction having contact with this woman would not be beneficial for your healing process.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Wait until you have the results back. Then only share that with your closest friends and family for support if it turns out to be something. Never use the "I may have...." to try to get anyone back or instill guilt, pity, whatever.

    In fact it's time to delete and block her and all her people from all your messaging apps and social media. She hates you and wants nothing to do with you, so move forward.
    Originally Posted by thinkstoohard
    My doctors think.....

    she made it very clear she regretted the 3 years we were together, told me to ďfĒ off, and said sheíd be more than happy to never talk to me again.

  11. #10
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    You broke up several months ago and she is now nothing to do with your present or your future, only your past. She will not thank you for telling her (she might see it as you trying to guilt-trip her into getting back together or apologising for past behaviour). In fact, it could go horribly wrong and you'd end up feeling even worse. Leave her alone and surround yourself with kind people who want to be in your life.

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