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Thread: Wife may be lacking commitment to us

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok then make it about better communication in general. Don't sweat the small stuff, it makes mountains out of molehills and you won't get taken seriously. Handed down baby clothes? Don't worry about it. Now, if she buys a Jaguar or sells the house without conferring with you, well then you've got something to moan about.

    Accept that they have been family a long time and will do what they do without running it by you all the time, especially inconsequential stuff. . Pick your battles, life will be a lot more peaceful that way. Give each other some breathing room to make autonomous choices. Being in each other's space and face too much is worse than a lack of communication.
    Originally Posted by a_lifters_life
    I've mentioned I think it'd help if we went to marriage counseling, but she is against it.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    It appears my wife colludes with them to make decisions about our family matters such as T without informing me at all what is going on.

    Most recently - we got a trash bag full of hand-me-down clothes from her coworker. Some of them never fit T, or are not wanted (all her choice).

    Anyway, today I see her putting some more stuff in that trash bag. I ask, "oh what is in the trash bag" she mentions "oh, i was going to give this trash bag full of clothes to my BIL/SIL" - her brother, and SIL.

    (Keep in mind, this brother has zero need for it (financially) speaking - their having their first boy in ~1 month) - seems innocuous, huh?


    What school to choose, whether you spank or don't spank, etc are parenting choices. Passing on clothing that you were given for free that you will not use is not a parenting decision. They were give to HER, not you, and she is getting rid of what the child will not use or will use but not for several years. In the meantime, another child can wear it and it can be handed back down. Even parents who make decent money are helped immensely by hand me downs. Kids are expensive
    OP -we had zero "need" for hand me downs financially from an objective standpoint and we had many friends and family who had babies first as we were in our 40s when we became parents It never would have occurred to us to say "no, keep those, we're going to buy all new clothes" (also we knew we were one and done). I took everything offered and if we could not use them we passed them along as appropriate. Like I said I would never give away clothing with nostalgic value (including hand me downs from family if there was something that my husband noted, etc)- then I am sure I would have checked with my husband if it was something significant. And he knows that. Please reconsider.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    OP -we had zero "need" for hand me downs financially from an objective standpoint and we had many friends and family who had babies first as we were in our 40s when we became parents It never would have occurred to us to say "no, keep those, we're going to buy all new clothes" (also we knew we were one and done). I took everything offered and if we could not use them we passed them along as appropriate. Like I said I would never give away clothing with nostalgic value (including hand me downs from family if there was something that my husband noted, etc)- then I am sure I would have checked with my husband if it was something significant. And he knows that. Please reconsider.
    exactly. And kids grow so fast and make lots of laundry.
    If they were from HIS family and not a coworker so therefore there might be an outfit he had himself worn when he was little, then i would side with him. To me, this is just about control. Unless this is a poor example of what he was trying to illustrate.

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