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Thread: I think we're done...thoughts?

  1. #41
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He's rude.

    He tosses poop into your things...really hear that sentence.

    That's not a guy who loves you or is being respectful towards you and your feelings.

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    He's rude.

    He tosses poop into your things...really hear that sentence.

    That's not a guy who loves you or is being respectful towards you and your feelings.
    Yeah...that's how I felt. I took the bags out of the planter a week ago and put them on the ground by the driver's side of his truck as a hint to please put these away because it's gross...and his response was to angrily throw them into my flower bushes, which he knows I prune, and take care of all the time (they are 6' tall, 15' wide penta flower, not a bush, and it's gorgeous BTW). But yeah, I felt like it was a blatent FU and disrespect of my yard, my property and my health since let's face it--dog poop, EVEN HIS dog's poop, is still gross and can make you sick and if you think those free poop bags aren't porous, you're wrong. They aren't biohazard bags, they leak and stink. I took the high road....again, and after leaving them out there by the truck again, I threw them away today. It's one thing to clean up after a slob, but another when they are vindictive and throw the bags in your flowers then go about the day like nothing happened at all when they talk to you.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You deserve a better man than him.

  4. #44
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    You deserve a better man than him.
    I know...but at 43 and after spending 32-36 with what turned out to be a (diagnosed and he didn't tell me until several years in) narcissist and borderline personality disorder type with prescription drug issues, now I've spent 38-43 with a man-baby, albeit sober. I give up. i really do. I'm not cut out for this relationship crap. :(

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Anonymous903
    I give up. i really do. I'm not cut out for this relationship crap. :(
    Or, you're just not cut out for crappy relationships. So what do you WANT to do about this?

  7. #46
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    Originally Posted by Anonymous903
    I know...but at 43 and after spending 32-36 with what turned out to be a (diagnosed and he didn't tell me until several years in) narcissist and borderline personality disorder type with prescription drug issues, now I've spent 38-43 with a man-baby, albeit sober. I give up. i really do. I'm not cut out for this relationship crap. :(
    I donít think itís that you arenít cut out for this relationship ďcrapĒ .
    I think youíve had crap relationships that no one is cut out for.

    You sound like a very giving person but perhaps gave too much at the beginning of relationships that got taken advantage of?

    For example allowing him to move in for dirt cheap when it was up to him to manage his finances etc
    Would he have moved in and paid the 650 he was accustomed to paying with the bonus that he has a place for his dog , dog sitter and home cooked meals? Maybe / maybe not?

    When looking for a committed guy , it needs to start off on an even foot with both give and take.

    This relationship does sound over but try learn from it and maintain your independence next time until you and the next guy both want to commit and not just out of convenience.

    Best of luck and let us know how the talk goes?

  8. #47
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    I donít think itís that you arenít cut out for this relationship ďcrapĒ .
    I think youíve had crap relationships that no one is cut out for.

    You sound like a very giving person but perhaps gave too much at the beginning of relationships that got taken advantage of?
    Yep. Maybe not taken 'advantage of' in the sense that the guy was out to scam you, but rather, taken for granted, because the message you've sent is, "I don't value myself enough to hold out for equality with the RIGHT partner, so here--move in cheap, and I'll parent you, instead."

    Parenting is the most unsexy and unsatisfactory thing you can do in an adult relationship. Why would it surprise you that someone who's been treated like an adolescent reverts to acting like one? And what do adolescents eventually do? They rebel. (That's what the poop is about.)

    You can't nag an adolescent into adopting the attitude you wish, but you can stop the catering. If you don't want to live with the consequences of that, you're not obligated to do so. You don't even need to end the relationship if you still want to date the guy, you can simply tell him that living together no longer works for you, and you'd like him to find his own place by X date.

    Meanwhile, stop offering your services and let the chips fall: he can cook his own meals, awaken to your unyielding insistence that he walk his own dog, and anything he leaves lying around the house will end up in a box in his closet. If he complains, you can kindly say, "I'm just making it easier for you to transition to living on your own."

  9. #48
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You are a very caring person and with that type of women, it can become unbalanced with men who are immature and don't know how to treat a women properly.

    It starts to become a mom/bad child scenario. You try to 'save' these men, love them up so they will heal or become better men, try to repair their bad behaviors.
    In turn, these men take advantage, behave badly knowing you'll forgive them, that you will make it better and they can lay back and wait till you fix it all.

    At some point, you need to put your foot down and stop this dynamic from happening.

    Try to date a man who has it much more together than the last two men you've dated. A man who takes care of YOU and can take care of himself.
    A man who cooks for YOU now and then.
    You will be much happier and it won't become like it has been the last two times.

    If you start to notice behaviors early on in the relationship that points once again to a man behaving badly or being a man-child. Don't go back to your old behaviors of trying to fix it and forgive and coddle him.
    Tell yourself you deserve better, and dump his azz.

    You know what you want, you know what kind of man you want. Now it's up to you to allow that for yourself and to find better.

    I want to go throw those gross poop bags under this guys car seats on a very hot day! Nasty azz jerk.

  10. #49
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    You are a very caring person and with that type of women, it can become unbalanced with men who are immature and don't know how to treat a women properly.

    It starts to become a mom/bad child scenario. You try to 'save' these men, love them up so they will heal or become better men, try to repair their bad behaviors.
    In turn, these men take advantage, behave badly knowing you'll forgive them, that you will make it better and they can lay back and wait till you fix it all.

    At some point, you need to put your foot down and stop this dynamic from happening.

    Try to date a man who has it much more together than the last two men you've dated. A man who takes care of YOU and can take care of himself.
    A man who cooks for YOU now and then.
    You will be much happier and it won't become like it has been the last two times.

    If you start to notice behaviors early on in the relationship that points once again to a man behaving badly or being a man-child. Don't go back to your old behaviors of trying to fix it and forgive and coddle him.
    Tell yourself you deserve better, and dump his azz.

    You know what you want, you know what kind of man you want. Now it's up to you to allow that for yourself and to find better.

    I want to go throw those gross poop bags under this guys car seats on a very hot day! Nasty azz jerk.
    Sherry, catfeeder, Billie....you guys all hit the nail on the head. Part of the issue (as with my ex) was I provided too easy of an environment early on for them to get a foothold. In the case of the ex, he turned out to be a clinically diagnosed narcissist (which I didn't know at the time, his mother provided me with the records) and the present man is just immature and seems to live literally in the moment, only thinking about himself and his best dog friend, and never giving a thought to the people in the environment around him. I guess I was raised to be a hospitable person, and I just can't be that way initially when it comes to relationships. Both guys came from broken families and I was happy to share mine with them since I was lucky enough to come from one where my parents are not divorced, and we have peace for the most part in our extended families.

    I'll let you know what happens...He's due in at 2AM and I have to get up at 5 for work. I have earplugs ready for the barking, but hope they don't drown out my alarm. I'll have to chat with him sometime this week when I'm up to it. At the moment I managed to *injure myself while sleeping* and can't turn my head to the left or down at all with some mystery pain at the base of my skull. Excellent start to this epic week indeed!

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