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Thread: I think we're done...thoughts?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Anonymous903
    I wish I could put all his stuff by the door but he has 300lbs of rusty weights rotting on my porch, a crap ton of car jacks and heavy tools in the garage and a whole closet full of ammo cans, and model cars/airplanes/books etc. I feel like my house is a storage garage and yet he pays for another one here in town and he has another storage in a city up north where all his stuff is from after the divorce. It's like a pack rat hoarder. He finished a gallon of water or juice and puts the empty bottle UNDER THE KITCHEN TABLE instead of the garbage. I've told him please stop and he still does it. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with him. Also...I have a really small house. 960 square feet and one car garage, built in the 80's with no kitchen pantry and only two closets in the house. There just isn't a lot of room for crap and clutter, and part of my stress is all the crap and clutter. I've made him take truckloads to his storage and of course gets miffed but even still I can't get in the spare room closet because of all the stuff in front of the doors!
    God! One step at a time, Anonymous. What do you think you should do?

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    God! One step at a time, Anonymous. What do you think you should do?
    I think when he gets home I need to have the same conversation I had with him a month ago...referencing the poop bags thrown into my flowers instead of the usual planters, and end it with, "I think it's time for you to find your own place." I don't like fighting, I hate the "I know you are but what am I" conversations...This is a preponderance of evidence of the years of his unwillingness to care. If he can't commit to a paid vacation known 6 months in advance, how in the world could I ever expect him to commit to me or anyone?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I don't think you need to have the same conversation, but a different, simpler, sadder one that basically begins and ends with: "It's time for you to find your own place, because this relationship is over."

    I'm not going to bother ripping this guy to shreds. Enough's been said, and I need higher fruit to reach for to turn on my snark.

    This thing is over, has been for a long time.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I don't think you need to have the same conversation, but a different, simpler, sadder one that basically begins and ends with: "It's time for you to find your own place, because this relationship is over."

    I'm not going to bother ripping this guy to shreds. Enough's been said, and I need higher fruit to reach for to turn on my snark.

    This thing is over, has been for a long time.
    I think you're right bluecastle, and I really don't want to excessively rip on him because he is a good person at heart, but unfortunately I think his past traumas with his former marriage and his priorities, (or lack thereof) just aren't compatible with a healthy relationship, and it's sucking me dry. It sucks a relationship and a long friendship has to end like this, but I don't see a healthy resolution with zero effort coming from him.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Anonymous903
    I think you're right bluecastle, and I really don't want to excessively rip on him because he is a good person at heart, but unfortunately I think his past traumas with his former marriage and his priorities, (or lack thereof) just aren't compatible with a healthy relationship, and it's sucking me dry. It sucks a relationship and a long friendship has to end like this, but I don't see a healthy resolution with zero effort coming from him.
    Okay so you had your vent, sometimes we need that and an anonymous forum is the perfect place.

    But now it's time to turn your unhappiness, frustrations and resentment into action; I would even quote the words bluecastle used, they're actually quite fitting.

    "It's time for you to find your own place, because this relationship is over."


    That's it, nothing more, nothing less.

    It's time and long overdue imo.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I agree. Keep it simple, Op. You know he's not going to change so just do it.

  8. #17
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    True. I needed to tell it to someone somewhere who would listen and give impartial advice (friends are not always impartial). Thanks for reading and replying everyone. I regret this had to happen, but its been a long time coming and it's time for a change.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Thank your lucky stars that you're not married to him! Kick him out. The relationship is in shambles and it's over. He acts like a spoiled 2 year old.

    It's time for you to tell him that he should look for a new place to live. He sounds like a jerk!

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Don't laugh (well you can if you want ), I actually did that with my long term ex, or close to!



    Great point!
    Iím laughing and picturing it 😂

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Anonymous903
    I think when he gets home I need to have the same conversation I had with him a month ago...referencing the poop bags thrown into my flowers instead of the usual planters, and end it with, "I think it's time for you to find your own place." I don't like fighting, I hate the "I know you are but what am I" conversations...This is a preponderance of evidence of the years of his unwillingness to care. If he can't commit to a paid vacation known 6 months in advance, how in the world could I ever expect him to commit to me or anyone?
    This is exactly what I meant by being petty!
    Why on earth would you bring up the dog poop bags in a break up conversation? Whatís the point?
    You shouldnít be re hashing the petty stuff and instead only bring up the essential points you want to get across , and that is that you WANT to break up with him!
    Or do you??

    Iím sorry but you are not faultless in how things evaluated.
    You cooked every evening in the beginning and now resent it.
    You allowed him to move in only paying one third instead of half and now resent it.
    You paid more than your fair share on vacations or nights out and now resent it.
    You allowed his dog stay and now resent it.
    Why?

    You were clearly happy to do these things in the honeymoon phase. He liked the deal he got. And all of a sudden years later you want it all to change and right now.

    And he is probably wondering where the flip this all came from all of a sudden?
    What changed?

    An ex of mineís mother saw that I was doing too much for her son and he accepted it. She told me start off as you mean to continue. Great advice!!!

    Do you love this man?
    Do you want to break up with him?
    Do you want an amicable split? Or one filled with resentment?

    I already suggested an easy solution to where the dog poop bags go by putty ng a bin next to the planters. But you overlooked it and still want to badger him about it? Why? If you are breaking up , itís not worth mentioning.

    Oh and have you ever discussed with him about these family (your family) vacations?
    Or just expected him to go?
    It seems unfair on your part to me.
    And rather boring to go to the same place year in year out for what is supposed to be a holiday.

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