Keep having dreams about an ex

Hello all, I'm new to these forums. I've been trying to seek possible answers as to what is going on lately, was hoping anyone could give me some input or advice (it's either this or talking to a therapist). The past week or so, I keep having consistent dreams about a particular ex that I dated from 4 years ago. She was my first love and first real relationship, we were 19 at the time and dated for almost 3 years so it was pretty serious.

The reason we broke up was that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life at the time and felt lost. I became unhappy, depressed, and generally confused. Because of this, it greatly impacted our relationship because I was neglecting her and wasn't being the partner that she deserved. She initiated the break up and fairly quickly moved on to an older guy with money and a house who promised to provide for her, and we never spoke again after (I tried reaching out months later, but she ignored any type of communication I initiated so I let it go).

I went through hell and back to get over that breakup and to pull myself back on my own two feet, and I did just that. I went to college, landed myself a good paying job that I'm passionate about and love doing, just bought myself a newer car, met a few different women here and there, and been hitting the gym like a mad man where I am in the best physical shape I have ever been in. I feel happy. I rarely, if ever, even think about her due to how busy I am and the fact that I've moved on.

Lately though, I keep having these dreams of either old memories/events that happened in the past, or made up ones like us living together, going on dates, and having actual conversations. These dreams will interpret exactly what she looked like and the way she acted and moved, they feel so real that I will wake up and find my heart racing.

Does anyone have an explanation as to why this is happening to me? Why now, especially when I rarely even think about her?

I'm no dream whisperer but my interpretation is that that relationship was a catalyst for self-betterment whether you wanted it to be or not and now that you've got to that place (your better place), you're revisiting your catalyst/cause in your subconscious mind in an effort to reconcile the two parts of your lives. It's two phases making sense of each other and repairing that rift.

I wouldn't overthink it and it's more common than you think. Just be understanding of yourself that there are gaps where you've learned/filled and there's more to learn still. Life goes on. Let it go and move forwards.

Everything we ever perceive in our lives is all still locked away in there somewhere whether we think about those things or not...

It’s just your brain doing a bit of processing and housework...

As to what may or may not have triggered it, who knows. Humans have been questioning dreams for millennia....

It will probably ease up soon.

Personally I really love dreams ...well most of them anyway :)

Carus*

Weirdly enough i just had a solid week of having virtually the same dream over and over again about my ex. I asked my therapist about it and he said it can just be the brains way of dealing with things especially if there was no closure/'satisfying' ending to the relationship. 2 days later they stopped and havent had one since so just roll with it and it will go away.

I'm no dream whisperer but my interpretation is that that relationship was a catalyst for self-betterment whether you wanted it to be or not and now that you've got to that place (your better place), you're revisiting your catalyst/cause in your subconscious mind in an effort to reconcile the two parts of your lives. It's two phases making sense of each other and repairing that rift.

 

I wouldn't overthink it and it's more common than you think. Just be understanding of yourself that there are gaps where you've learned/filled and there's more to learn still. Life goes on. Let it go and move forwards.

Thank you. I was mostly concerned if it was something normal that happens to people and if it's my mind playing tricks on me by making me think I miss her or want to be with her again. Kinda wonder if she has ever experienced the same thing, but eh who cares at this point. I haven't seen/heard from her in 4 years so I wouldn't even know how I would react anyway.

I didn't have one last night of her, so hopefully I can at least get a break from having them and it was just a weird phase I'm going through.

Thank you. I was mostly concerned if it was something normal that happens to people and if it's my mind playing tricks on me by making me think I miss her or want to be with her again. Kinda wonder if she has ever experienced the same thing, but eh who cares at this point. I haven't seen/heard from her in 4 years so I wouldn't even know how I would react anyway.

 

I didn't have one last night of her, so hopefully I can at least get a break from having them and it was just a weird phase I'm going through.

I wouldn't worry so much about it. I'm (happily) married and had a dream about a month ago I was married to someone else I have no recollection of (was never in my past) and I have no idea who this person is, not a clue and have not seen this person before. It was like a cut from a different lifetime. It was disorienting but just take it with a grain of salt. Your mind may be replaying memories and accessing old memories also. In my case, it might have been an overactive imagination or a story I've read somewhere or maybe part of a movie I saw many years ago or something else.

It sounds like you're still in your healing process if you're wondering about her. Take these things in stride and it's ok to miss someone. Just acknowledge the past is in the past and find joy and excitement in the present and your future.