Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: Having MAJOR doubts about person I'm dating

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Shylight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Dallas
    Posts
    203
    Gender
    Female

    Having MAJOR doubts about person I'm dating

    This will be incredibly long, I will try and shorten it.

    I have been talking to someone whom I met a month ago - we met online, and have had three dates so far - two of those we were intimate. At first things seemed to be going really, really well, but then I've had some instances that I want other opinions about.

    1.) He loved bombed me. The first 4 days and the first two dates were nothing but being told over and over how amazing I was, how we likely had a future together, ect.) This was three weeks ago, since than, he's seen me twice. Last time was 2 weeks ago.
    My thoughts: It seems strange to me that someone who creates this fantasy world for the first 5 days and saying things like "I'm practically going through withdraws without you!" - yet goes without seeing me for two weeks???

    2.) We text all day - but again, not seeing me for two weeks, and then cancelling on me? (This has only happened one time) Also saying "Maybe we can see each other this weekend?"

    Is it normal to see each other this little? EVERY other boyfriend/Date I've had has been the "I want to see you all the time!" type.

    3.) Facebook: He doesn't necessarily NOT want me to see his Facebook, but he said would prefer we not see each others? (Who the hell hides their Facebook?)

    4.) Won't introduce me to his roommates? He lives in a house with 2 other guys.

    5.) He immediately deleted his online profile after our first two dates. I took this as a good sign....

    6.) We agreed to go 'exclusive',

    7.) Finally, I JUST can't shake this feeling that there is something up. I can't put my finger on it.I admit I have previously dated clingy men, so maybe I am feeling this way based on my previous experiences and what he is actually going is more normal, I can't tell.

    Logically I keep telling myself that its only been a month! No need to be freaking out! It's mostly the fact that he not only hasn't seen me in 2 weeks, just cancelled on me - and on several occasions we've both had the evening off from work and are sitting at home texting each other? His actions seem to speak louder than words. He tells me he can't wait to see me all the time, but than won't see me???

    Am I crazy?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    1,908
    Gender
    Male
    Why do you keep texting him, when he dosn't want to see you? Are you just looking for a texting buddy?

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Florida Panhandle
    Posts
    653
    Gender
    Female
    It does sound very strange. He's all talk.

    When you said that two of the three dates were 'intimate,' did you mean you had sex with him? If so, this could be part of the answer.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    147
    He sounds like a player, talking about a future together after 2 dates? Why didn’t you see him in two weeks? The fact he hides his facebook profile is fishy. I’m sorry it’s just a red flag for me if a man is too eager on the first date.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,583
    Actually it's not strange at all -- it's obvious guy is heavy into fantasy and once reality hit (after sex most likely) it was a whole different ball game.

    I also echo what jagger asked, guy has done a complete 180, doesn't seem like he even wants to date you anymore let alone develop a relationship, why do you continue engaging and texting him every day?

    Stop doing that NOW.

    Also, next time a guy bombards with you bullshyt such as how "amazing" you are and he's "going through withdraws not seeing you" and envisions a future with you after only FOUR days and two dates ::eyeroll::, you run like hell.

    I am majorly turned off when guys have done that to me, like majorly, so it's quite easy to run. In fact I've been known to get up and leave the table when guys pull that crap on me on first couple of dates. It's total bullshyt!

    I am wondering what you found so appealing about it?

    It's freakin psycho if you ask me, guy is not quite right in the head.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 07-19-2019 at 05:34 PM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,519
    Just reading your post, I am thinking it's possible he's dating or chatting to more than just you and that's why there are all these weird/shady behaviors.

    You've only known him a month, don't be so quick to trust and believe everything he's telling you.

    Step back, cool your emotions back down. Try to actually get to know who you're actually involved with and if he's even genuine.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,620
    Gender
    Male
    I would say that 1-6 is the answer to number 7. The thing that feels "off" is that you two tried to built a home with toothpicks. The breeze of reality has picked up a bit, and suddenly the home doesn't feel like much of a home. Because it wasn't. Toothpicks are toothpicks. Takes a sneeze to knock them over.

    You've met three times. Neither of you know the other person—at all. And yet you are in an exclusive relationship? You have a boyfriend that you barely know better than you know me! No wonder you're confused!

    If someone I didn't know told me they saw a future with me, I would be pretty freaked out. Ditto if they were going through withdrawal. That's just me, of course. But it might be worth asking why you found all that to be such a turn on rather than a turn off. "Clingy" is generally not a positive quality, but it seems to be what you look for in a guy to feel good and secure.

    Anyhow, I'd just do what I'm not sure either of you are quite capable of doing: dial it back. Sounds like you both really got off on the drug stuff, but in different ways. For you, perhaps, that "high" was the beginning of something; for him that high was the something. Or at least that's what his present behavior is point toward...

    Is there a good chance here that, now that he's had sex, he isn't so interested? For sure. That's allowed, no different than he could be losing interest after three dates that didn't involve sex. Point being, having sex with a stranger does not turn a stranger into a forever partner, or even a boyfriend or a girlfriend. It turns them into a stranger you've had sex with. Always important to remember that, and know your threshold when it comes to that.

    If you'd like to see him a 4th time see if he asks to hang out a 4th time. Keep the texts focused on that. Otherwise you're just texting with a stranger you had sex with and feeling strange as things get stranger.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    1,908
    Gender
    Male
    Try not to get caught up and obsess over love-bomb conversations. Focus on today. There is no love-bombing going on.

    In actual fact, nothing is going on.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,380
    Gender
    Female
    This train has already left the station - but just something to think about - this is generally why I won’t usually sleep with someone right away. It’s not a “game to keep him interested” thing or a prude thing (I like sex too!)... it’s just that the beginnings of a relationship are always quite tumultuous full of “why did he do this?” and “what happened there?” while you get to know each other - sex just always seems to add another layer of insecurity and a feeling of investment and intensified emotions.

    The truth is, you don’t know this guy.

    Since he has cancelled a date, i think you should just hang back a little. Don’t initiate as many texts. Let him initiate the next date. Make sure the next date is doing things to continue to get to know each other and that it’s not about sex.

    One way or another he’ll probably be in touch and ask for another date. My guess is he’s trying to slow things down a bit.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,138
    Gender
    Female
    You shouldn't "shake the feeling that something is up" because something IS up. This guy used you for sex, attention, etc. and is now slow fading from your life while keeping you around as a temporary backup option.

    The best answers are often the most simple. Our egos often protect us from those answers. I get that you like him, but it's time to cut this off.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •