Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 17 of 17

Thread: She Loves Calls While I Prefer Texting

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    109
    Who has time to speak that many times a day... I would find that pretty odd if im busy and have stuff going on. Texting is cool and fun.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    109
    Thats the rule of thumb when you first start dating a person to keep the mystery and her chasing you but when your in a relationship this is rubbish, apart from wanting to text my girlfriend obviously being in a relationship your going to need to text your partner for what ever reason.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,612
    Gender
    Male
    You need to go out on more in person dates. Scale way back on all the texting, calling and videochats. It's excessive. Tell her you'll talk in person and then arrange to meet.
    Originally Posted by nirm2009
    She most probably won't have sex until marriage I'm willing to accept that. She doesn't even wanna get fully undressed when with me. Conservative like that :)

  4. #14
    Gold Member leseine7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Europe
    Age
    35
    Posts
    975
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by nirm2009
    .... But the fact that she wants me to call before I have breakfast/lunch/dinner, and even when I want to talk about the simplest thing with her, that's the issue.
    How do you think I should face this?
    What's with the extreme amount of daily chats? This seems like an unrealistic (and unhealthy IMO) amount of contact during the day. I am normally a much bigger fan of in person chats than texting being the bigger vehicle for communication, but a phone call MULTIPLE times a day? Even in the pre-texting era, when I had a long distance relationship, I had one phone call a day, and that was more than plenty.


    So first off, have you told her you don't like calling that often? Has she explained why she is so text-averse? Is it literally for every single text you want to send, she requires a phone conversation?

    Also... do you guys have work? School? The bigger issue I see here is that you feel like you have to be in touch all day long. That is not a healthy foundation for any relationship.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    3,033
    Gender
    Female
    Pardon - have you met each other in person or is this a long distance relationship?

    I'm not feeling like you get to see each other in person often or at all so that's why your communication seems to be overcompensating for in-person quality time. I also think the lines are a bit blurred in the beginning (within the first 3-6 months) and we often lose track of our better judgment and all rules go out the window when it comes to texting/calling/speaking or keeping in touch. I don't think it's helpful to call each other when you're not in a quiet place for example as the quality of the call is compromised and either of you or both of you end up feeling cheated of connecting properly with each other.

    I am not a fan of Whatsapp but it's it's fairly sleek and seems to cater to a lot of people I know so I do end up using it. I find the ticks and the double ticks for read and unread etc are overkill and a bit like big brother. I'm aware I can control this and limit the functions but people are used to it I suppose and might not take well to me disabling it. You may be used to Whatsapp because it tells you exactly when she's seen the message and it allows you to overthink when she replies to you. It's an instant gratification trigger there while the phone calls are hit or miss with the reception or background noise.

    I think both of you will figure it out on your own. If it's so early, you're just going through growing pains like now. I'd be honest with her so that there are no misunderstandings and it also leaves room for you not to answer a phone call here and there. You might also want to establish quiet spaces and appropriate times for a phone call. If you are long distance with each other or it's starting off that way, maybe think over whether it's a good idea and whether this type of communication or relationship is suited to you.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,594
    A big way to avoid the needless drama of compromising on something like this is to simply communicate in the way you're comfortable communicating from the beginning. She likes to call and chat. Honestly seems excessive to me, but harmless enough on its own. However, just because she calls doesn't mean you have to oblige her and pick up. If you can and want to, then do it. If can't or don't want to, then don't. It's not rude to simply not hold yourself responsible to grant someone your time upon their request or demand.

    I've used the example before, but even with my wife, while she's by no means a teenager glued to her phone, she might text or gchat me a few times during the day with random musings. I'll generally check to make sure it's not an emergency, but I usually don't split my attention enough to respond. If it's interesting, I'll bring it up later when we're together. I don't get on her for texting more than I care to, and she understands sending anything is mostly going to be for her own amusement and satisfaction in having simply sent it to me. It doesn't bother either of us. If this lady likes calling when she's got a spare minute and she doesn't see any harm in it, then that's her style. Assert your own by answering as little or often as you'd like to. So long as you're cool with her calling just in case you've both got a spare minute to shoot the ****, and she's cool with the fact there will probably be many times you can't or aren't up for it, there's not much issue there. It could be anyone calling you three times a day. It's got nothing to do with her personally.

    And that's how I'd approach it. Not telling her she's calling too much, but letting her know while you'll gladly answer when you can, you won't be able to split your attention during your day as much anymore. I wouldn't focus on qualifying it as it's its own big red flag if someone isn't able to grasp someone may simply not want to answer their phone to chit chat at any point during the day. Unfortunately, you've waited 8 months to consider drawing this line in the sand, so there is some inherent drama to changing the pattern. Best you can do is maintain or even step up efforts to make things happen through actual dates. If that's not enough assurance for her, then you're again looking incompatibility in the eye.

    Again speaking personally, I don't like either calling or texting. As far as arranging the next date, it's inconsequential to me whether it's done over SMS or through a quick 5-minute phone call. But beyond either, I greatly prefer consolidating the conversation into the time we're physically together. If either or both of us aren't getting that quality time face-to-face and in-person to where we're getting anxious over the lines and methods of communication, that's as clear a sign of incompatibility as any for me.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,593
    Originally Posted by nirm2009
    I've been with a girl for around 8 months and we've been hitting off pretty well. Except unfortunately she hates texting. She always wants to talk over the phone but I really don't like calling and flirting where everybody can hear what we're talking.
    Sometimes she can't hear what I'm saying andd the other way around.
    I can get pretty anxious inside my head over this :/ I'd totally prefer whatsapp or normal texting. I don't mind calling her everyday to wish her Good morning and Good night. And we take a video call every night I love that too. But the fact that she wants me to call before I have breakfast/lunch/dinner, and even when I want to talk about the simplest thing with her, that's the issue.
    How do you think I should face this?
    What does "I've been with a girl" mean exactly? I echo Rose's question, have you met each other in person?

    You mention, calling, texting, videochat, whatsapp but not one word about actually talking in person.

    Would you clarify please, my response (and I assume others) would depend on being clear about that, thanks.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •