Dated once. Now Friends.

I've known this woman for about a month and a half. We went on one date a few weeks ago. We planned to go on another. The night before she texted me she isn't ready to date. She still has feelings for her ex and wants to try to reconnect with him. She asked if we could just be friends. I agreed.

We have done a few things as friends and we've both had a great time.

Long story short we both want to go to a concert. It's about 2 hours away. I haven't purchased the tickets as of yet. We were discussing the concert via text. At one point she texts me that we should discuss getting a hotel room. At first I thought hey we are friends it sounds harmless to stay overnight. Now I'm not so sure.

Any opinions or other information would be a great help. Thanks

It's probably not a good idea. If she was serious about reconnecting with her ex or on rocky ground to begin with, being found with a male friend in a hotel room is not a great look for her. And you're just appearing too available which doesn't do anything for you if you have feelings for her. It's all wrong. Sorry.

If you don't really think much of her other than a casual acquaintance, why not. Otherwise, I wouldn't treat a friend that way either. I don't think she should be treating you this way if you're much of a friend also.

No, not a good idea.

It seems pretty clear that you still like her as more than a friend. She is still in love with her ex. Sure, she might like your attention and comfort but she doesn't have the same feelings as you do. That probably means that while you might get close on this particular night, she will continue to keep her distance thereafter as she tries to work things out with her ex.

Don't do any overnight "friend" activities. It's too date-like.

The risk here is that she is still looking to get her ex back, sharing a room with her has two possibilities :

One, you may end crossing the line and make love. You may have feelings for her only to find that she is using you in the meantime.

Two, you make love only later to be accused by her that you took advantage of her situation.

Until she resolves issues with her boyfriend, I would recommend that you remain friends who doesn't share any room alone or at night unless you don't mind to be heartbroken after falling for someone who loves another man.

Why do you want to be friends with her??

You met her 45 days ago, went on one date 20 days ago and now you are supposedly friends?

She is using you to do date like activities to get over her ex. And when she is over him or reconnects with him , you will be dropped!

There is no friendship here.

Go to the concert with a friend , not her.

I assume you were interested in dating her, why do you want to stay friends with her after she rejected you? If you want to go to this concert, go with your friends.

The night before she texted me she isn't ready to date. She still has feelings for her ex and wants to try to reconnect with him. She asked if we could just be friends. I agreed.

 

- She is being honest. Some people, after a breakup, go through a period of grieving called the rebound period. They are not yet ready to fall in love with a new partner.

So you are in the freindszone. That's ok as long as you continue to date other women - because nothing is going to happen here. You can only have one lover (you are supposed to) but you can't have too many friends!

OMG please don't turn into her cuddle buddy. Get separate rooms, enjoy the concert.

OMG please don't turn into her cuddle buddy. Get separate rooms, enjoy the concert.

- Haha! Cuddle bunny. I haven't heard that one in awhile.

Don't get caught in the crossfire of their on/off relationship. She's not "just friends" if you are hoping for more. Don't get used, don't get hurt. Unfortunately those are the only options she's offering. Even if you get lucky on the trip, she's still on/off with the bf.

She still has feelings for her ex and wants to try to reconnect with him. she texts me that we should discuss getting a hotel room.

OMG please don't turn into her cuddle buddy. Get separate rooms, enjoy the concert.

- Haha! Cuddle bunny. I haven't heard that one in awhile.

Or a bunny buddy.

Unless it's what he wants of course.

Don't go to the concert with her. If you go, go separately with a friend - if she is there, too, fine. Honestly, i would not see her again if she just told you she doesn't want to date you. If you won't listen and do it - keep it local

If you aren't worried about her pulling anything and you are perfectly happy as friends and aren't looking to do anything, where's the harm if you can save a little money.

Devils advocate...

If you aren't worried about her pulling anything and you are perfectly happy as friends and aren't looking to do anything, where's the harm if you can save a little money.

 

Devils advocate...

Sharing a hotel room with a woman who he has a romantic interest in where alcohol may be involved....what could go wrong??

Nope. No way. I read your other post about an ex, you aren't one to just move on. Didn't seem like you moved on from one date with this one, either. So if you hook up with this "friend" which is very likely if any amount of alcohol and room are involved, you are likely to be suffering in your own tortuous limbo for a long time afterwards as she bounces back and forth with her longings for an ex. No matter how good the show, you both are better off finding one that is closer and doesn't involve needing a room. Also good if you start finding women who are ready to date.

Thank you everyone for all of the advice. I really appreciate it.

Or a bunny buddy.

What's a "bunny buddy"? I've never heard of that.

Cuddle buddy, yes, bunny buddy no.

I swear the things I learn on this forum.....

What's a "bunny buddy"? I've never heard of that.

 

Cuddle buddy, yes, bunny buddy no.

 

I swear the things I learn on this forum.....

Maybe it's people who cuddle in bunny costumes. You know furries. HAHA

Sorry.. I was being sly about f-buddies and playing with the differences in cuddle bunny vs cuddle buddy (Smackie and Gary's posts). Why cuddle at all and skip right to the good stuff.

Oh I wrote cuddle bunny. Gotta love typos.

Maybe I'm a bit cynical, but it sounds like she wants the benefits of a bf without any of the cost. Who makes an offer of friendship after a single date? I understand being friendly if you run in the same social circles, but friends? Friendships are usually forged over time, not applied as necessary.

The whole thing doesn't pass the smell test. She doesn't have a single other friend to go to a concert with???