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Thread: Dating apps: Did you ever get a match? (Asking other men)

  1. #1

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    Dating apps: Did you ever get a match? (Asking other men)

    Aloha!

    I've been on and off on dating apps like Tinder and Happn. I also tried Bumble but there's like literally only a handful of potential matches a week. Guess it's just not popular here.

    I've tried Tinder for about 1,5 month now. I had ONE match with a woman but she seemed very.. troubled. I think she cut(s) herself judging from the marks on her arms. I installed Happn about two-three weeks ago I think.

    Anyway I must say there are beautiful women on Tinder - of whom many by the way seem to - social 'status' wise - have great jobs. Manager this, owner there, leading that and what not. Sometimes I doubt if what they're writing as their job title is actually the truth to make them look better, or functions have been 'bent' to look better. I get it - you want to stand out, that's my own dilemma too; but I'm not going with that flow. Because in the end you will be figured out.

    My own profile; I personally think my pictures are good, I use them on another dating site where you can get ratings and I score around 7.4/10. Which isn't bad being a guy.

    I'm not sure what to write on my profile honestly. I wrote some personality traits and hobbies, and what type of date/relation I'm looking for. I wonder if any women ever even read your description.

    But what I wonder most is; why am I not getting any matches? I read some harsh stuff like that 80% of women go for 20% of the men. I get it - I'm not ugly at all, neither dumb. But I'm not very tall - about 5"8 (1.70CM). I think that's where the issue lies since where I live the tallest people on earth live. Bad luck for me in this case.

    I did notice from past experiences though - that women are much easier into me when they get to know me personally. Of course women taller than me almost never are interested in me - that's harsh reality which I'm still having trouble accepting.

    So yeah.. I need to go out there and meet them personally, that's clear to me, just not sure where and how other than going out to a bar or parties. But that's another topic.

    Ah yes, I tried Tinder Premium for a month.. I did get matches by using that 'Extra exposure' lightning flash icon (you only get to use ONCE a month unless you buy more - try to not hit that button accidentally), but all of them were WAY outside of my living area or just not attractive to me at all.

    So.. who of you guys actually get a regular match without paying? Like once a week, every few days, perhaps even a day?

    P.S. I wonder if the men-women ratio on dating apps is as bad as it is on dating websites. Because let's be honest; a beautiful woman doesn't need a dating app other than to feel even more 'liked'.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I am not a man but I feel like you're limiting the responses you'll get by 50% automatically by your header (the very same 50% you're aiming to attract) and that doesn't seem helpful. If you've answered a questionnaire of some sort in order to "match" with someone I think your problems are in your answers. You may have done the same thing as what you've just done with your header (limit yourself). When was your last break up?

    I met my husband on a dating app. It wasn't so high tech back then and there weren't any sophisticated "matching" algorithms. Our jobs are very average and we look very plain. Height was not an issue as a woman but I hear it can be for men (people can be cruel when it comes to men's heights which I always laughed off as it never deterred me in my dating life).

    Maybe it helps taking a break? If you're overthinking it or thinking about it too much, I think you should give the dating thing a breather. You don't come across as very self-confident and it could be your tipping point in first impressions. Dates generally notice that kind of nervousness and if people can't understand what you're about, they won't remember you. Have you gone on any other dates besides the troubled person?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I admit I had the same reaction as Rose did. Why cut women out of a question that is, at root, about connecting to women? Something to think about, or not, but in the long run I think women have way more to offer you than men in what you're searching for in this post.

    That said, you asked men a question, I'm a man, and so I'll give you straight answers, with a dash of commentary. When I've been on dating apps—I've never done paid ones—I do get matches. How often? I don't know, exactly. But often. Probably nets out to be a daily thing when I'm on them.

    I can't say why, of course. You'd have to ask the women that question. I don't think much about all the numbers, about my height, my weight, where my looks net out on a 1-10 scale created my a corporate algorithm. I'd like to think that is what comes across on my profile, more than anything else. I never offered very much in the way of explaining myself, for what it's worth. Typically one clever sentence followed by an earnest one to convey that I didn't take this all too seriously but that I wasn't interested in bs—though I did ask some trusted female friends to "vet" my pics and profile. I do live in a gigantic metropolis, which probably helps. Safety in numbers, lots of bored people, etc.

    I did have a woman on an app ask me for my height once. That was strange. Guess it's a thing? My answer to that question is conventionally pleasing—I'm 6 ft tall, though I don't think I photograph as particularly "tall." Whatever. Her asking it was a turn off. I never replied—so who knows? Maybe she's on another forum being told to chill with asking dudes how tall they are if she actually, you know, wants to meet a nice dude.

    You do sound wound up a bit tight about all this. Odd as it sounds, that might come across in a profile. You could look like super stud, but that kind of nervy energy isn't for everyone. So I'm with Rose in thinking this might be time for a break, to just be you out there in the world a bit so that's what's coming across on the apps—as opposed to someone who is really trying to figure out this whole app biz and how to get more matches.

    It's brutal out there, no doubt. Or it's really fun. Depends on how you look at it. I could spin my past stretch of apps and singledom and dating into some horror stories—those icky nights when you're on the couch swiping, those go-nowhere chats and go-nowhere dates. But I don't fret too much. There was plenty of fun too, and, hey, I did meet someone spectacular on an app who I'm now with. But I really don't think that's because of my height or the two sentences under my name. I think it's because I didn't care too much about all of that, if that makes sense.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I met my husband on a dating app. It wasn't so high tech back then and there weren't any sophisticated "matching" algorithms.
    He is not using sophisticated dating sites like e harmony.
    Tinder only requires photos , can optionally put a bit of a blurb on there if want but it’s free text not tick boxes.

    He doesn’t have to mention his height , job, anything. It’s photo based predominantly.

    OP, get a friend to check your pictures.
    One bad picture can negate 10 good ones.
    On apps like tinder where you don’t have to put any specifics or text on.
    Keep it minimal even if simply just to say “looking to date and see where things go, ultimately looking for a relationship, not looking for a hook up”

    Best of luck!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I'll just add that you should check out other ways to meet women, like Meetup.com activities in your area, if there are any. Join a co-ed sports team. Volunteer at a zoo or museum or Habitat for Humanity. Join book discussion groups. Take dance classes--tango, salsa, ballroom, swing.

  7. #6
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Classes and groups are some of the best places to meet women.

    Other places are the mall and the beach, parks. You can bring a prop like wearing a bright shirt, or bring a dog. Get the women to come up to you!

  8. #7
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    From a woman who has been on these apps:

    -DON'T include pictures of yourself with other women!
    -DON'T include pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror.
    -Use pictures that other people took...and that are not staged.
    -Don't make a big deal about your height. A confident woman is OK with a few inches difference. Look at Pharell.
    -Tinder is gross. Really gross.

    And please tell me where the tallest men on earth are!

  9. #8
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    If you have stuff in your profile, it's just like a resume. Don't list every little detail about yourself. List the best details, and if you can, spice them up enough to show you have a personality. Same with photos - it's not a "here's what my face looks like", it should be "here is what I look like when I'm having fun, don't you want to come have fun with me?"

    If you don't have photos like that, you need to work on your irl profile rather than your app profile (and remember in those times you are having fun to get someone to snap your photo so you can prove it).

    I wouldn't say I'm very attractive, but got a couple matches a week from coffee meets bagel and a few more than that from okcupid when I was active. Last year I dated about 10 people with no strong connections. This year I am now in a relationship with one of the first matches of the year after taking a few months break.

  10. #9
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    I did an experiment where I made a profile using pictures of a very unattractive and unkempt girl and she matched with probably 90% of guys. Then I did a profile with a normal nice looking girl with a nice profile and she matched only about 50%. Some of the guys who were really quite slobby and yuk rejected the attractive girl, it was rather confusing. What that tells me is dating sites are crap. I think it’s much better to try and meet someone in real life.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by R85
    Aloha!

    I've been on and off on dating apps like Tinder and Happn. I also tried Bumble but there's like literally only a handful of potential matches a week. Guess it's just not popular here.

    I've tried Tinder for about 1,5 month now. I had ONE match with a woman but she seemed very.. troubled. I think she cut(s) herself judging from the marks on her arms. I installed Happn about two-three weeks ago I think.

    Anyway I must say there are beautiful women on Tinder - of whom many by the way seem to - social 'status' wise - have great jobs. Manager this, owner there, leading that and what not. Sometimes I doubt if what they're writing as their job title is actually the truth to make them look better, or functions have been 'bent' to look better. I get it - you want to stand out, that's my own dilemma too; but I'm not going with that flow. Because in the end you will be figured out.

    My own profile; I personally think my pictures are good, I use them on another dating site where you can get ratings and I score around 7.4/10. Which isn't bad being a guy.

    I'm not sure what to write on my profile honestly. I wrote some personality traits and hobbies, and what type of date/relation I'm looking for. I wonder if any women ever even read your description.

    But what I wonder most is; why am I not getting any matches? I read some harsh stuff like that 80% of women go for 20% of the men. I get it - I'm not ugly at all, neither dumb. But I'm not very tall - about 5"8 (1.70CM). I think that's where the issue lies since where I live the tallest people on earth live. Bad luck for me in this case.

    I did notice from past experiences though - that women are much easier into me when they get to know me personally. Of course women taller than me almost never are interested in me - that's harsh reality which I'm still having trouble accepting.

    So yeah.. I need to go out there and meet them personally, that's clear to me, just not sure where and how other than going out to a bar or parties. But that's another topic.

    Ah yes, I tried Tinder Premium for a month.. I did get matches by using that 'Extra exposure' lightning flash icon (you only get to use ONCE a month unless you buy more - try to not hit that button accidentally), but all of them were WAY outside of my living area or just not attractive to me at all.

    So.. who of you guys actually get a regular match without paying? Like once a week, every few days, perhaps even a day?

    P.S. I wonder if the men-women ratio on dating apps is as bad as it is on dating websites. Because let's be honest; a beautiful woman doesn't need a dating app other than to feel even more 'liked'.
    You get what you pay for.

    I used to do fairly well on Match. I didn't have to write a lot of emails. It took me a few years to really find my stride with OLD. In general here's what I found that worked well:

    1. Care less. Accept the statistics are against you. You're in a hyper-competitive environment. The good looking guys with game are going to get the lion share of attention. It's no different in real life. It's just that online we see that quantified. So if you're not in that 20 percent, then you have to accept that and get into the top of the 80 percent. Remember those 20 percent of men are going after the women that get most of the attention. Frustration will show in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways. Caring too much about outcomes you have little control over is futile.

    2. When it's not fun, stop doing it. Don't stay online if you're not enjoying it. See 1.

    3. OLD is only one arrow in your quiver. I would recommend most people try to meet IRL. Although I met many women online, I only ever dated one for a few months. I met my fiance IRL. The other relationship I formed post divorce was IRL. Get out there.

    4. Hang out where the men aren't. Like I said, OLD is very competitive. I joined a running club about five years ago. The ratio of men to women was out of whack. About ten women to one man. Most were married, but that's not the only point. Getting to know women and getting comfortable talking to them will help. It will also increase the size of your social circle. After befriending a few women, they were quick to try and set me up with friends. I did eventually meet a single runner. I pursued her, we dated, but in the end it didn't happen. I also eventually met my fiance in this group. More time outside, less time in front of computer/phone.

    5. Take the competing serious. Do you dress outstanding? Not well, but outstanding. If you walked into a bar do men and women notice? If you meet an athletic woman can you keep up? When I started running/working out and losing weight I received more interest online. Pretty simple really. Generally, humans are more attracted to fitter humans.

    6. When writing your profile I think the most important thing is to stand out. If you can't stand out based on looks, then you'll have to be creative. My experience online is that there are only five or six profiles and everyone just re-uses the same cliches and tired boring lines. Women receive lots of emails and attention. They may not pick you based on a good profile, but they sure will rule you out if you are the same as the other 100 profiles she sifted through. Can't help you much here. Try reading your competitors profiles, and NOT be like them. There's a fine line separating unique from wierd. It might take some tinkering.

    7. Honest up to date photographs.

    8. Don't describe yourself, tell stories. Don't say you have a good sense of humour, demonstrate it in your profile. Don't say you like music, talk about an instrument you play, or talk about your favorite concert.


    If you are not doing any of the above, you're coming across as just another dude on OLD site. Stand out, be bold, f**** convention.


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