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Thread: Three dates in the first week...Time to slow down?

  1. #1
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    Three dates in the first week...Time to slow down?

    Do you think meeting and hanging out three times in a week is a little excessive? There is no sex and I don't intend on anything sexual to happen anytime soon. I'm quite interested in the guy and it's very easy with him, but maybe once a week is better to pace it out?

    In the past I've had 4 dates in the first week before and then literally like 4 or 5 dates a week every week after and that was a very intense but somewhat short-lived relationship. I don't want that to happen again.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I don't think there are really any rules to this stuff. Just because one person you hung out with 3 times (or more) in a week burned out fast, doesn't mean that's what always happens.

    My feeling, for whatever it's worth, is that I like to feel like "myself," meaning that the bright new thing, exciting as it is, isn't throwing me into another solar system but just sort of adding to that thing that is me. If that's once a week, great. If it's four times a week, great. If I'm suddenly spinning around in my head about it all and struggling to focus on other thingsónot great, and maybe time to reconnect to myself so I can keep connecting, authentically, to the new person.

    And, sure, maybe that means letting off the throttle the tiniest bit.

    He's not the last guy. He's a new guy. Some version of what happened in the pastóbasically it not working outómight happen. That's always the risk. Then again, it might be different. That's the thrill. The more you can be open to that reality, rather than trying to hedge against it to prevent being scraped up as you once were, the better the chance of it becoming something different and genuine.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I agree with Bluecastle. You both make the rules. If you're worried about how you are coming across or first impressions, gauge by his behaviours and how he responds to you. If it's not the type of relationship you're looking for be honest with him about what you're looking for and most of all be honest with yourself.

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    I dont think its set in stone but a little time apart allows you both to miss each other, creates more anticipation and keeps things fun during this stage. Dont mold your current relationship to your past failed ones....its a different person, different connection. Enjoy yourself, set your own pace to the two of you.

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    I donít think there are any rules to this. If you have fewer dates in a week, perhaps thereís more time to miss each other and you can also observe how much he is texting etc., but I donít think itís a bad thing to have three dates in a week.

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    The pace to go at, is the pace you and your interest agree to.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    One date a week is perfect. It gives you time to process your feelings, him, etc.

    However, some people really hit it off right away, have a little love at first sight, and can't stay away from each other. So it depends on the situation.

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    I used to hate the saying ďAbsence makes the heart grow fonder.Ē In fact I still hate the saying and itís not true!

    I think if you space it out too much you donít really get to know each other. Where as a couple dates or three a week is a good amount to know if you have something there.

    With my boyfriend in the beginning we spent three to four days a week. Then when he moved now we only spend weekends. Weíve been going strong for six months so it works for us.

    Donít worry about the past relationship burning out. There were probably inconsistencies in that relationship to begin with.

    Enjoy the new relationship and set yourself a pace you both find comfortable.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    One date a week is perfect. It gives you time to process your feelings, him, etc.
    This is a very good point. Thanks for mentioning. When my husband and I met we went on first and second dates back to back Sunday/Monday but it was because of some personal limitations (unable to coordinate time together as frequently as we would have liked). I like the idea of taking time to process feelings inbetween and savouring the time spent, making it more about quality time together. It also depends on your other commitments and what your schedules are like.

  11. #10
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    There are no rules. If you want to see him, see him. If you don't, don't!

    I find, that when I am dating someone new and I am really interested, I want to be around them a lot! So it seems totally normal to me. But some people are different. As long as you are having a good time and don't feel like he is being needy or possessive, go for it!

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