Beyond adulthood

[Cherylyn]

I don't think I completely follow this part. Could you elaborate?

Sorry, sometimes I struggle to follow things that are actually really straightforward.

Oops, I meant I'm just reiterating about living in the moment just as others have told you. Try not to stress. Enjoy life, meet new people, make life exciting and try not to get too philosophical with your life. This is how it was when I was very young. Live life to the fullest and don't take it too seriously, Of course, take care of your schooling and career. In the meantime, don't fret. Enjoy the ride. If you're happy, focus on that.

[greendots]

I hear where you are coming from with the differentiation between long-term and the detours. Detour is the perfect word for it. Maybe I just played too many video games growing up, but I really do look at life a lot like a video game. I feel like I'm on a lot of side quests at the moment and I'm looking to get back toward the main quest, whatever that may happen to be.

I like your suggestions. I definitely intend to try my hand at writing, even if it can never be published, I have way too much to say before I die.

Now that I have active friendships again, I am currently talking with a few friends about trying to record music and play local shows. There are a lot of creative endeavors I would like to accomplish. I'm also looking forward to traveling for the first time this coming August.

But now that I'm actually talking about it, I guess what I'm looking for is whatever the main focus in my life could possibly be. I very much enjoy my job right now because the amount of responsibility is low and the pay is very good for such a position, but I think I desire something more. If this is my career and my main focus in life, I think I need something that would yield more of an accomplishment than just the paycheck.

I don't know, the more I talk the more I think I should try and go for the promotion

The video game analogy is great! I was about to reply yesterday but looking at life from a video game perspective made me ponder on the important of detours as sometimes we choose them and other times it’s forced upon us (e.g. death of a loved one) and we then roll with it.

But, may I ask you something? What drives you? What really gets you going?

I find that, whatever it is that we do in life, our pursuit isn’t about us but about serving others. It’s just then, when we shift our focus to actually serving others, that the rewards are much sweeter.

By the way writing, recording music & playing local shows and that promotion - all sound like exciting adventures to embark on!

[GreenGoose22]

The video game analogy is great! I was about to reply yesterday but looking at life from a video game perspective made me ponder on the important of detours as sometimes we choose them and other times it’s forced upon us (e.g. death of a loved one) and we then roll with it.

But, may I ask you something? What drives you? What really gets you going?

I find that, whatever it is that we do in life, our pursuit isn’t about us but about serving others. It’s just then, when we shift our focus to actually serving others, that the rewards are much sweeter.

By the way writing, recording music & playing local shows and that promotion - all sound like exciting adventures to embark on!

I was thinking on this today and I realized something. I've always had the intention of writing novels, but I think in my mind that always felt like a "great side quest." I make no bones about it, I'm far from a good writer (not being hard on myself or fishing for compliments, I say this with pride. I would rather be subpar but create what I want to create) and if I were lucky enough to land something, turning it into a 9 to 5 would suck the fun right out of it for me.

So it's definitely something that I want to do with my life, but it always felt like something on the side while "real life" goes on.

But I've taken a few things from this thread, both my love for viewing the world creatively and my need for some amount of structure.

What gets me going are those Christmas breaks that feel like full blown movies. What gets me going are those long weeks of work that pay off in something better than I could ever imagine.

What truly gets me going is where I am comfortable enough and stable enough in my daily life, that while I am going through it, I can turn it all into a greater story in my head. While I am living my life, I can daydream about the life I am living as if it is something much more than it could ever be.

Because let's be honest, even with all the money, power, and luck in the world, I could never become a video game character. It is absolutely impossible that I will ever literally be in a video game. But that's ok! Because the moments in life that I have felt happiest have been those moments where I can complete the tasks at hand but still dream at the same time. And I am glad to report that I have that again. When I first started working after college, I was scared to death that I had to think about work 24/7. I'm happy to see that's not the case.

So yes, I do want to write, and record, and go for the promotion. But most of all, I want to get my life to a point where the train tracks I'm on allow for dreaming, because that dreaming is where all the best stories come from for me. And living that dream is easier when I have something to contextualize it around. A few years back it was college, before that it was high school. The past few years have felt like a limbo for me, but I'm coming out on the other side now.

As to what way I can structure my life so it can have a rhythm and set of seasons to dream around, I'm not quite sure yet. But from the responses I've gotten here, I'm a lot more optimistic that it can be done.

And you jot that down to every other post I've made on this forum. At the moment the odds felt like they were against me, but I have since found that I can mold my life into whatever I want it to be.

[loyal]

You don't have to look for creativity when your life feels like a book.

Then maybe it is time to write that book?

[catfeeder]

Every article I read on this says things along the lines of "well obviously you need to find another goal." Obviously? I didn't realize it was that simple. And even still, how do you find a goal?

Heh-heh! That got ya, huh?

CongrAts on your accomplishments. In terms of you own private 'next,' any small goal is fine. Even if it's just to relax and continue rounding out your social life as you are already doing. You've stated how much that means to you, so take a breather and enjOy it--for as long as you wish.

The main reason targeting even small goals is healthy has to do with the nature of the brain. It is always in problem solving mode. So to avoid having it create unnecessary problems to solve, just feed yourself some beneficial carrots to chew on. A mild to-do list that includes mundane things like getting your groceries or mailing something is fine. You'll gain a sense of accomplishment even while your brain will tend to seek out the next thing to focus on.

Any list, even if it's mental, and even if it's just about organizing your errands or household purchases prevents the brain from creating unnecessary problems to solve.

Some people are worriers. They tend to overthink and fear worst case scenarios and create crises to 'manage' their life around by jumping through hoops all fo the time. That's not necessary. As long as you are content to address your daily and household concerns, then you are not likely at risk to become a high anxiety person.

However, if you start feeling a void, it's a good idea to put your creativity to work and come up with a longer range goal or two that you can break down in steps to work toward. This addresses feelings of restlessness, IF you start to have those. If not, then there is nothing 'wrong' or unhealthy about just enjoying your life as you see fit.

There are no judges or juries. Nobody is living our lives for us, so nobody else gets a vote. Taking the time to relax and enjoy any given state that you've already worked hard to reach is a blessing, not something to sabotage with arbitrary hoops to keep jumping through.

Head high, and embrace BEING, as opposed to doing, whenever you can. That's a life stage that you've earned, and should you reach a point of saturation that tells you it's time to move 'forward' in search of something else, you'll have already gained enough self knowledge to discover what that longer range goal might become.

[greendots]

Hey GreenGoose22,

All I can say is that your reply made me smile.

I have since found that I can mold my life into whatever I want it to be.

Always! We may not be able to change our past, but we can certainly rewrite the next chapter of our saga.

You write with so much drive and passion that I’m certain your next chapters are going to be incredible!

[Jibralta]

I think throughout high school and college, I was able to enjoy hobbies and experiences more because I saw them all within the context of a greater picture, moving forward from grade to grade, and then moving forward to my degree. I know this is an age old question that probably has been answered before elsewhere in this forum, but I must ask if that is something you ever feel again?

That greater picture was set out for you by others. Until now, your forward progress has been guided: school, undergraduate school, graduate school, job, promotion, etc. You probably didn't notice it much because the path felt natural to you. In fact, it sounds like you enjoyed that security.

I can't really relate to that entirely, but I can relate to that cast-adrift feeling that follows after all of those goals have been achieved.

Will the sense of certainty ever return? I don't know.

And even still, how do you find a goal?

I was also stymied by this question, and I think I still am to some extent. But eventually, what I decided is that I just want to be happy. That's my goal. Every decision is measured with, "but what would I really like to do?" And if it's not immediately possible, the steps to get there become my short-term goals.

I think of it like sailing. Before, you were a passenger on a ship with an itinerary. Now, you have to captain the ship and be the passenger at the same time. The itinerary is now just an option.

[GreenGoose22]

Will the sense of certainty ever return? I don't know.

Oh I do believe it will. I'm feeling closer and close to it each day.

I hear you on the captain and passenger analogy, that might be one of the best ones I've heard so far.

But I honestly feel like I'm getting closer to having an itinerary locked down and being able to ride the winds similar to how I was used to riding them before. Not that I'm so bogged down by structure that I can't appreciate the spontaneous moments. I guess it's sometimes within that structure that the spontaneous moments are easier to contextualize.

I guess I'm just repeating myself, but I really want to thank everyone here because I've really put together that I'm not looking for meaning as much as I'm looking for an itinerary. And I see absolutely no reason why that cannot be had.

[Jibralta]

Cool. Glad you have such a good outlook.

[greendots]

That's great to hear.