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Thread: My inability to comfort my GF is costing me the love of my life

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    So now I see you posted basically this same thing 3 months ago. Some cursory math leads me to conclude that, at this point, you've now been in this phase of the relationship as long as you were in the "good" phase you're desperately trying to get back to.

    Think about that for a moment. You are quickly tipping into the moment when the majority of your time with this woman has been bad, spent beating yourself up for not being able to fix her, heal her, cure her. In other words this is not a "rough patch," but what you guys are, what your relationship is, what you plus her has evolved into.

    And, per Rose's post above, it sounds deeply codependent. She's struggling, I get it. But you're struggling too. You can stay focused on her depression, but do know that that focus is a form of sickness too. That feeling of being drained that haunts you daily? That devouring obsession with her and fixing things? That isn't quite love, but something else.

    I'm not saying there isn't love here, on both sides, but neither of you are harnessing that inside the relationship. It's not the fuel in the engine. That fuel is something a little more questionable, dangerous, and spirit-crushing. Codependency. Do some Googling.

    Whatever is going on with her, I would take some real time right now to figure out what's going on with you.

  2. #12
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    How did you make her worse? what did you do exactly...

  3. #13
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Well if she's got mental issues such as excess emotional baggage and depression, there is probably not much you can do for her, she needs professional counseling.

    It's a sad thing to say but some people with mental issues do not make good catches.

  4. #14
    Silver Member
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    Is it possible for you to step out of yourself for a minute and look at your situation as a third party? It really sounds like she is very manipulative! Why is she counting on you to get her out of her depression? That's her job.

    What she's doing is trying to make you as miserable as she is because misery loves company. She needs to get real, qualified help for her issues and stop blaming you. And you need to stand up to her and tell her that!

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