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Thread: Chronic coughing from partner

  1. #11
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I don't know. For me, this is another case of "life is too short." Dude's cough bothers you that much, then yeah, maybe a one-off question of what it's about. Then either he cares enough to get it checked out or he doesn't. If he doesn't care, what reason do you have to? And even if he did, if it's as mild and chronic as you're suggesting, it's just as likely as not that a doctor will properly diagnose and medically treat him.

    If I were dating a woman like this, I'd decide whether I could live with the cough or not. Doubt he's damned to singledom for it.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It's not too attractive though, is it?

    Who wants a guy to constantly be reminding you of phlegm or ruining your sleep.

    Ask him to please go see a doctor about it, hopefully it is just allergies or something small but Kat's not wrong...it could be as serious as cancer.

    Either way, he should get it checked out, for both your sakes.

  3. #13
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    Thank you all for your responses and some of the information you have provided on what his issue could be. It could definitely be any of those things mentioned.
    I have tried to not zero in on it so much and appreciate other things, as he is a really nice guy. As mentioned, I donít care about it sometimes but then it really gets to me other times because it is just so loud. I hate to sound dramatic, but it actually hurts my ears sometimes when heís really close to me or when weíre on the phone. And as others have mentioned, itís getting a little unattractive too I canít lie. Iím sure he would feel the same if I was coughing like that all the time too.

    I have talked to him about getting it seriously looked into, but he seems very uninterested in that. He does work in healthcare I might add so would have very easy access to get it looked into if he wanted to. Even while at work he could ask around so it looks like he sees it as unimportant.
    Heís claimed heís had allergies since he was young, but others mentioned it might be one of those tics he just canít help but doing and doesnít even realize heís doing it. This appears to be an all year thing.

    Could anyone suggest a way to broach the conversation about how the coughing is bothering me in a nice way? I donít want to come off as rude. I have hinted at it sooo many times, and thought I was being pretty direct with my comments, but thatís clearly not making any sense to him.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Npgirl09
    Thank you all for your responses and some of the information you have provided on what his issue could be. It could definitely be any of those things mentioned.
    I have tried to not zero in on it so much and appreciate other things, as he is a really nice guy. As mentioned, I donít care about it sometimes but then it really gets to me other times because it is just so loud. I hate to sound dramatic, but it actually hurts my ears sometimes when heís really close to me or when weíre on the phone. And as others have mentioned, itís getting a little unattractive too I canít lie. Iím sure he would feel the same if I was coughing like that all the time too.

    I have talked to him about getting it seriously looked into, but he seems very uninterested in that. He does work in healthcare I might add so would have very easy access to get it looked into if he wanted to. Even while at work he could ask around so it looks like he sees it as unimportant.
    Heís claimed heís had allergies since he was young, but others mentioned it might be one of those tics he just canít help but doing and doesnít even realize heís doing it. This appears to be an all year thing.

    Could anyone suggest a way to broach the conversation about how the coughing is bothering me in a nice way? I donít want to come off as rude. I have hinted at it sooo many times, and thought I was being pretty direct with my comments, but thatís clearly not making any sense to him.
    You already did. Take it or leave it, lady.

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  6. #15
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    Other than suggesting he have a medical doctor check him out, I am not sure what else you can say to him.

    I mean it's not like he's doing this on purpose, or has any control over it whatsoever such that he could stop if you told him it annoys you.

    >>it sounds as though heís about to spit out phlegm in his throat.

    Yes I know that sound, my mom suffered from the same thing, and as I said it was lung cancer which she passed away from.

    So if there is phlegm he's coughing up or having trouble coughing up (which is how it was with my mom), there is something wrong more than a "tic" and he needs to have it checked out.

    That said, it's not your place to push him, you've suggested it, he's resistant to it which boggles my mind, but his call I suppose.

    So I don't know what to advise you really.

    I know for me, the fact he refuses to look after his health by getting it checked it out, would have me rethinking things, I find that attitude really irresponsible.

    And I also know if I had a chronic cough like that, I'd be very aware of how I am most likely annoying others, and for just that reason alone, I'd have it checked out.

    I mean if he has two brain cells to rub together, he has to know it must be annoying you on some level (heck, I'm annoyed just imagining it, thinking back to my mom may she RIP) and for him to simply disregard that, would not sit well with me at all.

    But your call, good luck.

  7. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    It might not be cancer too like I said I have an asthmatic cough . I have it all year round . I wasnít even diagnosed asthmatic until almost 26 years ago. I was in my late 20s . And I had been asthmatic it since birth . When I was a little kid in gym class I would cough until I threw up . However mine sounds like a barking seal . Like someone with perpetual croup . It is really bad when humid and when Iím sick . I just have a really time clearing my lungs of fluid .

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    If you've been direct already, I'm not sure how else you can go about it other than to just tell him it bothers you and you hope he finds a solution for it.

  9. #18
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    I pray it's not cancer, and I'm not saying it's definitely that, only that it's so important that he get it checked out.

    Another possibility is chronic bronchitis which produces the same symptoms (the phlegm) but heck it could be so many things!

    I liked Sherry's idea, perhaps if he knew how much it bothered you, it would push him to get it checked.

    But again it boggles my mind he wouldn't instinctively know it bothers you, chronic coughing especially with phlegm would drive even the most patient person insane!

    Most people know this I would assume.

    Anyway, I've experienced it with my mom, so I know how it goes. For me and my brothers, it was just something we had to learn to live with for the most part as there was nothing she could do about it.

  10. #19
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    I, too, have the asthmatic cough, the one where I cough until I feel my ribs are going to break, but like Seraphim, mine is more like a barking seal, lol, rather than the one the OP describes, which is unfortunately similar to what Katrina describes.

    In my case, it came on suddenly, and lasted for several weeks, then goes away for a year, repeat. I was dating someone at the time, and he was just really blunt about it. He said I must go get it checked out, as it could be tuberculosis, which honestly scared me. Receiving the "your childhood asthma is acting up" diagnosis, with an inhaler, really was awesome.

    I would have one more sit-down talk with him about it, and be honest. You'll be there for him through the doctor's appointment, and for whatever comes afterward, but that you simply can't stay if he won't get it checked out, as it's affecting your relationship.

    I can't imagine what his co-workers, or people in restaurants, airplanes, public places, think of this. When mine comes on, I move out of the room, as it's awful.

  11. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    I, too, have the asthmatic cough, the one where I cough until I feel my ribs are going to break, but like Seraphim, mine is more like a barking seal, lol, rather than the one the OP describes, which is unfortunately similar to what Katrina describes.

    In my case, it came on suddenly, and lasted for several weeks, then goes away for a year, repeat. I was dating someone at the time, and he was just really blunt about it. He said I must go get it checked out, as it could be tuberculosis, which honestly scared me. Receiving the "your childhood asthma is acting up" diagnosis, with an inhaler, really was awesome.

    I would have one more sit-down talk with him about it, and be honest. You'll be there for him through the doctor's appointment, and for whatever comes afterward, but that you simply can't stay if he won't get it checked out, as it's affecting your relationship.

    I can't imagine what his co-workers, or people in restaurants, airplanes, public places, think of this. When mine comes on, I move out of the room, as it's awful.
    Yeah, because I work with children I have to be tested for TB Iíve been tested 1 million times for TB I definitely donít have that . I just have asthmatic bark . Nothing I can do about it.

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