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Thread: Ex Boyfriend Messaged me; what now?! (Screenshot)

  1. #21
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sullensloth
    If you had read my past posts and had the intellect to ‘put 2&2 together’ you would understand that I had not, and will not ever, ‘throw around [such terms] in jest’.

    Fair of you to have your opinion on the situation, as I asked for it after all. But do no insinuate that I would use any of this as some sort of cry of attention. ‘Is he actually abusing you?’ Newsflash; toxic and abusive people do not have to act that way all of the time for them to still be that way.

    I feel ridiculous.. because in a sense it almost feels as if I am defending him? No- I am not. Yes he was abusive and toxic towards me, and yes I still am clinging onto the remnants of ‘what could have been’. So I will certainly move on and get help but don’t you ever dare ask anyone that question again.

    Accountability is everything. I get that. But what you just tried to do- I also sort of understand but you just missed it by thaaaat much. Thanks for the sentiment though.
    NEWSFLASH!!

    These were your words:

    Last night- my ex boyfriend messaged me. We’ve been in an off and on again relationship for a while.. so I know I should not just jump back in and that I should take what he says with a grain of salt.. but what do you make of this ? Click image for larger version.

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    what should I do? All of me wants to message back.. but none of me wants to get hurt again..
    Your original post mentioned none of those PERTINENT details. You state your relationship is on again off again as the reason you know you shouldn't contact him, you mentioned none of the verbal abuse.

    I can only assume its because you either didnt want it known because Im sure you know 'my exboyfriend is verbally abusing me but hes sweet talking me at this moment, what should I do?' (which is apparently the truth) isnt very pretty, nor was 'I cheated on my boyfriend but its ok because he verbally abuses me.' Also super bad, so please step down off the cross.

    You have become an active participant in this toxic drama and only you have the power to walk away.

    So all that venom and indignation you directed towards me for attempting to point that out, point it at the person who deserves it, and you get help for yourself, you sound young, you are learning bad and unhealthy relationship habits.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    NEWSFLASH!!

    These were your words:



    Your original post mentioned none of those PERTINENT details. You state your relationship is on again off again as the reason you know you shouldn't contact him, you mentioned none of the verbal abuse.

    I can only assume its because you either didnt want it known because Im sure you know 'my exboyfriend is verbally abusing me but hes sweet talking me at this moment, what should I do?' (which is apparently the truth) isnt very pretty, nor was 'I cheated on my boyfriend but its ok because he verbally abuses me.' Also super bad, so please step down off the cross.

    You have become an active participant in this toxic drama and only you have the power to walk away.

    So all that venom and indignation you directed towards me for attempting to point that out, point it at the person who deserves it, and you get help for yourself, you sound young, you are learning bad and unhealthy relationship habits.
    My post was asking for opinions and what to do. You gave me yours, so thank you.

    What i refuse to stand for under any circumstance is you asking me or anyone else ‘wAs He rEaLLy AbUsInG yOu?’, because that’s just rude and insensitive. And yes- I did not mention those -pertinent- details, as the post was more of a ‘please morally support me’ post. But thanks for having to be so right ! I am young, and I will get help, thanks for the obvious message through the passive aggressive undertones. We can both spew venom, sorry mine was direct.

    Now leave me & this post alone. I understand I am not perfect or in the right in this situation but it doesn’t give you the right to question the validity of what I had said. (& that is not me saying I am right or all knowing or that you aren’t capable of intelligence- just means I won’t tolerate you undermining what I went through !)

    Do not try and piece together the whole story from my mere few posts. I get it, I posted a few ugly truths about my past relationship that you might have used to further form an opinion but guess what? Wasn’t the full story. So tell me to get over it and go about your day. This site is called ‘enotalone’, not ‘e-letsplayselfrighteous’.

    thanks for the sentiment

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    NEWSFLASH!!

    These were your words:



    Your original post mentioned none of those PERTINENT details. You state your relationship is on again off again as the reason you know you shouldn't contact him, you mentioned none of the verbal abuse.

    I can only assume its because you either didnt want it known because Im sure you know 'my exboyfriend is verbally abusing me but hes sweet talking me at this moment, what should I do?' (which is apparently the truth) isnt very pretty, nor was 'I cheated on my boyfriend but its ok because he verbally abuses me.' Also super bad, so please step down off the cross.

    You have become an active participant in this toxic drama and only you have the power to walk away.

    So all that venom and indignation you directed towards me for attempting to point that out, point it at the person who deserves it, and you get help for yourself, you sound young, you are learning bad and unhealthy relationship habits.
    & since you are SO focused on what I did and what I had mentioned in previous posts;

    did I cheat on him for cussing me out? (Since this is how you’re making it sound lol)

    does me talking to another guy after he broke up with me cheating ? NO lol, but certainly at that time it felt like I had betrayed him. if you’re going to gather details from previous posts, actually read them. read those pertinent details

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    NEWSFLASH!!

    These were your words:



    Your original post mentioned none of those PERTINENT details. You state your relationship is on again off again as the reason you know you shouldn't contact him, you mentioned none of the verbal abuse.

    I can only assume its because you either didnt want it known because Im sure you know 'my exboyfriend is verbally abusing me but hes sweet talking me at this moment, what should I do?' (which is apparently the truth) isnt very pretty, nor was 'I cheated on my boyfriend but its ok because he verbally abuses me.' Also super bad, so please step down off the cross.

    You have become an active participant in this toxic drama and only you have the power to walk away.

    So all that venom and indignation you directed towards me for attempting to point that out, point it at the person who deserves it, and you get help for yourself, you sound young, you are learning bad and unhealthy relationship habits.
    I do not want to end this on the vibe that I am defending my ex boyfriend, or even my behavior. Like yeah I get it, it’s all drama and toxic and it’s better off gone. But all I needed was emotional support to keep someone away, not your self righteous bull. So thank you for your two cents, now go and be correct somewhere else

    ‘wAs He rEaLLy AbUsInG yOu’
    , give me a break.

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  6. #25
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    Sullen,

    I think Figure hit a nerve or you would not be so defensive. Instead, of getting upset with her, you should be focusing it on yourself. Your anger is misdirected. Once you own some of this, you will start the healing process. Victimizing ourselves is never good.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Sullen,

    I think Figure hit a sore spot, or you would not be so defensive. Instead of getting upset with her, you should be focusing it on yourself. Your anger is misdirected. Once you own some of this, you will start the healing process. Victimizing ourselves is never good.
    yes, the sore spot was the invalidation.

    i sat and contemplated much before replying. my anger is as someone who felt the need to ask me if i had really been abused. I feel ridiculous now, having to almost ‘fight’ for the right to say I was abused. How gross, I don’t want want. I don’t want to be a victim. I don’t want to be right in saying I was abused, but I was. Did I allow it? Sure yes I allowed it into my life but it was still not my fault. His mistreatment of me, whether or not I accepted the phone call, was not my fault. I just did not want to be invalidated in my time of need.

    and by the way- I acknowledged (I think) everything you just said in a post of mine. look back at the pertinent details lol

  8. #27
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sullensloth
    yes, the sore spot was the invalidation.

    i sat and contemplated much before replying. my anger is as someone who felt the need to ask me if i had really been abused. I feel ridiculous now, having to almost ‘fight’ for the right to say I was abused. How gross, I don’t want want. I don’t want to be a victim. I don’t want to be right in saying I was abused, but I was. Did I allow it? Sure yes I allowed it into my life but it was still not my fault. His mistreatment of me, whether or not I accepted the phone call, was not my fault. I just did not want to be invalidated in my time of need.

    and by the way- I acknowledged (I think) everything you just said in a post of mine. look back at the pertinent details lol
    Understood.

    I apologize.

    You are strategic, which is what has me questioning to begin with, you know when to and when not to wield the abuse word, “ I cheated on my abusive boyfriend” vs “ my on again off again boyfriend is messaging me, what should I do” also... girl, you got some bark behind your bite, which is why I can see, you are not a passenger here, you are an active participant in this toxicity, does it take away anything he’s done? Absolutely not, but it does show YOU need to walk away and heal YOU, because it takes two to tango and you can’t have toxicity if one of the players taps out. He’s got a hold on you, that’s clear, you have to find the strength to block and walk away.

    I have been abused, I have worked with raped and abused women, I don’t get distracted by the word, so sometimes it’s used as a smoke screen to avoid looking within, but if you don’t, you’ll just end up in another toxic abusive situation. Statistically an abused woman is more likely to enter into another abusive situation. Isn’t that awful? We go with what we’re familiar with, you have to stop the cycle, YOU.

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