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To reach out or not to reach out pt 2.


Sixersfan234

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I went on a date last Friday and on the surface the date went ok. After the date was over I had a feeling that she wasn't that into me. The vibe just felt a little off, plus she would be on her phone on and off, which I didn't like. She texted me later on that night making sure that I got home ok and I responded back by saying that I made it home safely and I thanked her. Her and I became snap chat friends and I have noticed that she has been viewing the majority of my post since the date. It got me thinking that maybe she was into me more then I thought, I mean she was playing with her hair and giving me strong eye contact while we were out.. that seems like a good sign. Should I reach out to her and go for a second date, or just chalk this one up? I haven't heard from her since last Friday.

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After my first date with my girlfriend I wasn't sure how she felt. But then she viewed an Instagram story I posted about my friend's puppy, which led me to think she was really into me. So I asked her out again a week later. It's been 7 months now. Whenever I'm unsure about things, which typically occurs when I haven't posted something on Instagram, I post something to see if she views it. Typically a puppy. I know things are really serious now because when I post puppies she not only views them, but sometimes uses the function where you can make the little heart eyes emoji dance across the screen.

 

Wait a second—none of that is actually true.

 

What do you want, friend? Do you want to see her again, or not? If the answer is yes, you ask her out instead of slyly waiting for her to ask you out or give you some sure sign that she wants to see you again. She'll say yes or no, then you know. Trying to use Snapchat as a thermometer for a vibe is both ridiculous and not a cute look for a grown man. Makes you appear both adolescent and petrified of rejection. Skip the hedging and take some initiative.

 

It's really not complicated.

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Yes - if you want to see her again, ask her out. If you don’t want to see her again, don’t ask her out.

 

Maybe she will say yes. Maybe she will say no. But either way, it doesn’t sound like you have your hopes up too high (which is good), so a “no” shouldn’t hurt too bad anyways.

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I am so curious what your rationale is for not contacting her?

 

Have you been conditioned to expect that women will pursue you?

 

Is that what you prefer? For the woman to pursue you?

 

Not judging if that’s your thing, but please know most women prefer the man to take the initiative especially in these very VERY early stages.

 

And if he does not, they will either view him as too passive, or simply not interested.

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That's what I thought Sixer, in your experience the woman will reach out to you first (i.e. pursue you) if interested.

 

That's fine, just know not all women view it that way, many will view it just the opposite.

 

That if a man is interested he will reach out the next day and pursue her, even when confused about her interest.

 

That's been my experience.

 

It's been said and I agree the only way for a man to know whether or not a woman is interested, is to ask her out.

 

If she says yes, and keeps the date, she's interested.

 

If she says no, offers no alternative, or flakes, she's not.

 

Easy peasy! :D

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My rationale is that I felt she wasn’t into it,so I figured I’d just leave it alone.......... in my dating experience, if the girl is into me they would reach out to me a day or two later. If they weren’t into me they wouldn’t reach out..

 

I'm curious what this looks like for you. You go out on Friday and, after, she reaches out to make sure you get home. One of you either then—or earlier—connects with the other on Snap. Now you sit around watching her watch your stories, assuming that, if she's interested, she'll reach out again?

 

Hey, if that works for you, all good. Me? If a woman I had any interest in seeing again asked me if I got home alright, I'd say something like: "Sure did—thanks for asking. Tonight was fun—let's do it again soon."

 

Then you know, or at least roll the ball toward knowing, instead of trying to read the tea leaves of social media.

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I'm curious what this looks like for you. You go out on Friday and, after, she reaches out to make sure you get home. One of you either then—or earlier—connects with the other on Snap. Now you sit around watching her watch your stories, assuming that, if she's interested, she'll reach out again?

 

Hey, if that works for you, all good. Me? If a woman I had any interest in seeing again asked me if I got home alright, I'd say something like: "Sure did—thanks for asking. Tonight was fun—let's do it again soon."

 

Then you know, or at least roll the ball toward knowing, instead of trying to read the tea leaves of social media.

She didn't ask me if I got home ok. She said... "Hope you got home ok"... I responded..."I made it home safely, thank you".....
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She didn't ask me if I got home ok. She said... "Hope you got home ok"... I responded..."I made it home safely, thank you".....

 

Ahhhhhh, that explains it. Big difference.

 

Yeah, what I'd do is hang back, post all sorts of stuff on Snap, see if she keeps watching. If she slides into your DMs and talks about how she can't get you out of her mind then see what she's up to.

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And no...... In general... if I have a date with a girl and things go well and she likes me...... she will reach out to me a day or two later via text message.... in my experience that's how its been....... on the other hand.. if I go out on a date with a girl and the date didn't go well... I will never hear from the girl again.. I haven't met a women ( so far) where the date went well, and I reached out to her a couple days later and we went out again... its either been one or the other.

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My rationale is that I felt she wasn’t into it,so I figured I’d just leave it alone.......... in my dating experience, if the girl is into me they would reach out to me a day or two later. If they weren’t into me they wouldn’t reach out..

 

Bolded - I am not understanding your rationale Sixers, and frankly it sounds like you are you just assuming they weren't interested because they didn't reach out first.

 

But how could you possibly know that? I mean, since you never reached out and asked them out again?

 

It's quite possible they were very interested, but assumed you weren't since you didn't reach out and ask them out again.

 

That is what I and most women I know would have assumed.

 

Do you fear rejection that much that you can't even ask a girl you like out again, because she didn't contact you the next day?

 

Anyway, I think you're probably right, she's not interested, you may be too passive for her.

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So it seems like you're main criteria for dating, the thing that gets you amped about women, is whether or not they "into" you. How you feel about them—well, that's completely predicated on them being into you.

 

If they are, and they show that by reaching out—cool, you'll see what's what. If they don't reach out—whatevs.

 

Something like that?

 

I come at it all from the completely opposite angle, for whatever it's worth. I don't much care if someone is "into" me or not after one date. They hardly know me. If there's something there I'm curious about—well, I make a plan to hang again to see if we can be "into" each other. But I'm pretty "into" myself in a vacuum, so whether a woman I hardly know feels the same—or not—isn't super pressing to me.

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So it seems like you're main criteria for dating, the thing that gets you amped about women, is whether or not they "into" you. How you feel about them—well, that's completely predicated on them being into you.

 

If they are, and they show that by reaching out—cool, you'll see what's what. If they don't reach out—whatevs.

 

Something like that?

 

I come at it all from the completely opposite angle, for whatever it's worth. I don't much care if someone is "into" me or not after one date. They hardly know me. If there's something there I'm curious about—well, I make a plan to hang again to see if we can be "into" each other. But I'm pretty "into" myself in a vacuum, so whether a woman I hardly know feels the same—or not—isn't super pressing to me.

overall I judge how the date when based off if the girl contacts me after the date... that may not be the best way, but that's how its worked out for me so far... I like the way you go about it as well. I don't judge my level of attraction based off a womans attraction towards me.....
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I come at it all from the completely opposite angle, for whatever it's worth. I don't much care if someone is "into" me or not after one date. They hardly know me. If there's something there I'm curious about—well, I make a plan to hang again to see if we can be "into" each other.

 

Love this!!

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I hear you. But, hey, let's not forget that this woman did contact you after the date. Sure, maybe she was just being nice after a bland outing. Or maybe not. But she has already done the thing you say you wait for.

 

The other thing I pay literally zero attention to is social media. I've had women from apps find me, follow me, watch my stuff, etc. before even meeting me. Heck, I think some of those women—women I have never met, or had a tepid 40 minute glass of wine with—still look at my stuff. I've got a healthy ego, but I certainly don't think that has anything to do with anything about me. That's just #boredom and #culture in #2019.

 

Putting stock in that is like trying quench thirst in a desert by drinking from the lagoon in the mirage. It's just sand and dust.

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I think by choosing the more passive role, you're limiting your options in a huge way.

 

This girl for example, you like her but because she didn't reach out first, you are assumimg she's not into you.

 

When she could very well be into you (or as into you as she can be after only one date), but prefers the man (you) take the initiative at least in early stages.

 

That is how she gauges his (your) interest level.

 

So you're sitting here thinking she's not interested, and she's sitting there thinking you're not interested! Lol

 

Such a game, good luck with that, truly.

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I think by choosing the more passive role, you're limiting your options in a huge way.

 

Agreed.

 

So back in April things imploded with your ex-girlfriend. She'd always been the one to call, text, make plans. She really had enough of that, and got all sorts of dramatic. A few minutes after that hailstorm you'd found someone to hang out with and hook up with who was always the one to call, text, make plans. I'm assuming that fizzled in one way or another.

 

Thirty is on the horizon. Maybe, just maybe, the universe is trying to poke you in the ribs a bit and challenge you to expand your arsenal a bit. The hang and wait approach is fine for attracting pure thirst, and pure thirst can be fun for a few hangs, but it sounds like you don't need me to tell you the shortcomings of all that.

 

You've lived them. Learning from them is the next step.

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My rationale is that I felt she wasn’t into it,so I figured I’d just leave it alone.......... in my dating experience, if the girl is into me they would reach out to me a day or two later. If they weren’t into me they wouldn’t reach out..

 

Well, since you are not in a relationship, you might need to rethink your rationale... That is what most women think. I understand being modern and contemporary dating, but most women still want the man to make an effort. And you are not. Good for her for not sending you a bunch of messages. She probably thought you were not interested and moved on. I would.

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Agreed.

 

So back in April things imploded with your ex-girlfriend. She'd always been the one to call, text, make plans. She really had enough of that, and got all sorts of dramatic. A few minutes after that hailstorm you'd found someone to hang out with and hook up with who was always the one to call, text, make plans. I'm assuming that fizzled in one way or another.

 

Thirty is on the horizon. Maybe, just maybe, the universe is trying to poke you in the ribs a bit and challenge you to expand your arsenal a bit. The hang and wait approach is fine for attracting pure thirst, and pure thirst can be fun for a few hangs, but it sounds like you don't need me to tell you the shortcomings of all that.

 

You've lived them. Learning from them is the next step.

and you want to know what happened with that girl you read about in my previous post?.... I ended up reaching out to her after a week, and guest what? she wasn't interested.... I was right, and I looked like the fool... if a girl his hot and heavy for a guy from the start, then stops reaching out to him... 9 times out of 10 she lost attraction for w.e reason.
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