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Thread: What a bugger.

  1. #1
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    What a bugger.

    I just need to vent a little.

    This man and I have been out a few times over the past few months and we have gotten along very well. We speak often and seem to really like each other. Yes, it is clear that we are more than friends; we both know that this is a romantic thing.We are not super serious at this point, but I was beginning to think that might be a possibility in the future. No...I have not said anything to him about that and we have not discussed exclusivity as we are both adults and are both realistic.

    Last night I got a text from him. It was a picture of a seedy restaurant with the phrase "seems like a great place for a first date." Huh? Was he telling me he was taking someone else on a first date?

    I sent him a text that simply said "first date?" He replied with "well, not a date...just hanging out."

    I get that we are not each other's "one and only," but why would a man send that?

  2. #2
    Member Reg's Avatar
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    We could spend all day trying to guess whether he accidentally sent it to you, what it means, etc. You'd be much better off just asking him straight.

    This is the perfect opportunity to have a conversation with him as to whether this relationship is actually going anywhere. If it's clear that you are more than friends and have already been out with him several times then it shouldn't be a problem to raise this conversation.

    Not much point wasting your time going on more dates with this guy if he's not looking to progress things.

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Maybe he was just trying to be funny. You've been out only a few times. I think it's way too early to start marking your territory. Give it some time.

  4. #4
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    It could mean anything.

    If, from his perception, you’ve been getting to know each other and haven’t been on an official “date”, it could have been his way to ask you out.

    He could be trying to make you jealous or let you know he’s dating others.

    He could have sent it to the wrong person.

    It really could be anything.

    It’s interesting that you said you haven’t talked about exclusivity because you are both “adults”... but to me - clearly communicating your thoughts and feelings and intentions is very “adult”. Communication is the cornerstone of relationships. Playing games and guessing, etc. is what I would characterize as not “adult”. Different perspectives, I guess.

    I think you should just ask him if he’s dating others - but know what you want and be prepared for any answer. You can take the conversation from there - but at least you’ll both know what each other is thinking.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need to ask him. I thought may he thinks he's funny.

  7. #6
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    I think that's a pretty crummy thing to do to someone you're dating.

    No, you're not exclusive and no, you're not BF/GF. But you're dating, and he's waving another date in your face.

    Why? To make you jealous, make you question yourself, make you think so much about it you post about it here? Whatever his reason, I'd be done with him and his foolishness.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by RedDress
    It could mean anything.

    If, from his perception, you’ve been getting to know each other and haven’t been on an official “date”, it could have been his way to ask you out.

    He could be trying to make you jealous or let you know he’s dating others.

    He could have sent it to the wrong person.

    It really could be anything.

    It’s interesting that you said you haven’t talked about exclusivity because you are both “adults”... but to me - clearly communicating your thoughts and feelings and intentions is very “adult”. Communication is the cornerstone of relationships. Playing games and guessing, etc. is what I would characterize as not “adult”. Different perspectives, I guess.

    I think you should just ask him if he’s dating others - but know what you want and be prepared for any answer. You can take the conversation from there - but at least you’ll both know what each other is thinking.
    We definitely have been on official dates. Several times. And what I meant by saying that we are both adults is that we are both very capable of having that communication when and if the time comes. Clearly, we are not there yet.

  9. #8
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    I would ask him -sounds like he meant it as a joke.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by loyal

    We definitely have been on official dates. Several times.
    Before I read this^, I was going to say that perhaps it was his way of saying he wanted to take you there, on your first official date. That's how I initially read it.

    But since you have been out on official dates, that's obviously not it and my thought now is that the text was meant for another woman, he sent to you by mistake.

    Or it was some sort of a shyt test to gauge your reaction, provoke jealousy.

    That's one of the problems with multi-dating, if one is going to do it, please peeps, keep everyone straight and don't be "accidentally" sending texts to the wrong woman! Or man if roles were flipped.

    I had that happen to me too, I called the guy out and he actually admitted he sent it to me intentionally to gauge my reaction as he was uncertain about my interest at the time.

    I dumped him after that (I wasn't all that interested anyway).

    About this guy, can't say for sure, but I cannot think of any other reason he would send it other than it was an accident or to gauge your reaction, not even as a joke! I mean what's funny about it?

    Oh I forgot to mention, when the guy I was dating sent me that text meant for another women, I texted back and said "was this meant for me"? With a bunch of confused looking emojis.

    It's happened to my friends too, I think it must be written in some players manual or something, a test of sorts to gauge a woman's interest.

    It happens a lot!

  11. #10
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by loyal
    We definitely have been on official dates. Several times. And what I meant by saying that we are both adults is that we are both very capable of having that communication when and if the time comes. Clearly, we are not there yet.
    I'm not sure what you're looking for as in advice, if you're not ready to ask him what he meant. No offense, but he's the only one who can answer this question.

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