What a bugger.

I just need to vent a little.

This man and I have been out a few times over the past few months and we have gotten along very well. We speak often and seem to really like each other. Yes, it is clear that we are more than friends; we both know that this is a romantic thing.We are not super serious at this point, but I was beginning to think that might be a possibility in the future. No...I have not said anything to him about that and we have not discussed exclusivity as we are both adults and are both realistic.

Last night I got a text from him. It was a picture of a seedy restaurant with the phrase "seems like a great place for a first date." Huh? Was he telling me he was taking someone else on a first date?

I sent him a text that simply said "first date?" He replied with "well, not a date...just hanging out."

I get that we are not each other's "one and only," but why would a man send that?

We could spend all day trying to guess whether he accidentally sent it to you, what it means, etc. You'd be much better off just asking him straight.

This is the perfect opportunity to have a conversation with him as to whether this relationship is actually going anywhere. If it's clear that you are more than friends and have already been out with him several times then it shouldn't be a problem to raise this conversation.

Not much point wasting your time going on more dates with this guy if he's not looking to progress things.

Maybe he was just trying to be funny. You've been out only a few times. I think it's way too early to start marking your territory. Give it some time.

It could mean anything.

If, from his perception, you’ve been getting to know each other and haven’t been on an official “date”, it could have been his way to ask you out.

He could be trying to make you jealous or let you know he’s dating others.

He could have sent it to the wrong person.

It really could be anything.

It’s interesting that you said you haven’t talked about exclusivity because you are both “adults”... but to me - clearly communicating your thoughts and feelings and intentions is very “adult”. Communication is the cornerstone of relationships. Playing games and guessing, etc. is what I would characterize as not “adult”. Different perspectives, I guess.

I think you should just ask him if he’s dating others - but know what you want and be prepared for any answer. You can take the conversation from there - but at least you’ll both know what each other is thinking.

You need to ask him. I thought may he thinks he's funny.

I think that's a pretty crummy thing to do to someone you're dating.

No, you're not exclusive and no, you're not BF/GF. But you're dating, and he's waving another date in your face.

Why? To make you jealous, make you question yourself, make you think so much about it you post about it here? Whatever his reason, I'd be done with him and his foolishness.

It could mean anything.

 

If, from his perception, you’ve been getting to know each other and haven’t been on an official “date”, it could have been his way to ask you out.

 

He could be trying to make you jealous or let you know he’s dating others.

 

He could have sent it to the wrong person.

 

It really could be anything.

 

It’s interesting that you said you haven’t talked about exclusivity because you are both “adults”... but to me - clearly communicating your thoughts and feelings and intentions is very “adult”. Communication is the cornerstone of relationships. Playing games and guessing, etc. is what I would characterize as not “adult”. Different perspectives, I guess.

 

I think you should just ask him if he’s dating others - but know what you want and be prepared for any answer. You can take the conversation from there - but at least you’ll both know what each other is thinking.

We definitely have been on official dates. Several times. And what I meant by saying that we are both adults is that we are both very capable of having that communication when and if the time comes. Clearly, we are not there yet.

I would ask him -sounds like he meant it as a joke.

 

We definitely have been on official dates. Several times.

Before I read this^, I was going to say that perhaps it was his way of saying he wanted to take you there, on your first official date. That's how I initially read it.

But since you have been out on official dates, that's obviously not it and my thought now is that the text was meant for another woman, he sent to you by mistake.

Or it was some sort of a shyt test to gauge your reaction, provoke jealousy.

That's one of the problems with multi-dating, if one is going to do it, please peeps, keep everyone straight and don't be "accidentally" sending texts to the wrong woman! Or man if roles were flipped.

I had that happen to me too, I called the guy out and he actually admitted he sent it to me intentionally to gauge my reaction as he was uncertain about my interest at the time.

I dumped him after that (I wasn't all that interested anyway).

About this guy, can't say for sure, but I cannot think of any other reason he would send it other than it was an accident or to gauge your reaction, not even as a joke! I mean what's funny about it?

Oh I forgot to mention, when the guy I was dating sent me that text meant for another women, I texted back and said "was this meant for me"? With a bunch of confused looking emojis.

It's happened to my friends too, I think it must be written in some players manual or something, a test of sorts to gauge a woman's interest.

It happens a lot!

We definitely have been on official dates. Several times. And what I meant by saying that we are both adults is that we are both very capable of having that communication when and if the time comes. Clearly, we are not there yet.

I'm not sure what you're looking for as in advice, if you're not ready to ask him what he meant. No offense, but he's the only one who can answer this question.

Well he did go out with somebody. And said he had a pretty good time.

Well he did go out with somebody. And said he had a pretty good time.

Well, just my personal opinion but I think when one is multi-dating, like this guy, it's in very poor taste that he/she actually announce that they have another date, or as in your case, send ambiguous texts forcing you to wonder about it, and ask.

Absolutely nothing wrong with mult-dating if that's your thing, but there is no good reason for him to be telling you about his other dates or sending confusing texts, that is just so low imo. A dealbreaker actually. Such a game and a very poor one at that.

How did you respond when he told you?

As I said, this his way of unnerving you, to test you, to be that wonderful a-hole you've been waiting all your life for.

I saw a meme today: A girl is handed a dozen roses by a guy, except the roses are little red flags instead of roses. She says, "A dozen red flags. I love them!"

This guy didn't send you this text by mistake, because he admitted that he was out with someone else. If he had, he'd have said he was sorry, or admitted embarrassed. Nope, he did it just to be a jerk.

Again, no, you're not exclusive, but he also doesn't have to be an a-hole.

Again, no, you're not exclusive, but he also doesn't have to be an a-hole.

Totally.

The only thing I'll ask, in terms of not immediately writing him off as an a-hole, if whether you two, in your grey zone spelunking, have kind of made talking about dating, the wilds of dating, and so on, a "thing." As in: have you ever, even subtly, referenced that you're seeing other people, open to that, whatever?

Wouldn't negate his klutziness, but would at least make more along the lines of a dunce move than an a-hole move.

Regardless, you two are, as you said, adults. A little moment like this is always a good time to check in with whether this is what you want adulthood to look like.

Not my idea of funny. Sorry. Poor taste as previously mentioned. Now that you've established he's seeing other people, how do you feel about that? Are you emotionally available yourself or are you biding your time while working a few things out?

Totally.

 

The only thing I'll ask, in terms of not immediately writing him off as an a-hole, if whether you two, in your grey zone spelunking, have kind of made talking about dating, the wilds of dating, and so on, a "thing." As in: have you ever, even subtly, referenced that you're seeing other people, open to that, whatever?

 

Wouldn't negate his klutziness, but would at least make more along the lines of a dunce move than an a-hole move.

 

Regardless, you two are, as you said, adults. A little moment like this is always a good time to check in with whether this is what you want adulthood to look like.

We've not talked about dating other people. I think we both just kind of know that things are still in a casual phase.

Well, just my personal opinion but I think when one is multi-dating, like this guy, it's in very poor taste that he/she actually announce that they have another date, or as in your case, send ambiguous texts forcing you to wonder about it, and ask.

 

Absolutely nothing wrong with mult-dating if that's your thing, but there is no good reason for him to be telling you about his other dates or sending confusing texts, that is just so low imo. A dealbreaker actually. Such a game and a very poor one at that.

 

How did you respond when he told you?

I said "well, that's not my favorite message to get"

Was he at the place when he sent it?

It was a picture of a seedy restaurant with the phrase "seems like a great place for a first date." I sent him a text that simply said "first date?" He replied with "well, not a date...just hanging out."

Was he at the place when he sent it?

Yes he was.

Yes he was.

So he's on another date (a first date) with another woman and texts you from the restaurant telling you great place for a first date?

Ok that's just cruel.

Not sure what mind f*** game he's playing, but I would want no part of that even if we were just casually dating.

Done. Next.

Well, I'd take that message to mean: "Know how we're still in the casual phase? It's the only phase I'm capable of, and even in this phase I don't know how to be a gentleman. You still down?"

Well, I'd take that message to mean: "Know how we're still in the casual phase? It's the only phase I'm capable of, and even in this phase I don't know how to be a gentleman. You still down?"

Wow. I think you nailed it.

Yup, just echoing blue, I'd take it to mean "hey I keep a rotating stable of casual hook ups, will you be a part of my stable?" Personally for me, that would be a big fat no thanks.

This is coming from someone who believes in dating and not jumping into instant exclusivity from day one. There is a difference between just started dating, getting to know each other and you might still be exploring other options and this douchey move he just pulled on you. That's a shyte test of what you will tolerate and put up with, aka how low is your self esteem.

I think you're just on the back burner if he can't find better but that he's also dating in the background and the message and pic were accidentally sent to you.

That's my first impression.

But you shouldn't be too shocked if he's not made any commitment to you and seems so so and not really into you.

Ick. Tasteless and tacky. Ridiculous kiss and tell. I wouldn’t say another word to him or give him the satisfaction of telling him off. Simply respond with “no thanks” if he ever asks you out again. Totally understandable if you just block him. Of course dating around is fine and sharing it this way with one of the people you’re dating is jerky. You deserve better !