Jump to content

Preference or stereotypical? (Can be controversial topic)


phillyphill

Recommended Posts

I dated this girl, and I had been wondering if i have been overthinking it. Ill save you the long story for another thread, but I just want to get other people's thoughts on it. She said she only dates men that are black. When I asked her why out of curiosity she says that all white men are "douchey". This got me thinking, because when I was going out with her over the short amount of time I noticed that all her male friends were white and her Exes were of darker skin color which i thought that was kind of a red flag. She would try and argue with me about racism(not gonna be going into detail) being pretty ignorant about it stating that I was wrong, and I didn't know what I was talking about. When I asked her what do you like about me, she gave some vague reasons which is when I actually started to like her more, but then she said It's because I am black. When she was at the bars drunk and intoxicated however she would hit on white men which got me real confused.

 

She got mad at me, because I had friends that were girls that were on my social media and accused me of talking to someone else. When i called her out for having guy friends on her social media she said it was ok, because they were white meaning they're automatically friendzoned. When she was comparing me to her one Ex, she said I was a nicer "black guy" and that this ex treated her like dirt and compared to me I was nice.

 

Again ill save you the long story for another thread, but we broke up at a bar with her on drugs and drunk screaming at me because I apparently called her crazy, kind of like a he said she said scenario(cant really remember, but I just took the blame for it).

 

What do you all think is there a difference between preference or stereotyping? Was my situation a little extreme? or was it just her preference? Personally I think no matter what your background a person should love you for who you are not just because of your skin tone. Maybe she was driven by preference, but something tells me she didn't really like me for who I was but I could be overthinking it :(

 

Sorry for the controversial topic

Link to comment

Preference is preference, we like what we like, stereotyping though is where things start to get a bit more sketchy.

 

You seem to have a chip on your shoulder though. Also you, yourself are dating outside your race which would be the pot calling the kettle black.

 

Face your own feelings about race, then go back out into the dating world, dating isn’t therapy and it’s not a mirror of who we are, it’s simplu dating, don’t give other people your burdens, it’s not fair to them or you.

Link to comment

She doesn't like classless men but she doesn't seem to be an exemplary specimen herself. I wouldn't take it so personally. Just start hanging around better people. The opinions or attitudes of people you can't help but not trust shouldn't weigh much in the larger scheme of things. If she's not targeting you for your race or pursuing any acts of harassment or violence to your person in particular or your loved ones, just be smart about things and avoid such individuals.

Link to comment

It depends why the preference -if it's for a racist reason well then it's racist, right? If it's because of a generalization -about height, for example, then that person knows he/she is limiting the dating pool and there's nothing wrong with that -the only consequence is less of a dating pool. It's not hurting anyone unless the person acts in a rude way about expressing her preferences. I don't think whether people accept others no matter what their skin tone has anything to do with dating preferences -you can accept someone, feel love for that person, and choose not to date that person (especially if the person is looking for a long term commitment -then that person might have his or her reasons to prefer to marry within his own race or background or culture or religion, etc).

 

For example, I have friends who are bisexual. I do not stereotype about people who are gay, I have gay friends, etc. I would not have dated a person who was bisexual because despite being supportive of the gay community, I would not have wanted to be involved with someone who was not heterosexual like me. To me my support and my preference are perfectly consistent.

Link to comment

There seems to be a lot going on here, with the different compartments spilling into each other and causing some confusion.

 

The big thing going on? Sounds like you got into a pretty awful relationship with, putting it generously, a less-than-quality human, with the race stuff hardly factoring into that, or at least no more than the bar stuff, the drug stuff, the social media stuff, the train-barely-attached-to-the-rails stuff. So much low quality across the spectrum that I don't think there's even a need to toss "racism" into it. It's a bit like trying to understand a fire by throwing a grenade into it.

 

So you're spun around a bit, as happens. Black, white, blue, green, sequined: we all spin the same in these matters.

 

As for the question of preference vs. stereotyping? Yeah, there's a difference. Stereotyping is saying all white men are "douchey," but preferring to date white men (over black, Asian, whatever) is just a preference. People are into what they're into. Some are very into one thing, some are very into the buffet. A white woman might be particularly attracted to black men, no different than I (white man) tend to be attracted to tall, thin, dark-complected women. I've dated outside that subset, enjoyably, but that seems to be my "preference"—the person who catches my eye in a bar, while flipping through a magazine, watching TV. On that note, I happen to prefer people who read more than they watch TV, but I've got nothing against television. Preferences, in short.

 

The issues of race, of course, is more loaded. As figureitout said, it sounds like one you're reckoning with on your own—which may be something of a forever thing, but one that's a bit volatile at the moment and found a really volatile laboratory (i.e. her) in which to do some reckoning. And probably best, in general, to not use dating and women as way of exploring that stuff.

Link to comment

This has nothing to do with race. It has to do with dating an ignorant sleazy woman. Stop hanging out with her and find women who are not this bizarre.

-all white men are "douchey".

-I asked her what do you like about me, she said It's because I am black.

-she was at the bars drunk and intoxicated, she would hit on white men which got me real confused.

Link to comment

Be glad you dodged that bullet!

 

She might simply be attracted to black men, but not white men. That is a preference. It seems odd to me, but that's her choice. But if she were attracted to black men for a common belief about the race (like her saying all white men are douchey), that is stereotypical.

 

Either way, be thankful you didn't waste too much time on that one!

Link to comment
When I asked her why out of curiosity she says that all white men are "douchey".

 

 

- That's your answer, right there. She has had poor relationship experience with white men/man. She has emotional baggage from a relationship with a white man. White men are a trigger for her.

 

It's okay! Don't worry about it, as long as you don't turn white, you are in the clear! Just make sure she's mostly sane in other areas.

 

Some people are gay for the same reason. I knew a woman who was gay because her father abused her.

 

There are plenty of people who avoid certain types of people because of triggers - color, race, hairstyle, you name it.

Link to comment

I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone who said the things she did to you. This is ignoring the other behaviors , which are more than enough reason to pass on this particular person.

I guess though I've never been comfortable with people who make a point of declaring a racial preference in dating so strongly that they would say things like this woman did. Many years ago, coming out of high school, I had a friend who made it known she would only date black guys. I can't pinpoint exactly what bothered me about this, something about it felt off though, and it's a similar feeling I get to this day when I come across people with one particular race they are open to dating and no one else is even given a thought. Like you said, it makes you wonder do you even like the person or is there some fetish going on about a particular group of people? I think it doesn't help that my friend too had other big old judgement gaps, so I may have associated the two together.

For example, at one point she dated this really nice guy, but quickly got rid of him and continued with the parade of jerks she seemed to gravitate to. She had other issues, to say.

 

Always just go with what's comfortable to you. If you didn't like the fixation she had, avoid women like that in the future. It's worked for me. Others don't have to agree, same as I don't have to agree with how they go about their dating choices. If a man told me he purposefully only goes out with my race, I'd be pretty damn turned off.

Link to comment
People are free to date who they want. It's a preference and it's none of your concern.

 

It's of his concern if he's getting the vibe that she only likes him for his skin color instead of what's underneath. Especially when she seems to be telling him one thing and then contradicting herself.

 

She's free to like what she likes, but he's also free to feel any bad vibes he's getting from her.

Link to comment

 

What do you all think is there a difference between preference or stereotyping?

 

Wanting to date black men is a preference.

 

Saying all white men are douchebags isn't a stereotype. It's her personal baggage.

 

A screaming drunk woman on drugs doesn't sound very appealing to me.

 

Racism isn't involved here. Racism is a systemic problem of one race subjugating another race. You may feel put off by her preference, but caucasians will survive. Don't play the victim card.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...