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Thread: How did you move on and found love again?

  1. #11
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I've dated a few men who were duds. Each relationship didn't last very long because I knew from the beginning due to their very bad incurable character flaws that we would be incompatible. I'd say I was the dumpee but many times it was mutual because our personalities were different. They weren't what I was looking for. My checklist was stringent. I could afford to be very picky and choosy. I wasn't in any hurry nor rush whatsoever. It didn't take me long to move on. I was ready to shop around as they say. It took me about a year or two to find someone new.

    I snatched up my husband right away. I didn't waste any time. He was a catch! We have 2 wonderful sons, a house in the 'burbs and unfortunately, my dog passed away several months ago.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Most recently I was in my mid 40s and we were together for 15 years. He was the one that ended it but in hindsight I knew it definitely needed to end.

    He ended it because he didnít want to work on our relationship and thought he would be happier in a new one instead.

    I was heart broken and shattered and it took me 2 years to even get up the courage and strength to file for divorce. I did date lots during that time but wasnít ready to be in anything serious.

    It really took me 3 years to put it behind me and be ready for someone new. I met someone just before the 3 year mark and we started dating... have been happy and in love ever since.

    Prior to that I had been in a couple of other long term relationships... one with my daughters father that ended because he didnít want to get or stay clean and I did... and one with a guy that I fought constantly with and my daughter couldnít stand. In between those I didnít wait to date or find something new so this time as a single human was about grieving those too and finding myself.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    This seems, to me, sublime.
    I wouldn't change my marriage or how happy we are but I've known supreme happiness not living in the realm of being in love or with anyone else. This was a happiness in stark and vibrant colours, experiences, adventures, tests of faith and endurance and new learning like I'd never known. It's where I heard voices in others and found my own voice and started to see dark and light, good and bad, and all those funny and dark layers between irony, humour, right and wrong. Relationships pale in comparison to that kind of place so it's ultimately ironic that I am happily married.

    I like the potential of the thread moving perhaps dynamically and reminiscent of times future and past, and the understanding that perhaps being in a relationship is not the be all or end all of life at all.
    Love this!

  4. #14
    Member Flipp's Avatar
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    How old were you when you broke up?

    The last breakup, and reason for being on this page - 32yrs old.

    How long did your relationship last?

    6 1/2 yrs

    Were you the dumper or dumpee?

    Dumpee... And I fought the breakup with everything I had...

    Why did you breakup?

    He went ďcoldĒ and told me he didnít know if he loved me like that anymore. Or if he ever had...

    How long did it take to move on?

    Well, itís soon to be one year since the breakup. And in truth I havenít moved completely on I think. But I have moved on from the desperate longing and the sadness. Iíve become stronger and acknowledged how things are, and Iím at peace with that. I miss his family and home farm, and thatís whatís hard to let go really...

    My situation got more complicated as my ex actually do want me back now. But heís gotten himself involved with a girl with a few problems of her own and canít seem to untangle himself from all that, so it doesnít really matter at this point.

    The fact that Iím able to keep my cool and know what I want and need and put that first kinda says a lot about the process of healing! I NEVER thought Iíd get here, and up until January this year I was 100% convinced that the only thing Iíd ever want was getting him back!

    How long did it take to find someone new?

    I tried the internet dating after about 4 months. I met a few alright guys, but never felt a real connection. It was nice to spend time with someone, but the thought of even hugging them made me think ďheís not xĒ... Then I met newguy. In February, so about 6 months post breakup. I donít know if it was the timing or just him and me having an amazing connection, but it just fit.

    I donít know if I can say that heís better than my ex, but after meeting him, I realize that some of the things that I just went along with not having with my ex, is actually things that are important to me. Things that makes my life better, and makes me feel better about myself, gives me more confidence. So I guess Iíve learned that about myself.

    I do still think that relationships are just different, and have different pros and cons.. Iíd probably be happy with choosing my ex if we were able to communicate in a better way. I know heís grown and changed a lot. But I will be as happy with newguy probably, only in a different way. Itís frustrating and nice at the same time. And no matter what I do or how I feel, I cannot KNOW how things will end up. That thought is the one Iím struggling the most with.. itís scary, but itís like that for everyone!

    So my thought is - it IS true, there will come a day youíll fell better. And the path there is just yours. I never felt any help by thinking I was a ďstrong and independent personĒ or the ďyou need to be enough in yourself firstĒ... Because I DO want a significant other, a family, and until I get there I will feel a bit ďon the way somewhereĒ.. But it doesnít mean I canít enjoy the trip. So I just filled my time with hobbies and animals and became the master of redirecting thoughts. And talked with my super friends and family.
    Last edited by Flipp; 07-18-2019 at 05:27 AM. Reason: Adding

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  6. #15
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    How old were you when you broke up?
    22.

    How long did your relationship last?
    Almost 3 years.

    Were you the dumper or dumpee?
    Dumpee.

    Why did you breakup?
    I became confused with where my life was going at the time. I became depressed, stressed, and because of that I stopped appreciating her. She understandably wanted to move on.

    How long did it take to move on?
    Oh boy, over 2 years. I loved that girl alot, I like to think of her as the 'one that got away'. It was tough, but I managed to find myself and become happy again.

    How long did it take to find someone new?
    I've yet to find someone I've loved like I did with her, but I have done some casual dating here and there nothing serious.

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