Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Anxiety about giving oral

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    22

    Anxiety about giving oral

    So I've always had anxiety when it comes to oral sex. It makes me hesitant to even receive oral because I don't want to feel bad if I chicken out with giving oral. I'm trying to overcome it the best I can but now I'm in a new relationship and feel like I have to start over again. Last guy I was with let me cover his face the first time but he sneakily uncovered his face. lol. He always have compliments or I could tell that he liked it and all but I am petrified every single time.

    It sucks because I enjoy it and it turns me on but at the same time I'm extremely nervous and terrified and I feel embarrassed even though I've never been given a legit reason to feel that way. It's literally just all in my head. I think it stems from my overall anxiety of fearing what other people think and such. Idk. :( I don't have any sexual abuse that I can attribute it too. I just clam up every time. Therefore I haven't given that much head over many years. Probably not helping the situation.

    So my current boyfriend finally suggested that I give him head next time and tried to convince me last time we were together but I chickened out and he is respectful about it but I don't want to chicken out every time. It's something I want to overcome and something o actually want to do because it does turn me on. It's just exhausting on my mind because of my anxiety.

    Anyone have any advice on how to relax more and overcome this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    33,795
    Gender
    Male
    How long have you been dating? Stop being pressured. Stop trying to win love, approval or a relationship through performing sex acts. If you're not ready it means you're not ready. Go out on dates and try being romantic rather than sexual right away.
    Originally Posted by lovetrap00
    So my current boyfriend finally suggested that I give him head next time and tried to convince me last time we were together

  3. #3
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    This body
    Age
    30
    Posts
    672
    Gender
    Male
    My advice would be to take it slow and just communicate with each other. If he's been understanding and patient with you, knowing that you don't have much practice, I'm sure you guys can work through it in baby steps until you get more and more comfortable and confident with it. He's not going to expect the world's greatest bj out of you and seriously, most dudes aren't really too hard to please when it comes to oral. Just try to enjoy it and the more you enjoy it the more he will. The biggest turn on is when you can tell the girl is really into it. Stop worrying so much about the person judging your performance. As long as you're trying you're doing enough, and then in time you'll understand how he likes it and he shouldn't be shy about requests and pointers either as long as he respects when you're not comfortable or whatever.

    But again, baby steps. The only way to conquer your fears is to face them head on, pun intended.

    But this sounds like you may have a general anxiety problem that tends to hinder areas of your life that you want to enjoy, and in that case therapy and/or meds might be in order. If you're of legal drinking age, perhaps a couple drinks could serve to calm your nerves as well when you're about to get intimate.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,522
    Google performance anxiety.

    But I also agree with Wiseman, it doesn't sound like you're ready to be doing these sexual acts if you have this much anxiety attached to it.

    Try to focus more on connecting with your partner in non sexual ways and building trust through those connections rather than sex, at least for now.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    5,522
    But again, baby steps. The only way to conquer your fears is to face them head on, pun intended.
    I also agree with this, however, I do think you could be putting the cart before the horse and going too fast with sex which is why the performance anxiety shows up.

    Give yourself time, don't let anyone make you feel pressured into it, and by pressured, let your boyfriend know that him even asking, isn't what you need right now.

    It really does need to be at a much slower pace and baby steps.

    If you rush it, it will go wrong once again.

  7. #6
    Member Reg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Illuminati Pyramids
    Posts
    22
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by LikeWater
    My advice would be to take it slow and just communicate with each other.
    Agreed.

    I think much of the pressure around the situation will be relieved if you just tell him straight that you haven't given much head before and you're worried in case it isn't good. I'm sure he'll just reassure you that it's fine and then the two of you can go at it from there.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,416
    Doesn’t sound like anyone is pressuring you. More like normal communication .
    The only pressure on you is what you are putting on yourself.

    Your last bf covered his face while you did it? So, that suggests your anxiety is not your performance but about appearance?
    He uncovered his face because he was enjoying it and didn’t want to be “blindfolded”?

    It is ok to do things you enjoy !!
    So enjoy!
    Oral sex is not taboo and people have been doing it for thousands of years. Even your grandparents lol

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,583
    I am interested to know why you made your previous boyfriend cover his face. I am also quite shocked he agreed!

    Were you uncomfortable with him looking at you, watching?

    If so, this suggests a certain self-conciousness about how you look or appear during the act versus performance anxiety imo.

    How did you feel when you realized he uncovered his face? Did you stop? Or become nervous, more self-consciousness?

    Apologies for all the questions but I think there is something deeper going on versus your just not being ready.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,333
    Agree with everyone, you state you have general anxiety in another thread so your anxiousness doesn’t just stem from this this is just another outcome due to it.

    You won’t solve this issue until you solve the whole issue, your general anxiety.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    1,666
    Gender
    Female
    I'm not sure. You seem inexperienced to me. It's not exactly the greatest profile, woman to woman, and it's not the most interesting thing to do (a bit run of the mill to be honest) but I know how engaging it must look to the opposite sex. How do you fair in other sexual activities? Do you ever take the lead? It's fine if you don't or don't feel comfortable.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •