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Thread: She broke up with me over something I did wrong. Feeling awful about it.

  1. #1
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    She broke up with me over something I did wrong. Feeling awful about it.

    Hey all,

    My ex broke up with me a few weeks back over something I did and I am beating myself up but also being told by friends and family and 3 doctors that she is using it as an excuse and is over reacting and I did nothing wrong. This is a complicated one. Sorry for the long read.

    I met her online this time last year and we were together 2 months before she ended it telling me she was gay and only wanted to be with women. When I first met her she said she was bi. We didnít talk for a few months and after that only once in a while. Then she got back in touch properly in February. We arranged to meet up but she went silent when the day came. We picked up talking again a little later on and she invited me out for the night with her friends. She flirted with me that night and told me that later on.

    We decided to hangout to see how things went and they went well. We had a talk about what happened after we split the first time. She said she had been depressed and cutting herself and that the being gay thing was a lie. She said she wanted to go off and be a hoe. We made amends and agreed to take things slow. She came to mine a few weeks later and we made out. Continued meeting up etc. She was somewhat reluctant to call me her boyfriend but eventually did. The whole time we were talking she expressed little to no interest in men. Was always talking about women and saying how attractive they are and she enjoyed eyeing up females. She also stared at a girl while she was with me. Iím not sure if she was over her ex who was a girl. She got excited after her ex saw a snapchat of me with the caption date night. Also she told me an attractive woman made her lost for words when she spoke to her.

    She made a lot of future plans with me and even mentioned marriage and adopting children as she doesnít want to give birth. She would also send me pictures on her naked body. She did this last year too when we were together. Lots of naked pics. We discussed sex and she said she wanted it rough with choking and hair pulling. We also used to chat on the phone after she finished work and I enjoyed the phonecalls but she rarely asked about me.

    I helped her move into her new place over one weekend and that went well and she was very grateful. Said she would reward me next weekend with sex. The following weekend I went round for 3 nights and left on the Monday. We had sex every night and it got more intense each night. She had me choking, scratching, biting, pulling her hair, spanking her etc and on the last night we even had anal sex. We went to have sex on the Monday but I couldnít get an erection and she got pretty aggressive with me. She hit my penis and said ďsort it out!Ē Which made it worse. She also kept telling me to be a man and just her. I just pleased her with my fingers in the end.

    Anyway I leave Monday night and everything is fine on Tuesday. Called me after work and was completely normal. She also told me she had been spanking a female co workers ass. Wednesday she is a little quieter than normal. She then messages me saying we need to have a serious talk. She said she woke up in the night and I was touching her vagina and she didnít appreciate it because she was asleep. I said sorry and what had happened was it was morning and I woke up feeling horny. I put my hand down there to try and initiate intimacy with her to get her in the mood. I did it for a little while but after I got no reaction verbally or physically I stopped.

    She said I had taken it too far and she now doesnít trust me or feel comfortable around me. She said an ex did the same and it got worse from there. I apologised again and said now I know she doesnít like it I wonít do it again. I asked for another chance and she said no. Then she asked me to leave her alone for a bit. I left her alone for 4 days and messaged saying we should talk about it. Hours later I get a message saying that I took advantage of her and she doesnít trust me or feel comfortable around me. She asked me to leave her be and then said goodbye. Deleted and blocked me on Facebook and deleted on Snapchat. I havenít been blocked on Whatsapp however. That is how we usually communicate.

    My dad got fed up with me just lying in bed and not eating so he arranged a face to face meeting with her on her lunch break at work. She works in retail in a public place. She came and sat opposite me but one. Her body language was very off with me. She told me what I had done is the absolute worst thing I could of done to her. She said she had rather I had cheated on her than this. She also said if I had done this in 10 years time
    or even if we were married she would have reacted the same. I said to her I think I deserve a second chance as I wonít do it again and that iím sorry but she said a relationship between us isnít going to happen. I told her how much I care about her and pleaded with her but still she said no. She said she could not consent to it but she must of been awake to be aware of it. Why not just move my hand away or say no?

    I asked how her friends and family are with me. She said they want to kill me and her sister wants to smack my head in. Her mum blocked me on Facebook and one of her friends has deleted me. That hurt me a lot as I have always gotten on well with her friends and family and they have always spoken highly of me. They said I am disgusting. Only one of her friends apparently said people make mistakes and that I gave her a second chance. Didnít seem to win her over though.

    I then asked where do we go from here and she said lets take time away from one another to do our own things and then reach out to one another in the future. She said she forgives me and offered me her friendship. I accepted. She said it may just be the occasional ďhow are you?Ē and we will give being friends a go. I canít remember the next bit word for word but she said something like ďI donít wanna get your hopes up but potentially in the future we could give things another go if the trust is regained.Ē Definitely something about giving it another go.

    She then stuck her hand out for me to shake at the end but I wanted a hug. She reluctantly gave me a half hearted hug and then walked off and didnít look back. I just got up and looked back sadly. Then walked off. Last time I saw her. No contact since. That was Monday 20th May. I just want to get back with her as I know I made a mistake but I would not do it again. I really miss her as we got on so well and had a real laugh together.


    Thank you to anyone who reads all of this. I know it is a lot but I wanted to get it all out because I do feel bad about what I did but I never did it with bad intent. I just wanted to be intimate.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You need to forgive yourself. What you did was not right but this relationship was doomed no matter what because it was never healthy to begin with. "Rewarding" you with sex is not how healthy relationships work to begin with. It sounds like she is into power games and you should avoid her. She also broke up with you before lying she was gay. She clearly has mental health issues and if it's to the point that she had been cutting herself she is in no condition to conduct a healthy relationship. Imo, you need to stop all contact with her because this is a toxic situation. It does sound like she used it as an excuse just like she told you she was gay in the past. It sounds like you are battling some serious issues of your own. This woman is not in a healthy headspace and cannot be trusted. You need to forgive the situation and move on.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    This girl has serious mental issues.

    It's not you...IT'S HER.

    She thinks it's fine to smack your penis and say "sort if out" but you trying to initiate intimacy in the morning is wrong? The the hell is wrong with her?

    She was abusive and yet you kept taking it and taking it. All the things you described and how she treated you was downright humiliating and degrading.
    You really shouldn't have gotten involved with her whatsoever.

    She's a lesbian and she wanted to experiment with a man, no doubt to try to get over her ex, and she used you.
    That's the bottom line.

    She now realizes that she wants to chase women again, so she has to find a way to dump you and make it your fault. So this is what she decides to do.

    Honestly, you dodged a bullet.

    Block, delete and be glad that you got her out of your life.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I know there might be a lot of different opinions on you waking her up and being sexual, but in my experience, if a couple is okay with that, then there's nothing wrong with it.

    Loads of couples wake each other up this way.

    You might have asked but then with how aggressive she's been with you, it's no wonder you didn't know what boundaries there were.

    I think anyone would have been confused.

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  6. #5
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    walk away don't look back..you will find someone who appreciates and loves you..she definatly has used you take time out ..cut all ties

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    Lucky escape for you my friend. This girl is nuts. I see nothing attractive about her. She's used and abused you.

    Everything has to be on her terms or you are the bad guy?! Not cool.

    Block her on WhatsApp and be done with all this nonsense. She needs a therapist and if all this drama is what you enjoy in all your relationships you might need one too.

    Give her all the space she needs as in forever.

  8. #7
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    She has serious issues that have nothing to do with you, OP. They existed before you, and they will exist after you.

    This relationship wouldn't have survived anyway. Waking her up by groping her wasn't cool, but I guarantee that even if you hadn't done this, you two wouldn't have had a happy ending. She wanted out regardless.

    She prefers women and she can't keep fighting her instinct about it. There is zero you can do here.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She's too confused to date. Stay away, stay no contact and delete and block her. Now you are free to date more suitable stable women. Screen to only date/pursue women who are available.
    Originally Posted by MrWobblyTickle
    we were together 2 months before she ended it telling me she was gay and only wanted to be with women. When I first met her she said she was bi.

  10. #9
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    Thank you everyone for your responses they have helped me to look at this all from a new perspective. The whole situation has really got me down as I feel like I betrayed her trust and upset her. I know my intent was innocent though and I only wanted to initiate intimacy. I do understand it wasn’t a good approach though and won’t do that again in future.

    I’m just remembering all the future plans she would make with me and now they won’t happen. I have been noticing a pattern. She mentioned marriage the first time she was with me and this time again. Also moving in together was mentioned both times. She would say about taking me out to certain places. Restaurants, mini golf, holidays etc maybe all this was said to get me invested.

    The first time we broke up it was much more pleasant but this time it was done over text and very sudden. I only got a face to face because my dad felt it was the only way to get closure. Been a week now since I spoke to her last. She made sure to make me feel as bad about this situation as possible. Even said it had affected her mental health and she is back to square one. She has been going to work though and out and about with friends and getting on with her life.

    I do still feel bad about what I did but I feel a better reaction from her would of been to sit down and talk to me about it. I would of listened to her and agreed it wouldn’t happen again. She knows she can trust me but now says she can’t.

  11. #10
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    The breakup wasnt about that incident so stop beating yourself up over it. SHe just wanted out i'm sorry to say.

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