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Thread: Girlfriend Advice!! Help is appreciated

  1. #31
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    I get that, I met this girl out not through a app (I do pretty well with girls in general)

    I may be wrong but having a friend or a group of friends I think is the main problem, allowing me too miss her. I mean I don't want a gf who goes out every weekend getting drunk but to meet her friends would be cool and good for her to let off steam and learn and grow as a person.

  2. #32
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    Im not frustrated with life, in general I am where I would like to be and going forward its the right direction for me but I would like a GF that is on my level and can have fun and not be so serious all the time.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jjt
    Im not frustrated with life, in general I am where I would like to be and going forward its the right direction for me but I would like a GF that is on my level and can have fun and not be so serious all the time.
    Well there you go. You know what you want and you know you can get what you want. Life is too short to waste on wrong people, especially those who suck the fun out of you with their constant drama.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    jjt….I tell people this all the time on here...but I know what I'm talking about. Been there. Done that. Am that. I'm talking about Borderline Personality Disorder. I know, I know...not suppose to Diagnose...but...I've delved into it for years.

    In fact...I just watched a Marilyn Monroe movie about this kid who worked for Marilyn for one show. After I watched it...I thought...I wonder if Marilyn was Borderline. So I looked it up! Yep....tons of info. Not all are 'bunny boilers'....as in fatal attraction.

    There are basically 6 qualities to have to be 'diagnosed'.

    The very MAIN one is feelings of abandonment. Don't leave me. In fact there's a book on it....'I hate you, don't leave me'.

    The second is unstable emotions. Very happy and excited one min. and the next....bottomed out. Usually over something you said...or a 'look'. I remember years ago asking people...don't you feel like you have an elevator dropping through your body...and crashing at the bottom.

    They said no. I thought that was normal.

    I read that borderlines have all the emotions normal people do....except to an extreme! So they're extremely happy, extremely sad, extremely angry....you get the picture.

    I've also read that they're really into sex! They're vivacious and exciting and bubbly when you first meet them. You think they're the perfect woman...and then....reality hits.
    The bf who I loved the most. ….called me his little 180 girl. I am going on 65 and just found out I was this 9 years ago. Menopause and BPD...made me hell on wheels. When I wasn't being an angel!

    Whenever I read about someone like this...I think...BINGO.

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  6. #35
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    I agree with the personality disorder traits and I understand both male and females can get this in different forms/ways. But if some one is funny with it or they make you laugh ect then its a positive... I have friends who probs have disorders lol but there actually hilarious to be around not over thinking everything and moaning at me about things that are out of my control.

    No one is perfect but if you can't see reason and logic in dealing with situations and see the other persons point of view with compassion, then the person is always going to find ways to make them selves unhappy thus leading to a unhappy relationship.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you're both unhappy and incompatible. The sex is good and you're attached. She would probably bolt in a heartbeat as well because she's as unhappy as you are. She views you as insensitive and you view her as boring and too serious. She is most likely considering breaking up as well. Why not pull the plug and free both of yourselves from just limping along for the sake of good sex.
    Originally Posted by jjt
    if i were to meet someone else it would be a possibility, but all my friends are in relationships atm and I am fed up with the tinder experience going back on my self

  8. #37
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    There is a big difference between friends who might have a disorder and an intimate partner who has a disorder.

    With friends, you are exposed to a very small part of them, which might well be the fun part. You don't get to deal with the down parts, the crazy parts, the paranoid parts. Your interactions with friends in a way are highly limited and selective.

    However, with an intimate partner, you get to deal with all of it - the mood swings, the instability, the inability to make proper decisions, inability to respond/react appropriately to life's challenges, etc. It's draining and difficult to manage and unless you really enjoy that sort of lopsided dynamic and all the stress and drama that comes with it, it's best to stay away from that when choosing romantic partners and especially when looking for a life partner.

  9. #38
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    It's not all that bad if im honest, its just dealing with her emotions that effects how we spend our time together if it was that bad I would just leave it. Everyone can improve on there selves including me and I would like to do so, but if she isnt willing to deal with her issues and work on them how is the relationship going to progress, you cant help the situation if the other person has no interest in helping them selves.

  10. #39
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    Yes that is true, but her not having friends its hard to see that side of her.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you can't fix or change her personality for the sake of good sex and being tired of tinder. She doesn't have to work on "her issues", you do since you're the one who wants the changes. If you can't accept her for who she is, man up and breakup. It's that simple.
    Originally Posted by jjt
    I if she isnt willing to deal with her issues and work on them how is the relationship going to progress, you cant help the situation if the other person has no interest in helping them selves.

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