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Thread: Girlfriend Advice!! Help is appreciated

  1. #11
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    Yes Rose Mosse I think she does irritate her self but I honestly try and understand her point of view and listen but I think she needs to deal with things on her own also as some things I wouldnt even bother getting worked up about.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You might also seem thoughtless to her or lacking in attention to detail (even though you're just different). Some detail-oriented people get irritated with others for missing the details or others not able to execute plans properly. Let her be her if you don't sense it's a big issue. Be more in tune with each other and I think creating better expectations (to reduce failed expectations in given situations helps). Eight months is extremely short. See whether this is still a problem in a year or a couple of years. You both will know when either of you will need to go to the bathroom (#1 or 2) soon just from the way your face looks. I think this is just the beginning phases of a relationship. Enjoy it.

  3. #13
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    When a person doesn’t have many friends or hobbies - I think this is exactly what happens. They have WAY too much time to over-analyze every little thing and find problems in everything.

    When your world is small, every little ripple is huge.

  4. #14
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    RedDres youve hit the nail on the head, things that I wouldnt care about that may happen day to day are quite extreme to her as she doesnt have a social release.

    Rose Mosse you too are correct and its all part of a relationship and I hope she can learn her ways and deal with them better.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jjt
    I think your right she is pretty moody/difficult/high maintenance when im the opposite, im very positive and people have told me I have a spring in my step!

    I think she values her self but gets easily bored and doesnt have a whole lot going on outside the relationship, im the one always making plans for us and coming up with things to do.

    She would think of something to almost be a problem when literally this specific problem wouldn't even cross my mind to get worked up about, Im pretty chilled and relaxed in most ways.
    Pretty classic dynamic, in ways.

    People who are "pretty chilled" often attract people who are not particularly chilled—yin-yang stuff that "works," but often only in short stretches. Early on you get the reward of calming her down and quelling boredom by making plans, which can make you feel special, even manly, but that can quickly turn into resentment on both sides.

    Keep in mind that there is a fine line between being chilled and being a coddler. If you're engaging in long, fatiguing conversations about how a look on your face didn't mean x, y, and z, apologizing if it seemed like x, y, and z, and then a follow-up "discussion" about how all that x, y, and z stuff was an overreaction—well, I'd say you've crossed the line from being a chill dude to being a coddling dude. A genuinely chilled dude is too chilled to engage in that stuff.

    It's tough. Until she has more going on in your life, this is probably what things will look like.

  7. #16
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    I have brought my self down to discussing such expressions of soughts :[ but I hate it honestly, I dont have time to ponder on what and why and this and that. Your right I think I am losing my self and need to stay firm on my self.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jjt
    Rose Mosse you too are correct and its all part of a relationship and I hope she can learn her ways and deal with them better.
    I hope you don't take this too badly but this isn't a good attitude to have. It'll likely raise her hackles again and wonder why you think it's a her vs. you issue. This is a combined dynamic between her and you. Looking at it as if it's something that she should learn or deal is not healthy as a couple. I'm sensing you've started to detach and distance yourself emotionally.

    If you want to sincerely make this work, you'll have to behave as one unit and learn how you contribute to the dynamic also and own that.

    It doesn't mean you should be a punching bag (greatly discourage this). But you should be aware of the hand you play in the relationship and be aware on whether or not this is a relationship you want to be a part of. This is not simply her problem.

  9. #18
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jjt
    I have brought my self down to discussing such expressions of soughts :[ but I hate it honestly, I dont have time to ponder on what and why and this and that. Your right I think I am losing my self and need to stay firm on my self.
    Do you see ending the relationship as an option right now?

  10. #19
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    It sounds bad but if i were to meet someone else it would be a possibility, but all my friends are in relationships atm and I am fed up with the tinder experience going back on my self

  11. #20
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I agree with Rose.

    It's worth taking a moment and considering how some of what you're frustrated with right now is probably connected to things that excited you earlier. Probably the same gos for her.

    In short, you've built this dynamic together, and it seems, in the process, you're now both frustrated by playing roles that aren't quite authentic to who you want to be. She plays the Overreactive Pill, you play the Patient Soother. Neither of you much enjoy that dance, but neither of you quite know how to move to another step.

    Can that all be worked on? I suppose. Could it also be incompatibility? That's probably the question I'd be asking, since eight months in is awfully early to be in "work" mode in a relationship. Kind of seems like you each trigger some questionable sides in each other—triggers that maybe felt like chemistry at one point, especially since the sex is good, but now feel like friction.

    Friction and chemistry can feel very similar, until they don't.

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