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Thread: In a weird spot...

  1. #1
    Gold Member El0t's Avatar
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    In a weird spot...

    The short of it is, after about 2 months of not having a car due to an accident my SO finally told me his license was suspended because he had unpaid tickets. He lied initially, telling me that the cop forgot to give it back and was mailing it to the house, it got lost in the mail, he ordered a new one, etc etc.

    I guess this would normally be a big deal, but something to potentially work through, except for the fact that he lied to me earlier on in our relationship. At the time, I was going to end it, but through to give him a second chance based on the circumstances; provided, of course, that he was honest with me going forward.

    In my mind I know I should probably walk away, but at the same time it feels like nothing has changed. In the past, I've always known/ felt so clearly when a relationship had run its course for any number of reasons. I can't tell if this is different because I don't think he's a bad person despite his flaws or if I'm just burnt out after a particularly taxing year of social mishaps with friends and family.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Wow. He's a chronic liar, you don't and can't trust him. It seems you're both living a lie to let this toxic situation limp along. Reconsider what you want out of your life and your relationships. Lies are like cockroaches, if you see one you can rest assured there are plenty others. Resorting to catfishing is not the answer to his lack of integrity or your trust issues.
    Originally Posted by El0t
    my partner and I have had the issue of trust come up in some capacity or another.

    One day, the thought crossed my mind, "What if I created a fake profile to talk to and 'test' my partner?"

  3. #3
    Platinum Member JaggerJim's Avatar
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    I agree with Wiseman. You already know in your mind he's a liar that's all you need to know. Don't be afraid to be on your own, sometimes the only person you can rely on is yourself.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Oh boy, that's a bad one. You need a lot of love in a relationship. Trust is one of the most important things. In fact, trust is directly tied to your love level for him. You can only love him as much as you trust him, and it sounds like that's going down hill.

    You have to talk to him about it and explain it to him. And he has to stop it for this relationship to make it.

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  6. #5
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    Your post is unclear to me.
    Who had the accident (if there was one)?

    Who didnít have a car for 2 months? You or him? Where was the car?
    Who drives it?

    2 lies doesnít equate to a chronic liar and of course depends on the nature of the lies and time spent in between with no lies.

    Can you clarify please?

  7. #6
    Gold Member El0t's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Your post is unclear to me.
    Who had the accident (if there was one)?

    Who didnít have a car for 2 months? You or him? Where was the car?
    Who drives it?

    2 lies doesnít equate to a chronic liar and of course depends on the nature of the lies and time spent in between with no lies.

    Can you clarify please?
    Thank you for your response. To clarify...

    He was in an accident and hasn't had a car for 2 months. The other driver was at fault, but his car got totaled and his license got held because of unpaid tickets. He was embarrassed a) that he had the tickets b) that he doesn't have the money to outright pay them off with everything else going on and c) that he doesn't have a car for the indefinite future. Not the worst offense, but still a lie nonetheless. Mind you, when we first started dating he also didn't have a car, but I made it very clear, both verbally and through proceeding with dating/ starting a relationship, that that wasn't a concern to me, as he had started out in a very rough spot and was working hard to improve his situation financially and take care of himself.

    I guess it feels bigger than 2 lies, because this is something that has been going on for so long with many small lies feeding it about what is actually going on on top of just the daily withholding of the truth.

    In between all of that, things had been improving, or at least it'd seemed that way. There were, as there always are, some issues, but they were usually resolved with some straightforward communication and a little bit of patience and overall the issues had been becoming less and less until this all happened.

  8. #7
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    "Good" people don't cover their tracks with lies to make life easier for themselves.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Not only is he a liar but he's also irresponsible and doesn't learn from his mistake if he has so many unpaid tickets that the cops took his licence.

    You are with a loser who needs to grow up. You've already given him one chance to do that and he didn't so if you stay with him now, you are an enabler and it would actually be selfish of you to not have him suffer the consequences of his actions.

    Question now is: What are you going to do about it... Stay and enable or leave and allow him to grow by learning that his piss poor actions have negative consequences?

  10. #9
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    Do you know for sure that he was indeed in an accident, OP?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Whenever something doesn't sound right, and it doesn't feel right, it's not right.

    Dis-illusion-ment is painful, but Pay Attention.

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