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Thread: Facing abortion or loss of relationship

  1. #1
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    Facing abortion or loss of relationship

    I'm a 43 year old woman who is just over 5 weeks pregnant.
    My partner does not want this child. I have no children.
    If I have the child then my 11 year old relationship will be over. My partner will have to remortgage and buy me out of the house. I'll be a single mother with no support system where I live. I'll have to move back to my place of birth and be around my family who have problems and affect my mental health.
    If I have a medical abortion then the problem is solved EXCEPT I want this baby and I don't know if I can live with the regret of having an abortion.
    If I have the baby, I don't know if I can live with the regret of losing my partner.
    This is the worst situation I've ever been in.
    I keep living on hope that my partner will change his mind, but he's been very clear that he does not want to be a parent. He values his freedom. He is clear he will not change his mind.
    I've even thought about having the baby, buying a place near my partner and waiting to see if he will change his mind eventually, but I don't think I could cope alone as a single parent with zero support.
    He isn't forcing me into an abortion. He says it has to be my decision.
    I just can't decide though because I want both the baby and him

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    My question to him then is if he is so adamant about not wanting children W TF didn't he get a vasectomy? Idiot.

    Anyway: You have your baby and then figure everything out after that. In the meantime, see a lawyer and get instructions on what you have to do to get child support payments in place once the baby is born.

    Did you know he was adamant about not having children? If you did, were you on birth control of some kind? Did you insist he wear condoms or did you throw caution to the wind?

    I'm am 100% pro choice but I don't think picking a man over terminating a baby should even be on your radar. Particularly if he is too selfish or stupid to get a vasectomy when he is willing to give you up because you are having his child.

    He's a dirt bag (unless of course you somehow tricked him into this pregnancy... in any event he should still get a vasectomy).

  3. #3
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    Most of your post is about your partner. Very little is about the baby.

    I presume since your partner is adamant about not having children that he has had a vasectomy and for some reason it didn't "take". Is that correct?

  4. #4
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    What a horrible situation to be in.

    Do you think he's serious when he says your relationship will be over? Why wouldn't you get to stay in the house with the baby? How are his finances?

    If you want the baby, then have the baby. Maybe it's possible that after the child is born, he'll soften up his attitude about it.

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Absolutely heís forcing you into an abortion . Heís telling you he will not have a child and thatís that thatís the same thing . I would pick my child over any man any day of the week but thatís just me .

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Anyone who tells you you have to have an abortion or face a loss of a relationship is trying to force you into the abortion . And more often than not people like this bugger off after the abortion too.

  8. #7
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    i'm not innocent in this. yes, i tricked him. i always wanted kids and he didn't and i always thought he'd change his mind. i've not been using contraception for 8 months. so i'm as much to blame here and i accept that.
    i hate myself for what has happened.
    i can't afford to buy him out of the house so he'll have to buy me out.
    he is a lovely, kind man who loves animals. he just doesn't like kids.
    he has no kids whatsoever in his life.
    when i try to show him photos of kids in my family he can't stand to look. he will drop friends who have become parents!
    i've always thought i can help him to learn to like kids. i've tried to understand where the problem comes from. he just says he dislikes children.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by iamjustme
    i'm not innocent in this. yes, i tricked him. i always wanted kids and he didn't and i always thought he'd change his mind. i've not been using contraception for 8 months. so i'm as much to blame here and i accept that.
    i hate myself for what has happened.
    i can't afford to buy him out of the house so he'll have to buy me out.
    he is a lovely, kind man who loves animals. he just doesn't like kids.
    he has no kids whatsoever in his life.
    when i try to show him photos of kids in my family he can't stand to look. he will drop friends who have become parents!
    i've always thought i can help him to learn to like kids. i've tried to understand where the problem comes from. he just says he dislikes children.
    You tricked him, so youíre on your own. Not to be harsh, but you knew this going in.

  10. #9
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    He is attempting to manipulate you which is NOT love, not even close.

    This man does not love you, not in any way shape or form.

    If me, would not care how long we've been together, the nano-second he said what he did, I would show him the door.

    And proceed to have my baby with the support of friends and family and those who truly care about me, which sadly is not him.

  11. #10
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    Well, then I can't blame him one bit. You chose to put yourself and an innocent child into this horrible situation.

    You can go after him for child support. Don't worry about making him "mad" because you already have. At least he'll be mad and helping you with child expenses instead of being mad and you having to scrounge for money to pay to raise the child.

    This relationship is over. Please think very carefully before you decide to end the child's life because you used it as a pawn and your tactics failed.

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