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Thread: Facing abortion or loss of relationship

  1. #101
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    He had sex assuming she was protecting from pregnancy. Yes he could’ve done more - but in this case she is still fully, completely at fault. It would be different if they were careful and still got pregnant.
    I agree that if there is "fault" to be laid then its all hers. He's still, IMO a fool for not getting a vasectomy if he's that against having children that he wants her out of there before she starts showing because he couldn't stand to think of a baby growing inside of her. He is someone that should be looking after his own birth control.

    Adding: As far as it being difficult to get a vasectomy. It is not a problem here in Canada. My husband went to the doctor and it was done three weeks later and paid for through our Socialized Health Care. Mind you, that was 20 years ago. Who knows whats happening now with the Provincial Government we have in place.

  2. #102
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    Originally Posted by Fudgie
    Agree 100,000,000%

    And I'm someone who IS sterilized. The idea that committed, monogamous couples should have to just wear condoms all the type is ridiculous. Long term reversible contraceptives are extremely reliable and until something comes out for men, then yes, it's reasonable that partners in a relationship together can discuss BC and the responsibility of that may fall to one person. Again, it's usually the woman because of what we have available. Unless you want to use those awful rubbers all the time, that's how it is.

    A woman tricking a man, and I mean willfully deceiving him, is 100% reproductive rape and she should be punished legally, in my opinion. Blaming the man for not wearing a rubber when his partner has betrayed him so deeply is victim blaming.

    Also, the road to get sterilized is not an easy one. My dad, married with kids, got snipped and even he had to find a doctor willing AND have my mom sign a permission slip! Many women can't find doctors willing to sterilize them.

    You also should never get it done unless you are absolutely sure you don't want kids. But many people are not absolutely sure. So it's not a good option!
    And even sterilized you/he still consent on having unprotected sex or not due to STDs unless he has been well tested - because you are a smart woman.
    I am glad that there are hoops to get sterilized - it is CYA for the doctor to avoid a lawsuit if they are too quick to do it, and to also make sure you REALLY want it and have not been pressured into it by a gf/bf. Sterilization has a yucky history in the past of (eugenics) and so things are handled delicately. Also, not you perhaps, but for that one person who went through with it and now are desperate for kids, its CYA for the medical industry.

    Anyway, back the main topic.
    The OP needs to decide what to do.

  3. #103
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Peeps, it looks like the OP has left the building.

  4. #104
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    And even sterilized you/he still consent on having unprotected sex or not due to STDs unless he has been well tested - because you are a smart woman.
    I am glad that there are hoops to get sterilized - it is CYA for the doctor to avoid a lawsuit if they are too quick to do it, and to also make sure you REALLY want it and have not been pressured into it by a gf/bf. Sterilization has a yucky history in the past of (eugenics) and so things are handled delicately. Also, not you perhaps, but for that one person who went through with it and now are desperate for kids, its CYA for the medical industry.

    Anyway, back the main topic.
    The OP needs to decide what to do.
    That's true. I would feel awful if someone said to me "oh you have herpes now from your partner? Well you should have worn a condom". Uhm, no, because we had an agreement not to screw other people while we were having unprotected sex and he violated that.

    For the record (and maybe I feel differently now because I've had it done, who knows) but I am okay with some hoops in place. I don't think my dad should have needed a "permission slip" from his wife though, that's very weird to me. The idea of sterilizing someone under the age of 25 strikes me as risky, brain development and all. I didn't undergo a psych eval but I think requiring one (for both males and females) would be a good idea, also to assess for coercion. But that's me.

    Anyway, it's a big choice and it shouldn't be made flippantly. So few people can say "never, ever". And yes, it's a big issue for medical lawsuits. Who wants one of those?

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  6. #105
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Facing abortion or loss of relationship

    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    You’re right it won’t . He won’t ever trust her again and the relationship is pretty much over.
    Agree. You may as well end it with him now OP.

    Even if he doesn’t walk after this you will never look at each other the same way again... him at you for your betrayal, you at him for forcing you to terminate your pregnancy. This will never go back to the way it was.

  7. #106
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by maew
    Agree. You may as well end it with him now OP.

    Even if he doesn’t walk after this you will never look at each other the same way again... him at you for your betrayal, you at him for forcing you to terminate your pregnancy. This will never go back to the way it was.
    I'm still not seeing the whole forcing her to terminate angle.

    Look, what I will say is that relying on her birth control limiting the risk to 1% or full on raw-dogging and relying on pulling out, if he's having sex, he should be ready and willing to bear the consequences should it happen that a kid enters the picture. However, he's got absolutely zero reason to stay with her as a couple to parent the child. And honestly, telling her that he wants her out of the house and that she's on her own in dealing with her pregnancy and all the hormones and difficulties that come with it is nothing but fair enough as well. Why should he suffer her?

    I don't see it as some villainous ultimatum. Personally, you violate my consent foregoing birth control when our having sex is contingent on it, then you get to **** off. I'll be there for the kid, but you're straight out the door out-of-my-life during your pregnancy and as much out of my life as you can be while still being the mother of my child afterward.

    I'm sad to say I do have a real-life friend who was with a woman who later and rather proudly admitted to poking holes in his condoms. Originally he was adamant about paying child support and having nothing else to do with the kid, but ultimately came around and did the right thing being there for the child despite what the completely molded dumpster cheeseburger of a woman had done. My hope is that should OP decide to keep it, this man does the same once the reality hits, even if while shunning her in every possible and acceptable regard.

    My fingers are just crossed that the kid won't inherit his irresponsible genes nor, more importantly, those which compelled her to perform such a vile and reprehensible deed.

  8. #107
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    Whether OP reads this or not.
    Your regret of terminating the pregnancy will be greater than keeping the baby at this point, because you’d be terminating it JUST because your ploy did not plan out accordingly.
    This man most likely won’t even continue in this relationship after this whole situation anyway.

  9. #108
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    Originally Posted by Npgirl09
    Whether OP reads this or not.
    Yeah doubt she's reading, the last time she logged in was last Sunday.

    She's long gone but wish her the best.

  10. #109
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    I'm still not seeing the whole forcing her to terminate angle.

    Look, what I will say is that relying on her birth control limiting the risk to 1% or full on raw-dogging and relying on pulling out, if he's having sex, he should be ready and willing to bear the consequences should it happen that a kid enters the picture. However, he's got absolutely zero reason to stay with her as a couple to parent the child. And honestly, telling her that he wants her out of the house and that she's on her own in dealing with her pregnancy and all the hormones and difficulties that come with it is nothing but fair enough as well. Why should he suffer her?

    I don't see it as some villainous ultimatum. Personally, you violate my consent foregoing birth control when our having sex is contingent on it, then you get to **** off. I'll be there for the kid, but you're straight out the door out-of-my-life during your pregnancy and as much out of my life as you can be while still being the mother of my child afterward.

    I'm sad to say I do have a real-life friend who was with a woman who later and rather proudly admitted to poking holes in his condoms. Originally he was adamant about paying child support and having nothing else to do with the kid, but ultimately came around and did the right thing being there for the child despite what the completely molded dumpster cheeseburger of a woman had done. My hope is that should OP decide to keep it, this man does the same once the reality hits, even if while shunning her in every possible and acceptable regard.

    My fingers are just crossed that the kid won't inherit his irresponsible genes nor, more importantly, those which compelled her to perform such a vile and reprehensible deed.
    Well said, j.man.

  11. #110
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    She's long gone. Maybe she didn't like what we told her.

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