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Thread: Post-traumatic stress after breakup ?

  1. #1
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    Post-traumatic stress after breakup ?

    New thread. A few weeks ago I posted about the woman I dated for half a year, who had relapsed into alcohol abuse and became a completely different person. She went from sweet, compassionate girlfriend to almost pure evil, constantly engaging in sarcastic and ironic demeaning comments, pushing me away and pulling me back in, late night phone call rants about what an awful person I am for stating and maintaining my boundaries (told her I was by no means ging to continue this relationship if she did not seek help for her substance abuse, but I did wanted to support her as a friend and maybe help in facilitating her contacts with her previous psychologist/doctor). Also rants about how I probably already had a new girlfriend or should get one, about my lifestyle, about my personality. About my inability to ‘argue’ and how diplomatic I always remain. I was called a selfcentric person who was and will be never there for her, would never be able to maintain any longterm relationship and if I so much as mention any of this to her doctor or counselor, she would ‘literally murder me’.

    After that no contact for ten days now. Initially I was doing okay, felt kind of numbed and seemed to not experience any emotions regarding the breakup. I did not cry or felt angry or dissapointed or anything for that matter. I did feel fear.

    Right now I still feel numb, I have been having trouble concentrating and sleeping and have been experiencing vivid dreams that seem to get worse every night. Last night I had the most terrifying nightmare of my ex who transformed into a monster that was chasing me and trying to kill me. I woke up feeling extremely anxious and even a little paranoid and for the second time in my life ever had to take Alprazolam to calm down.

    As I work in the medical field myself I know these could be symptoms of ptss. Or maybe just symptoms of a bad breakup?
    There was never any actual physical trauma, only the threat of ‘if you talk to my doctor I will murder you’, said in a complete rage through a phonecall and of course the weeks of demeaning phonecalls (emotional abuse?) previous to this.

    I am just wondering if anyone else has experienced this after a breakup!

    (I of course try to maintain no contact. But we live in the same city and I find myself anxious to even go out - what if we bump in to eachother?)

    Worth mentioning we are still facebook-connected - but I dread blocking her out of fear for ‘waking the beast’... we are now completely silent with eachother and I fear removing her as a friend or blocking her will cause a new rage.. I can almost literally feel her enormous anger towards me at this moment.. I know her as a very, very resentful person (which was a red flag early on in this relationship, I know).

    Any tips on how to navigate this?

    Ps: I have been seing a therapist since 3 years every month, so will of course talk to her about this as well.. but I’m interested in other people’s experiences with this and also a little overwhelmed by this dreams I keep having...

    Thanks!

  2. #2
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    Cut off all contact. You can't possibly get better if you continue to expose yourself to the very person who is causing you pain and distress.

    "We live in the same city" is an excuse to remain attached to her. Ask yourself why you insist on remaining attached.

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Cut off all contact. You can't possibly get better if you continue to expose yourself to the very person who is causing you pain and distress.

    "We live in the same city" is an excuse to remain attached to her. Ask yourself why you insist on remaining attached.
    By no means do I want to keep attached to her, but I don’t know how to proceed in the cutting off - do I do it without explanation? Do I block? What if we run into eachother on the streets, do I ignore?

    I really, really fear for her reaction - I am afraid if I proceed the wrong way I will ignite a new rage..

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    Originally Posted by Lucha
    By no means do I want to keep attached to her, but I don’t know how to proceed in the cutting off - do I do it without explanation? Do I block? What if we run into eachother on the streets, do I ignore?

    I really, really fear for her reaction - I am afraid if I proceed the wrong way I will ignite a new rage..
    How frequently do you run into her on the streets?

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    I have PTSD. But am much improved after EMDR. Plus there is a new treatment called “brain spotting “.

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    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Waking the beast?

    Come on!

    IF shes that bad, you should have no issue running in the other direction.

    Your time would be much better spent figuring out why you stayed with someone so horrible and stop cocooning yourself in victimhood

    ETA: Arent you the therapist, who couldnt get your ex out of your mind like a year ago? So you got back together?

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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Waking the beast?

    Come on!

    IF shes that bad, you should have no issue running in the other direction.

    Your time would be much better spent figuring out why you stayed with someone so horrible and stop cocooning yourself in victimhood

    ETA: Arent you the therapist, who couldnt get your ex out of your mind like a year ago? So you got back together?
    Off topic: doesn’t sound like me.. The one relationship I struggled to let go was five years ago and after that I only had three rather short relationships.. and never got back together with any ex..

    I also am not a therapist but a medical doctor working in the psychiatric field.

    I did however always seemed to fall for individuals with borderline personality disorderder.. and frequently visited the forum to reflect about these breakups.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lucha
    Off topic: doesn’t sound like me.. The one relationship I struggled to let go was five years ago and after that I only had three rather short relationships.. and never got back together with any ex..

    I also am not a therapist but a medical doctor working in the psychiatric field.

    I did however always seemed to fall for individuals with borderline personality disorderder.. and frequently visited the forum to reflect about these breakups.
    So with your education background....who needs to do some changing given this person keeps getting into relationships with people with BPD?

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    So with your education background....who needs to do some changing given this person keeps getting into relationships with people with BPD?
    That would obviously be me, thanks for pointing this out.. (I have however been in therapy myself for three years now and making progress in creating and maintaining boundaries, but am not quite there yet)

  11. #10
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    How frequently do you run into her on the streets?

    Often enough that it is a legitimate concern? Like, every week? Every day? Do you live within a few minutes walking distance of one another?

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