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Thread: Post-traumatic stress after breakup ?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    This is a person you call the cops on.
    Um, why?

    This is a person, per the last thread, who got back into drinking, started running a bit mean but mainly just cold. That's pretty pedestrian in the scheme of "evil" people. This person has never been violent, and has only engaged when Lucha opens up the door to engagement. For ten days this person has done...nothing.

    The person the cops get called on is the person in Lucha's imagination. Should this woman become that person—showing up unannounced, slashing tires at the grocery store, throwing bricks through windows, turning into an evil monster if unfriended on Facebook—then the cops can get involved.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Serious question Lucha.

    Given your mental state from the previous breakup, what made you decide to enter into another relationship without facing and solving your issues with codependency.

    The fact that you keep attracting these horrific people...dont you think a break to focus on you is in order?

    Sure.. in these past five years I have only been in 3 relationships which lasted 5, 6 and now 6 months respectivly.. I haven’t dated in between.. so I’ve had periods of being single for around 1,5 year in between.

    Apparently a longer break would be beneficial..

  3. #23
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Um, why?

    This is a person, per the last thread, who got back into drinking, started running a bit mean but mainly just cold. That's pretty pedestrian in the scheme of "evil" people. This person has never been violent, and has only engaged when Lucha opens up the door to engagement. For ten days this person has done...nothing.

    The person the cops get called on is the person in Lucha's imagination. Should this woman become that person—showing up unannounced, slashing tires at the grocery store, throwing bricks through windows, turning into an evil monster if unfriended on Facebook—then the cops can get involved.
    If she gets to that level of nuts yes. However ,I have had a stalker like that who slashed tires ,called all hours of the day and night ,got our unpublished phone numbers ,tried to kidnap me from school and tried to run over my dad . I have no patience for any of this crap .

  4. #24
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    You can choose to remain attached to someone you shouldn't because of "what if". It gives you "permission" to continue to interact. Because, in all honesty, you don't want to detach. You still "hope".

    So you use "what if" as your excuse.

    I doubt you truly think any of these things will actually happen, but it sure allows you to keep interacting with her.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    You're supposed to be helping people, Lucha, not adding to your own problems so you can't help people very well.

    Try looking at things more on a long term basis and how they affect you in the long term. I'm an accountant and if I listened to everyone's problems we'd mostly only be dealing with immediate problems right in front of us instead of looking at the big picture and how it affects the bottomline or the business and its long term health. I'm urging you to please look at your life long term and try not to associate with individuals who negatively impact you. Continue seeing your therapist or receive the help you need (there is no shame in this). But you should be real with yourself and recognize you're not doing anyone any good not being ok yourself.
    That is very true. I want to stress I keep seeing my own therapist but also keep maintaining self-care and working, and had not had any negative comments on my work upto now.
    But you are absolutely right on not being able to help people well when not feeling okay myself. If this nightmares continue I will take some weeks off to get back on my feet..

  7. #26
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lucha
    That is very true. I want to stress I keep seeing my own therapist but also keep maintaining self-care and working, and had not had any negative comments on my work upto now.
    But you are absolutely right on not being able to help people well when not feeling okay myself. If this nightmares continue I will take some weeks off to get back on my feet..
    But Lucha you were told this 2 years ago with the other ex....

    I said this 2 years ago as well, you can have all the knowledge in the world, know every mental illness know exactly how abusive someone is being, until you USE the tools you have and help yourself, you WILL remain here, stuck, victimized by what it seems every relationship you enter, doesnt that sound miserable?

    As you were asked before, what would you tell your patients if they came to you speaking as you do?

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    But Lucha you were told this 2 years ago with the other ex....

    I said this 2 years ago as well, you can have all the knowledge in the world, know every mental illness know exactly how abusive someone is being, until you USE the tools you have and help yourself, you WILL remain here, stuck, victimized by what it seems every relationship you enter, doesnt that sound miserable?

    As you were asked before, what would you tell your patients if they came to you speaking as you do?
    I would probably stress the importance of self-care and trusting their intuition to not stay in any abusive relationship.

    But this is the stuff why people come to psychiatrists or therapists.. because they simply have not learned to trust their instincts.. because maybe they were always told their instincts were wrong, or their feelings did not matter.. and this is the stuff I keep going to therapy for myself.. in comparison to a few years ago, I am much more able to create boundaries, only not as good in remaining firm about them.. working on it though!

  9. #28
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Do you think you've got a good therapist?

    I'm no expert, but I feel confident in saying this cuts way deeper than trusting instincts. This is about understanding why some of your most basic instincts are compelled toward, rather than repelled by, damage and dysfunction.

    I'm curious: when things were "good"—i.e. when she took it personally that you were a doctor who "only" could see her 2-3 times a week—what was your instinct there? Was it to think she was "right" in her assessment of things? Or was it to think you could "do better," either by communicating better or making more time for her?

    Most adults would be completely turned off by someone right there. It seems you were turned on, much the way you're turned on right now. Figure out why this sort of thing turns you on and you may find your less beholden to certain instincts and can cultivate different ones.

    What would different instincts look like right now? A shrug, basically. Six months with a loose cannon that are over. You go out, go grocery shopping, knowing the odds that you'll ever see this person are slim and knowing that anything you get from her is just going to be a little tantrum that can be ignored.

    But, as others are saying, I think you want the tantrum. I think you miss the beast. I think if you look at even the good times with clearer eyes that you'll find the moments of connection were forged in slightly less extreme versions of what you're feeling right now: anxiety, discomfort, fear, and a desire to keep the beast sated rather than just calling the beast a beast and moving on.

  10. #29
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lucha
    New thread. A few weeks ago I posted about the woman I dated for half a year, who had relapsed into alcohol abuse and became a completely different person. She went from sweet, compassionate girlfriend to almost pure evil, constantly engaging in sarcastic and ironic demeaning comments, pushing me away and pulling me back in, late night phone call rants about what an awful person I am for stating and maintaining my boundaries (told her I was by no means ging to continue this relationship if she did not seek help for her substance abuse, but I did wanted to support her as a friend and maybe help in facilitating her contacts with her previous psychologist/doctor). Also rants about how I probably already had a new girlfriend or should get one, about my lifestyle, about my personality. About my inability to ‘argue’ and how diplomatic I always remain. I was called a selfcentric person who was and will be never there for her, would never be able to maintain any longterm relationship and if I so much as mention any of this to her doctor or counselor, she would ‘literally murder me’.
    Wow, that's a rough breakup. You are supposed to walk away as soon as she starts saying that stuff.

    Many people go on the rebound after a breakup. It's traumatizing. It's temporary, it will go away with time. There are things you can do to make life easier like get involved with your life and dating. Counseling can help too.
    Last edited by Gary Snyder; 07-14-2019 at 08:57 AM.

  11. #30
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    Have you dealt with your issues and what you are attracted to?

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