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Thread: Post-traumatic stress after breakup ?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    How frequently do you run into her on the streets?

    Often enough that it is a legitimate concern? Like, every week? Every day? Do you live within a few minutes walking distance of one another?
    Yes we live within five minutes from eachother. I can ofcourse avoid the city altogether and do my groceries in a different city, but that would feel like avoidance?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lucha
    Yes we live within five minutes from eachother. I can ofcourse avoid the city altogether and do my groceries in a different city, but that would feel like avoidance?
    Whats wrong with avoidance? Its not always a bad thing

    Do you truly believe she would harm you if you unfriended her on Facebook?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lucha
    I did however always seemed to fall for individuals with borderline personality disorder.
    This, I think, is the thing to be focused on.

    All this other stuff, the dreams, the anxiety, the doomsday scenarios of 'waking the beast' by unfriending on Facebook? Well, I think those are things your mind is creating to not focus on the big stuff: you. I think you'd rather tell yourself that you "have" to stay friends on Facebook than to explore how that very construct is the product of some frayed seams and wiring that really have nothing do with with this woman.

    It seems you are very, very attracted to psychodrama. No doubt that got you into this, kept you in it for six months, and now that it's over? Well, your imagination is filling the void with drama so you can continue to play the role you are "comfortable" playing—savior, martyr, saint, victim. Being that this isn't your first rodeo of this sort, you could say your mind is "keeping you warm" until you can find the next girlfriend/patient/destroyer.

    Basically, I think you're giving this person far more power than she actually has, and ascribing far more "danger" to her than she actually wields. Unfriend her, block her, grocery shop. Odds are you'll hear nothing. Maybe an uncomfortable exchange in the vegetable aisle, a rogue email that gets through. Don't give it power. Walk on. These sorts of people need fuel for their fires. Refuse to be the fuel and they move elsewhere—and pretty fast.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Lucha
    Yes we live within five minutes from eachother. I can ofcourse avoid the city altogether and do my groceries in a different city, but that would feel like avoidance?
    But how frequently do you actually run into her?

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Whats wrong with avoidance? Its not always a bad thing

    Do you truly believe she would harm you if you unfriended her on Facebook?
    I know she feels deeply hurt by any perceived rejection and is a very resentful person. She has in the past attacked people when she was under the influence of alcohol or drugs, I don’t think she ever physically hurt someone in a sober state.

    I know anger and resentment is a natural part of any breakup, but this is a person who has stalked exes in the past and bombarded them with raging phonecalls..

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    But how frequently do you actually run into her?
    Up to now I have avoided going out and have not run into her. Before, we met around three times a week and when we didn’t meet, I was working, so never ran into her except for once..

  8. #17
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    This is a person you call the cops on.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Serious question Lucha.

    Given your mental state from the previous breakup, what made you decide to enter into another relationship without facing and solving your issues with codependency.

    The fact that you keep attracting these horrific people...dont you think a break to focus on you is in order?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're supposed to be helping people, Lucha, not adding to your own problems so you can't help people very well.

    Try looking at things more on a long term basis and how they affect you in the long term. I'm an accountant and if I listened to everyone's problems we'd mostly only be dealing with immediate problems right in front of us instead of looking at the big picture and how it affects the bottomline or the business and its long term health. I'm urging you to please look at your life long term and try not to associate with individuals who negatively impact you. Continue seeing your therapist or receive the help you need (there is no shame in this). But you should be real with yourself and recognize you're not doing anyone any good not being ok yourself.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    This, I think, is the thing to be focused on.

    All this other stuff, the dreams, the anxiety, the doomsday scenarios of 'waking the beast' by unfriending on Facebook? Well, I think those are things your mind is creating to not focus on the big stuff: you. I think you'd rather tell yourself that you "have" to stay friends on Facebook than to explore how that very construct is the product of some frayed seams and wiring that really have nothing do with with this woman.

    It seems you are very, very attracted to psychodrama. No doubt that got you into this, kept you in it for six months, and now that it's over? Well, your imagination is filling the void with drama so you can continue to play the role you are "comfortable" playing—savior, martyr, saint, victim. Being that this isn't your first rodeo of this sort, you could say your mind is "keeping you warm" until you can find the next girlfriend/patient/destroyer.

    Basically, I think you're giving this person far more power than she actually has, and ascribing far more "danger" to her than she actually wields. Unfriend her, block her, grocery shop. Odds are you'll hear nothing. Maybe an uncomfortable exchange in the vegetable aisle, a rogue email that gets through. Don't give it power. Walk on. These sorts of people need fuel for their fires. Refuse to be the fuel and they move elsewhere—and pretty fast.
    Apparently I do this, martyr or victim thing - given the amount of relationships of this sort I have been in. I can only say that the first few months with this woman were nothing like what it is now, there were however some red flags I apparently chose to ignore..

    I’ll certainly discuss this further with my therapist, why I keep getting in this kind of relationships.. she has previously said I seem to lack self confidence in ‘knowing’ what is bad for me and trusting my intuition, but I’m making progress.

    I want to stress I do not feel like a saint, for I had my fair share of mistakes in this relationship and not like a victim either, I see this as a relationship that simply did not work out but I do experience a lot of stress about how this breakup went.

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