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Thread: My job is working me to death

  1. #21
    Member SaraJane99's Avatar
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    Sorry for the delay in writing back. Been another crazy work week and I havenít had time to logon.
    Me and my husband decided September is definitely the time for me to leave. Iíll get the last of my commission from my closings around that time and will just be waiting on my next community to open. After I start selling in there it will be 6 months before I get paid on any of those homes. So might as well get out now while I have the chance.

    However, my damn anxiety is making everything so much worse as far as trying to prepare for our future. Iím a nervous wreck about turning in my notice because I know theyíre going to be pissed. If I had it in me I would stay until I got pregnant. But I donít have the physical or mental energy to open another new community. Iím honestly too burned out to keep going.

    Iíve always struggled with anxiety and lately I feel itís completely out of control. Whenever Iím not at work and I actually do get down time Iím too on edge to enjoy it. When Iím not busy I start to think of all the ways Iíve let my personal life slide. Examples: filing extension on our taxes that STILL havenít been filed, weíre in the process of building a house, our current house has been needing repairs and the list keeps growing. Iíve started having panic attackís because there are so many important things I need to do and I only have this small window of time to do them in. Who knows when Iíll get another day off and I know I canít do everything in a day. My health is a mess too, Iíve suddenly started putting on a lot of weight - Iím sure is from not taking the time to eat healthy or workout anymore. I just feel
    overwhelmed and exhausted.

    I was off today, and while I only had to work some of the day, the rest of it was miserable because of my anxiety. I canít even enjoy time off because I spend it worrying non freakin stop. My husband owns his own company and works as much as I do. It doesnít go well when I try to talk about our taxes or really anything we need to work on. He stays stressed too, so I get it - the last thing I would want to hear at the end of the day is more I need to worry about from my spouse. I told him when I quit I want to help him run the company and get our life back in order. Iím trying hard to stay focused on that as my goal. If I stay with this job my personal matters will always be low priority. I know noones life is perfect, but if weíre going to have a baby I canít imagine trying to care for it when Iím barely holding my own head above water.

    Iím sorry to ramble on and on.... If I donít have some sort of outlet I feel like I might actually explode

  2. #22
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    That sounds like a great decision.
    Your life, health, plans for a family aren't worth sacrificing for more money that you really don't need.
    I've been at burnout before myself, it's not fun. Sometimes it's for a greater goal to push like that, but it can become a way of life and before you know it...life has passed.
    So don't second guess yourself now. Good things ahead!

  3. #23
    Member SaraJane99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    That sounds like a great decision.
    Your life, health, plans for a family aren't worth sacrificing for more money that you really don't need.
    I've been at burnout before myself, it's not fun. Sometimes it's for a greater goal to push like that, but it can become a way of life and before you know it...life has passed.
    So don't second guess yourself now. Good things ahead!
    Thank you! I know I shouldnít be looking for validation but I totally am. Iím constantly second guessing myself, so anything positive really helps. I want to get excited about our future... but that takes overcoming my fears of what comes next!

  4. #24
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    It's ok, I understand where you are coming from.
    It took me being at my doctor's , discussing how my anxiety was impacting my health, before I felt confident to pull the trigger and leave the position I was in. I had been planning it for a while, but burnout hit me a little sooner than I had originally planned to leave. My partner and loved ones had been on me , urging me to leave as they saw how it was wearing me down. But the validation hearing from my doctor was needed for me, I guess. Hearing him say " well, it isn't sustainable working those kinds of hours, doing what you are doing, this is why your nervous system is having trouble, you need to rest".

    And I can tell you, once that main constant stressor is gone, your body starts readjusting. I'm happier than I have been in a long time. Other worries shrink back to a more accurate perspective. I'm working out every day like I love to do, have time for the foods I like to cook, have time for baths!

    This really is the worst part. Soon you'll be able to relax enough where excitement and your natural creativity have space to be known again, and it's wonderful, like a whole different way of life.

    I'm excited for you.

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  6. #25
    Member SaraJane99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    I'm working out every day like I love to do, have time for the foods I like to cook, have time for baths!
    Have time for baths - omg that hits home lol! You would not believe the days I contemplate if I have time to shower or not. Like I REALLY need a shower, but my phones blowing up and everythingís an emergency according to my clients. So dry shampoo and body whips have become my best friend. I feel so gross but I literally donít have time for good personal hygiene anymore, yuck!

    I so miss doing things I enjoy. I really want to get healthy again and feel confident with my body. My husband actually asked me if someone hit me the other day. I had been working long hours and got myself so worked up that I actually looked sick. Like physically sick.... my face was pale and the circles under my eyes were dark. And if I donít look sick I feel it. So I am looking forward to putting my health back at the top of the priority list.

  7. #26
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    Yes, baths and showers and yes I've been in your mindset and even now at times with a part time job and a child and a husband who works more than full time, travels and is also working on a PhD. I actually think it's great to feel thankful for a bath or a longer shower- I do these days (and did so much when my child was too young for me to shower when he was awake). Exercise -daily cardio -helps me so so much.

    One poster on this board posted the other day -not to me -but wow did it resonate -that she has a method of stopping the "what if" and other anxious thoughts -a way of self-talking that works for her. Not rationalizing or "think positive" (lol- I think positive when my favorite soap, while just a sliver, stays on the side of the tub instead of slipping in the water and disintegrating further) - but a real self-talking kind of phrase or mantra that works for her. I have been doing versions of that for years just not as much with the what-if trains of thought -yes, about taxes or that pesky leak that might not be just a leak, etc.

    Know what else- if you're on adrenaline and you get a break from work -you know what -it's ok not to "relax" -the other day I scrubbed two floors and took out the garbage and folded laundry right after sending in a huge project to one of my supervisors that had been stressing me some - it felt good to get my home a bit more in order rather than scrolling on Facebook for example. Try not to do too many shoulds - you will know when you must force yourself to "relax".

  8. #27
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    I would have changed your outgoing voicemail every day "its friday, July x. Today i will be available by phone from 9 to 3 and 4:30 to 6. I will be out the office from 3 to 4:30 where i wll be turning the keys over to a happy new homeower. I will return all phone calls the same day. Please leave a message, or a send a text. " or "today is friday, i will be out of the office until 11 and will return my calls after that time".

    Anyway, there are other jobs you can work in real estate and set your own hours. Or be really busy and hire an assstant and a buyer's agent, etc, so you don't have to work around the clock.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Iím a nervous wreck about turning in my notice because I know theyíre going to be pissed.
    From what you've described, what difference does their pissedness make in the grand scheme of things? They're not 'nice' in the first place, so it's not as though their dislike of losing you might blow some otherwise fabulous relationship.

    Screw them. Your successes speak for themselves in terms of shopping yourself to potential employers, and these people are not exactly good reference material regardless of when you leave. Their negativity isn't something you'd want for a recommendation, so look into the laws in your location regarding the limits of what your HR department or supervisor is allowed to confirm on any employment checks from future employers. For instance, in my state, they can only confirm date of hire and last date of work. Period. Use past clients or 'good' coworkers as your references.

    You speak of fear being a continual driver of your anxiety, but I'd make it a point to identify what, exactly, you fears ARE. Write those down regularly, and allow your mind to come up with solutions to them over time. For instance, learning that you'd be fully capable of handling any given worst case scenario, despite inconvenience or a less than desirable outcome, means that you can stop spinning over any given fear.

    In order to resolve a problem you need to identify the problem. Squelching fears without examining them is called 'stuffing,' and that only amplifies fear instead of minimizing it. Holding your fears up to the light exposes them as annoyances or unlikelihoods while stuffing them grows them into a giant abstraction. Nobody can resolve that.

    Break down your fears into components in the same way you'd break up a large project into smaller tasks. When you break anything down into manageable parts, you take away its power to overwhelm.

    Head high, you can do this.

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