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My job is working me to death


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I’m new to this forum and could really use some advice about leaving my job. I’m feeling a lot of guilt for wanting to give up and would like to know everyone’s thoughts on my situation.

 

I am in a situation now that many would envy: I've got more job security than I can handle. I started a new job over a year ago in sales with a very large, corporate home builder. Ever since I've started, it's been insane. I work about 60 hours a week with extremely rare exceptions. For the past year and a half, I have been a work machine. In an effort to prove myself at the new job and get ahead as quickly as possible (due to the plan of starting a family with my husband), I've worked long hours, took on extra projects, and generally kicked ass. I was actually the top producing sales agent this past year in our division. I suppose I should note here that I am an overachiever and a people-pleaser by nature, which has not always been the worst thing to be.

 

 

Right now I feel as if my head is in a vise grip all the time, like my body is being ground down by a particularly coarse brand of sandpaper. Due to the heavy volume of sales that the community I’m responsible of is experiencing, things aren't getting done on time unless I’m willing to work until bedtime every night and work through my days off... which I do, and have been doing since we opened this new community in Aug.

 

I took this job because it has was a wonderful career choice that most realtors would kill for. Plus the benefits are great, I have 401k and with the sales this year alone I have already made nearly 200k in commission! However, the great benefits come at a great price. Currently, all I do is apologize to people who are angry that things aren't getting done to their satisfaction. Which is to be expected having buyers on edge and difficult to deal with... they’re making a HUGE purchase and trusting us to build their “home”. However, after selling 60+ houses in such a short amount of time I’ve started to feel like a doctor who needs to stop accepting new patients.

But my company is extremely numbers driven... we have quota we’re expected to meet each month, which means the buyers and their agents keep pilling up and with each sale I make, and each sale is more of my time that is going to be needed for the next 3-8 months while their house is being built! Not to mention after they move in, with my model home being right up the street the entire community thinks I’m their personal property manager to pop in on and complain to or at whenever they deem necessary.

I have a raging flood of e-mail, calls and text from people wanting status updates and deadlines met all hours of the day, 7 days a week. And what my more demanding clients don’t understand is they’re not the only people who need something from me! But to be perfectly honest, I could probably manage the demanding work load and angry clients if I had the support of management. But they’re actually the biggest reason I’m ready to throw in the towel.

 

Since I started making my way up to being our top producer, I was looking forward to making a positive impression on upper management. However, the harder I worked and the more I achieved, the more harassment I started receiving from my bosses. Our division has 2 area sales managers, and I’m only required to answer to the manager over my community. Yet, our other area manager has been in her position longer and appears to have seniority over mine. When my work load started increasing is when the other manger started butting into my sales when she had no idea what was even going on! It first started as a text that she received a call from a potential buyer who couldn’t reach me - she would tell me I needed to call them back immediately. Usually she came across very aggravated with me. However, every time this happened I was sitting with clients writing a contract or in the middle of negotiations! My phone rings off the hook and I would loose sales if I stopped to take every call while trying to explain a sales contract to a buyer and their agent. I asked MY manager to please defend me since she actually knew my schedule and how busy I was. And she tried... for awhile. Sadly, time has passed and I believe the corporate environment has taken its tole on her since she doesn’t appear to be trying anymore. It has now gotten so bad that ON MY DAYS OFF I am literally expected to report to them when I’m home trying to use the bathroom! God forbid I miss a call while I’m sitting on the toilet!!

 

They constantly call me and force me to work on my days off. I have had 2 doctor appointments where the doctor sent me away before I was finished with my appointment because I was getting non stop phone calls during the appointment that I had to take from management. Wanting to know why I missed a call telling me “someone wants to write an offer on a house, when can you call them? We need you to get on this right now!” One afternoon I had a hair appointment, missed a call, within an hour they called my office and complained. By the time my manger called to yell at me I had already called the person back. And then was told they may need to see my CALL LOG for that day that I WAS OFF WORK to know exactly what I was doing all day so they could see if I was just dodging calls. I also had to get my cell replaced a few months back because my voicemail wasn’t working and my phone was dropping calls. I was told if I didn’t get my PERSONAL phone working properly I may get written up.

 

I told my manager not to long ago it bothered me that they automatically assume I’m not doing my job, instead of trusting that If I didn’t answer a call it’s because there was a reason. What bothers me more is the rule actually is we must return all missed calls the same day if it’s our day off. Yet I’m getting in trouble for not returning calls within an hour. And this strict rule only applies to me... I spoke with other agents in my division and non of them are experiencing half the harassment that I am.

 

I deal with this for 10 to 12 hours a day, eating lunch at my desk so I can try to keep up with the ocean of frustration that threatens to drown me. The onslaught is starting to break me down. My body hurts from being clenched all day. At night, all I want to do is drink myself to sleep. I’ve started loosing my hair or I’m pulling it out. Each week is like a never ending cycle since I don’t actually get days off to decompress. I used to enjoy outdoor activities, taking my dogs hiking, running or riding bikes with friends, and just spending time with my husband. I don't have time to do any of that anymore because of this damn job -- I don't have time or energy to do much of anything anymore but try to hold onto this punctured life raft of sanity in a hurricane.

 

I’ve even lost a close friend because of this job. She recently had a baby and every time I promised to come see them, I had to blow them off last minute because there was ANOTHER emergency at work.

 

The stress of this job caused me to have a mental breakdown earlier this year and I’m currently seeing a counselor for stress management. My husband loves my income but he’s ready for me to quite because he’s sick of seeing the abuse they put me through. And he knows I won’t be able to cope once we start trying to have a baby. I’m nearly sold out in my current community and will go through some down time soon before my next community opens later this year. So if there is ever a time to get out, the time is now.

 

 

I had another hi stress job before this one that I quite because I was denied a raise after taking on the job responsibilities of 2 employees who quite. I was really getting taken advantage of and got sick of not having any income to show for all the extra work I was doing. So now I’m starting to feel like a “quitter” since I’m in yet another job I’m ready to give up on. Plus the people-pleaser side of me hates giving up and I’m really hard on myself for wanting to quite. Just that feeling alone is even giving me more anxiety. I want so bad to be able to cope with the stress, not let management get to me and keep this job that will more than be able to provide for our family in the future.

 

I feel like leaving is the best thing I can do for myself and my marriage. I just wish I could feel at peace with my decision. Instead I have this fear that when I turn in my notice they'll probably just shrug and say something covertly insulting like they understand it's a high-pressure environment that's not for everybody. It’s true, I can’t handle their work load, and I hate myself for it.

 

 

I don’t want to have a doubt about my decision to leave... my husband has a great paying job to support us. Plus I don’t plan to stay unemployed. I do want to go back to work after we have a baby. But what if I really just need to learn to cope with stress that any job is going to have? Would anyone else quite after only working there a year and a half? I really need advice on what to do...

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Get on LinkedIn with an excellent profile, head shot and a list of your education, experience, etc. Upload your contact list and see who you may know to network with. If you do not want it known that you are thinking of resigning, do not allude to the fact that you are job seeking openly.

 

No matter what you decide to do having a well written updated resume at all times is a must in your situation. Whether you resign, work elsewhere decide to be a sahm returning to the workforce later, etc.. Discuss boundaries and burnout with your therapist. Again, no matter what you decide or where you go, you'll need to manage your life in a less frenetic way. Including being a sahm, in which case you'll be 'on call' 24/7 and private toilet time will be a thing of the past.

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There is a reason the 40 hour workweek is standard........it's not healthy to work to much. Put a 40 hour limit on it, tell them to hire somebody else, hire an assistant, change jobs, or change careers, or get your own business. If you have to work too many hours, you are doing it wrong. Oh, and of course your employer would never tell you this - here's a wake up call - they don't care about you, only the bottom line.

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A salary based job just isn’t for you.

So get a job that pays a wage.

 

There are others that will be ok with with doing what you do and for the pay.

 

When you are salary based , there is no time off , just a requirement to do the job even if that means outside of m-f , 9-5.

 

If you want legit time off to walk the dogs, get a hair appt , then you need to look into a different career.

Or stick it out like your bosses , managers have done to get to their position. Years.

 

They aren’t going to feel sympathetic when they have been in your shoes to get where they are.

 

Quit. Get a wage based job in the field for less money.

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Get to a doctor. There are plenty of doctors, lawyers, military, law enforcement, etc. who work much longer hours and have much more stress and responsibilities. The issue is acting like a victim. The job drives you to drink, the job made you leave dr. appts, the job makes your hair fall out, the job is ruining your marriage, the job does this to you, the job does that to you. You can jump around from job to job but without effective and healthy coping skills even the simplest job will be stressful. This is selling houses, not landing fighter jets on an aircraft carrier or brain surgery on a child.

 

If you want to stop working, just do so. You need better coping skills and stress management than you are describing in this entire post, not to mention this:

all I want to do is drink myself to sleep.
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I did jobs like that for 15 years. I did leave one job (well, almost as my mentor turns out wanted to leave to so I left with him but I was going to quit) because on top of the long hours it was a toxic environment. It also affected me physically. It also was 24/7. Healthy? I don't know -maybe not -I haven't had a standard 40 hour a week job since 1991 and the last 3 years I am a mom who works part time (if I ever did full time again it would need to be standard). Here's the litmus test for me - toxic or harassing environment is a no go if you're going to work those hours. To me toxic doesn't mean long hours or unpredictable hours or high demands on your time/productivity. It means being harassed or worse by your peers or superiors and an environment where people are treated like crap.

 

Here's another piece. It is totally fine if this kind of high stress/unpredictable hours/ on call environment is not for you. It's not for everyone. It wouldn't be for me, ever again, because of my current lifestyle. Please do be honest with yourself and it's fine if you're an overachiever -me too -but doesn't mean you have to choose that kind of job -you can achieve and contribute and work your tail off at a more traditional 40 hour a week job. Sadly although I'm "part time" I work "overtime" because it's in my blood, with the difference being that it's not expected and therefore I don't feel external stress. And they really appreciate me (been almost 3 years). So even if I did full time at this job it wouldn't be like your job now. So please please get real with yourself.

 

So -one more thing. Because I did that work for 15 years, by the time I was blessed with a child I knew that no matter what I would have the financial security to stay home with him as long as I wanted whether or not my husband made enough $ to provide. He did BUT it helped so much -me psychologically -to be able to contribute financially from my savings from those 15 years. And it meant that when I returned to work I could take a huge paycut in exchange for the ability to telework a lot plus part time plus flexibility -a parent's dream. And I'm doing very important work. It's a luxury to be able to do this but it's because I busted my behind for 15 years that I feel comfortable doing so. As does my husband. So yes money matters if you're thinking of starting a family. And no we don't have a large house -we rent an apartment - and no we don't live an extravagant lifestyle but I never really did. So also get clear about what your wants and needs are as I've heard parents insist they have to have a certain size home, certain kinds of baby paraphernalia/toys/parties/vacations, etc - so they work at certain jobs to afford that. NOt judging just mentioning all the factors I think go into it. Please feel free to PM me.

 

I hope you feel better very soon. And it's not the healthiest for your body to be under this kind of stress were you to get pregnant. Maybe another thing to consider.

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Like Batya, I worked in this type of full-on stress job, where you are constantly weighing the great money you are making vs. your quality of life. I would come home crying, it was so bad, and it's much like what you describe, so when I tell you I get it, I get it.

 

Your loss of the friend who had the baby hit home for me, as I was not "allowed" to visit my sister while she gave birth to her first child, because we were all on a business trip which happened to be in my sister's city, at a hotel about 5 miles from the hospital. But I was told that it would be "unfair" to allow me to leave, because everyone else has personal things too. Oh....I was asking to leave at 7 PM, long after the official work day, but I was being held for a "business dinner". To this day, it saddens me, and my sister, that I missed that.

 

As Wiseman said, put yourself together in a terrific way, on LinkedIn. Get a professional headshot (not a selfie, not your face cropped out of a party pic, but pay a professional), and fill in the blanks. Add in your current responsibilities and "wins", as well as education, etc. No need to say you're looking for a job, just connecting with friends and colleagues. And then....start connecting. Send out connection requests to everyone who pops up for you. You will be surprised at how many recruiters cruise LinkedIn and contact you. Get your resume professionally done, and make sure you have all the "keywords" you need for whatever type of job you would like.

 

I finally quit my highest paying job ever when I came home one day and said I'd sweep floors for a living. I just didn't care anymore. And yes, I lost the paycheck. But, if you're a smart girl, and I think that you are, you'll have been saving, like I was, and guess what....I found another job, in a completely different world, and voila....the money is all back, and I have a job with a stress level I can manage, nowhere near what you are going through.

 

If you're looking for validation that you're in a sucky situation, I'll give it to you. This. Sucks. Sounds like it's an upper management problem, and it only gets worse, the better you do. Right? The more stuff you do well, the more they rely on you, and those reliances turn into demands, which suck up your life. Talking to management won't change anything, because they can't even get the light fixtures delivered to the new homes on time....right? So how are they going to manage employees well? They're not. You have to manage yourself.....right outta there.

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Are you in the U.S.? If so, there are labor/employment laws in this country that protect employees from what you're describing -- emotional distress due to mental harassment, among a bunch of other labor law violations your employers are committing.

 

It sounds like you under so much stress, you are on the verge of a mental break, and are in dire need of a "break."

 

We have a law/act in our country called FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act).

 

By LAW, if you are either mentally or physically ill (and mental stress falls under that category) you are entitled to three months per year medical leave to get well.

 

I suggest you take advantage of this act immediately before something more serious than severe mental stress happens -- like a heart attack!

 

I've seen it happen, to young people even, over-stressed from their jobs.

 

You will need a doctor's note, but my goodness, any doctor worth his salt should see you are in severe mental stress and will write you that note.

 

Your employers cannot terminate you during this time, it is against the law for them to do so.

 

While you are out, think about whether working 60 hours a week making the money you do for an employer who mentally harasses you the way they are (I mean while you're in the bathroom, on your days off, on vacation?) is worth it.

 

Also know your employers are in severe violation of so many labor laws, I cannot even count, which means you have grounds for a very legit lawsuit against them.

 

But first things first -- go to your doctor, get that note, and take medical leave, again which you are in dire need of! And get well!!

 

After that you can consider filing suit against them, consult a labor/employment law attorney about that.

 

Hope you feel better soon and good luck!

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Thank you for helpful advice Batya33. That was what I was looking for, not to be blasted like a piece of sh*t for trying to talk about the struggle I’m going through. I did mention this isn’t an easy decision and one that I’m not taking lightly. However, I did not say I have it harder than anyone else. I’m not trying to compare myself, just wanted to talk about a personal situation I’m going through.

 

 

Anyway, I could go on but at this point I guess I would only be trying defend myself vs discuss what I’m going through with people who care. Just needed a little support because I’m scared to be a Mom and I do, very much resent myself for wanting out of this work environment. Thank you everyone who tried proving I suck. Mission accomplished. So glad I signed back up on this forum.

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Thank you for helpful advice Batya33. That was what I was looking for, not to be blasted like a piece of sh*t for trying to talk about the struggle I’m going through. I did mention this isn’t an easy decision and one that I’m not taking lightly. However, I did not say I have it harder than anyone else. I’m not trying to compare myself, just wanted to talk about a personal situation I’m going through.

 

 

Anyway, I could go on but at this point I guess I would only be trying defend myself vs discuss what I’m going through with people who care. Just needed a little support because I’m scared to be a Mom and I do, very much resent myself for wanting out of this work environment. Thank you everyone who tried proving I suck. Mission accomplished. So glad I signed back up on this forum.

 

Who made it sound like you suck? I only see one negative post - everyone else seems quite positive.

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Does your company have an HR department? If so, go to HR immediately and explain your situation. If they don't want a lawsuit they will tell your manager to knock it off.

 

I too was expected to work on my days off (for no pay, I am hourly). I went to HR and disingenuously asked the HR manager if I was supposed to be working on my days off without reporting my hours. He HAD to say no, that was not permitted. I then announced that every time I was asked to work on my days off I would be reporting my hours which would be all OT and that this was at the direction of the HR manager. The "expectation" stopped immediately.

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The only part of you that "sucks" is the same thing I'm afflicted with: the people-pleasing mentality. The fact that you want to please everyone, so people suck more and more out of you. People who have purchased their homes, but are now having issues, pull on you because you're probably the only one who responds. Management demands that you call back in minutes, because they rely so much on you. This is like little children pulling at the pant leg of the only person they feel they can count on.

 

Unfortunately, when you are a people-pleaser and you are in a professional world of takers, you will get pulled on and pulled on, until you break, which is where you are now.

 

Ever seen the movie "Wargames"? Mathew Broderick? "The only winning move is not to play".

 

You gotta get outta there.

 

My biggest piece of advice is, leave as quickly, but as quietly, as you can. Don't burn any bridges, even with people you despise. Leave on the best note possible. You were so delighted to have this opportunity, and you will work as hard as you can during your 2 weeks notice, and you thank them so much for all that you have learned. And if/when you run into people in grocery stores, you are so pleased to see them.

 

A few years after I left my most hated job ever, I ran into my boss, who treated me like crap up till the end. She asked me to help her get a job at my new company! I told my new boss, who I adored, and I told him the whole story, and he told me to tell her that we "never" have openings....ha ha. Karma, baby.

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"My biggest piece of advice is, leave as quickly, but as quietly, as you can. Don't burn any bridges, even with people you despise. Leave on the best note possible. You were so delighted to have this opportunity, and you will work as hard as you can during your 2 weeks notice, and you thank them so much for all that you have learned. And if/when you run into people in grocery stores, you are so pleased to see them."

 

Completely agree- unless there is actual discrimination or harassment please don't sue or threaten or go to HR - not familiar with labor laws but when I worked as you did because I was salaried we didn't get overtime and yes I was on call 24/7 including on vacation -totally "legal" and totally what i signed up for to get the experience and the $. But had i experienced actual harassment/discrimination I likely would have reported it. Big difference. It's not fair but it's a small world and if you complain you likely will get a reputation as a complainer or as someone who needed accommodations when everyone else is working under these conditions. Not fair but also reality if you want to stay in this or a related professional capacity.

 

I loved being home full time. Loved -despite how hard I worked with no family around and little help other than from my husband who traveled a lot. I was in my 40s by then, and working as hard as I did with all the sleep deprivation made caring for a newborn/baby/toddler a much much easier adjustment.

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Thank you everyone, your insight has really helped. Especially the post of those who have been in my situation. It is so true that management would be no help, because I can’t even rely on them to get a light fixture ordered on time [emoji23]

 

My husband has suggested I talk to them before quitting but I know that will do nothing for me. A few years back one of my coworkers had a stroke, last year someone had a heart attack, and currently one of our agents has shingles - all stress induced. The 2 people who suffered from the heart attack and stroke were my age, in their 30’s and healthy. The agent who has shingles doesn’t even want management to know they’re from stress for fear of them taking his community away from him.

 

It’s so true, that don’t care about us, why would they? We’re all replaceable in their eyes. I guess that’s why I need to get over my people pleaser side of me so I can stop feeling bad about wanting to leave! It’s just soooo hard busting your ass and putting these people before your own family and health just for non of it to matter in the end.

 

We plan to start trying soon to have a baby soon and I would like to be more excited about it! Truthfully, I’ve never wanted kids until I married my husband. He’s very supportive and what gives me courage to be a Mom. If it wasn’t for him I would never be ready to start having a family. I’d stay miserable in this job for the next 10 yrs and probably look back regretting a lot of things. Him and a lot of people close to me have been suggesting I leave. That’s why I want to share that it wasn’t just me wanting to give up. It was the people close to me seeing how run down I look all the time. I want to stay on until I get pregnant at least, but once I start in this new community I’m going to be locked in for the next several years.

 

We’re commission paid only, so if my first 20 sales are “pre-sales” that means we are building their home from the ground up. And I won’t get paid until it’s finished - 6 months down the road. And we’re only entitled to our full commission 30 days after we resign, 1/2 our commission 31-60 days, and we’re entitled to nothing after 60 days. So when I say if I’m going to do this, the time really is now. Once I start selling in my new community I will not be able to walk away and or I’ll get nothing for all those sales I will have worked hard to get.

 

I’m so nervous and feel uneasy about going through with this!

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Thank you everyone, your insight has really helped. Especially the post of those who have been in my situation. It is so true that management would be no help, because I can’t even rely on them to get a light fixture ordered on time [emoji23]

 

My husband has suggested I talk to them before quitting but I know that will do nothing for me. A few years back one of my coworkers had a stroke, last year someone had a heart attack, and currently one of our agents has shingles - all stress induced. The 2 people who suffered from the heart attack and stroke were my age, in their 30’s and healthy. The agent who has shingles doesn’t even want management to know they’re from stress for fear of them taking his community away from him.

 

It’s so true, that don’t care about us, why would they? We’re all replaceable in their eyes. I guess that’s why I need to get over my people pleaser side of me so I can stop feeling bad about wanting to leave! It’s just soooo hard busting your ass and putting these people before your own family and health just for non of it to matter in the end.

 

We plan to start trying soon to have a baby soon and I would like to be more excited about it! Truthfully, I’ve never wanted kids until I married my husband. He’s very supportive and what gives me courage to be a Mom. If it wasn’t for him I would never be ready to start having a family. I’d stay miserable in this job for the next 10 yrs and probably look back regretting a lot of things. Him and a lot of people close to me have been suggesting I leave. That’s why I want to share that it wasn’t just me wanting to give up. It was the people close to me seeing how run down I look all the time. I want to stay on until I get pregnant at least, but once I start in this new community I’m going to be locked in for the next several years.

 

We’re commission paid only, so if my first 20 sales are “pre-sales” that means we are building their home from the ground up. And I won’t get paid until it’s finished - 6 months down the road. And we’re only entitled to our full commission 30 days after we resign, 1/2 our commission 31-60 days, and we’re entitled to nothing after 60 days. So when I say if I’m going to do this, the time really is now. Once I start selling in my new community I will not be able to walk away and or I’ll get nothing for all those sales I will have worked hard to get.

 

I’m so nervous and feel uneasy about going through with this!

 

Yes of course it's a huge change! I'd also check into your situation with health insurance if you leave and start trying to conceive. Again I'd be careful about stress levels when trying to conceive and being pregnant. Happy to PM if you like.

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Sara, forget what your coworkers complaints are (they may not produce as much sales or volume of successful sales as you). Comparing yourself to others when you are not comparable to others is just a waste of energy. Focus just on you and talk to your boss. It's not going to do you any good jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst when you haven't yet spoken with your immediate boss or the person you report to. You shouldn't be doing it to come out on top or prove anyone wrong or even to secure your job or tell your boss how terrible everyone is. You should be opening up that communication for you and learning more about the company and how they view you as an employee. Remind them of your successes and what you've achieved and ask for a formal evaluation on your work. If you truly are so dispensable despite being a 'top producer', maybe you aren't much of a top producer as you think or your people-pleasing personality may look good but it's really not that effective at all. For every give, there's a take and a transaction. The problem is your transactions with your company aren't putting you in a very good way. If you can change the nature of those transactions and work out a solution or a balance that works for you, you may still keep your job. Being a Yes-woman or jumping to conclusions however does automatically close doors.

 

If you do really feel this is the end of the road for you here, be a bit clear about your purpose and what you hope to achieve. At this rate, your stress levels are through the roof and it's anyone's guess whether you'll even conceive. You shouldn't build yourself up for a process that may end up taking awhile. I'm saying this from one woman to another (take care of yourself and your health and don't bank your hopes and dreams on having a family immediately). It may take some time and in that time, even if you quit this job, measure your energies accordingly. Don't do this rollercoaster. I wouldn't want to see you demoralized that you quit this position and are then having troubles conceiving or having a family doesn't work out. Be honest and realistic with yourself and be at peace as your present self. Appreciate what you do have in your husband and your marriage. Go for your goals and building your family but don't shift all your focus to having a family. Keep yourself balanced and diversified in your interests and goals.

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If you have an end date in sight that could help alleviate stress.

 

A coworker just gave her two week notice at work. Our jobs require a tremendous amount of patience since our departments are viewed as necessary evils by top management. She was a ball of stress, but she gave notice and is smiling again. I, however, cannot quit for a number of reasons (not the least of which is I am single and middle aged and my only source of financial support). I have to work somewhere (probably here) for 2.5 more years. But, since I'm older I know I can get through the next 2.5 years. My coworker, however, could not and didn't really need to.

 

Can you give yourself an end date? Perhaps 3 or 6 months, then you'll get out?

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the harder I worked and the more I achieved, the more harassment I started receiving from my bosses.

 

This would be the nail in their coffin, so to speak, and I'd have no qualms about leaving.

 

You've already proven to yourself that your capabilities are above average. To me, that would mean that I'm also capable of finding an employer who values me. My go-forward mentality would be that my relationships with employers are a two way street. While I'd need to earn over time an employer's trust in my judgment and work ethic, the same is true for anyone in a new position. However, foundational and mutual respect MUST be a given, and should I recognize another culture where that's not the case, I would not hesitate to give notice and walk away.

 

You've paid your tuition to learn the kind of culture you do NOT want. So your dues are paid, and you need NEVER settle for such a situation again.

 

Go in peace, and enjOy your family AND your career.

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Sorry for the delay in writing back. Been another crazy work week and I haven’t had time to logon.

Me and my husband decided September is definitely the time for me to leave. I’ll get the last of my commission from my closings around that time and will just be waiting on my next community to open. After I start selling in there it will be 6 months before I get paid on any of those homes. So might as well get out now while I have the chance.

 

However, my damn anxiety is making everything so much worse as far as trying to prepare for our future. I’m a nervous wreck about turning in my notice because I know they’re going to be pissed. If I had it in me I would stay until I got pregnant. But I don’t have the physical or mental energy to open another new community. I’m honestly too burned out to keep going.

 

I’ve always struggled with anxiety and lately I feel it’s completely out of control. Whenever I’m not at work and I actually do get down time I’m too on edge to enjoy it. When I’m not busy I start to think of all the ways I’ve let my personal life slide. Examples: filing extension on our taxes that STILL haven’t been filed, we’re in the process of building a house, our current house has been needing repairs and the list keeps growing. I’ve started having panic attack’s because there are so many important things I need to do and I only have this small window of time to do them in. Who knows when I’ll get another day off and I know I can’t do everything in a day. My health is a mess too, I’ve suddenly started putting on a lot of weight - I’m sure is from not taking the time to eat healthy or workout anymore. I just feel

overwhelmed and exhausted.

 

I was off today, and while I only had to work some of the day, the rest of it was miserable because of my anxiety. I can’t even enjoy time off because I spend it worrying non freakin stop. My husband owns his own company and works as much as I do. It doesn’t go well when I try to talk about our taxes or really anything we need to work on. He stays stressed too, so I get it - the last thing I would want to hear at the end of the day is more I need to worry about from my spouse. I told him when I quit I want to help him run the company and get our life back in order. I’m trying hard to stay focused on that as my goal. If I stay with this job my personal matters will always be low priority. I know noones life is perfect, but if we’re going to have a baby I can’t imagine trying to care for it when I’m barely holding my own head above water.

 

I’m sorry to ramble on and on.... If I don’t have some sort of outlet I feel like I might actually explode [emoji37]

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That sounds like a great decision.

Your life, health, plans for a family aren't worth sacrificing for more money that you really don't need.

I've been at burnout before myself, it's not fun. Sometimes it's for a greater goal to push like that, but it can become a way of life and before you know it...life has passed.

So don't second guess yourself now. Good things ahead!

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That sounds like a great decision.

Your life, health, plans for a family aren't worth sacrificing for more money that you really don't need.

I've been at burnout before myself, it's not fun. Sometimes it's for a greater goal to push like that, but it can become a way of life and before you know it...life has passed.

So don't second guess yourself now. Good things ahead!

 

Thank you! I know I shouldn’t be looking for validation but I totally am. I’m constantly second guessing myself, so anything positive really helps. I want to get excited about our future... but that takes overcoming my fears of what comes next!

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It's ok, I understand where you are coming from.

It took me being at my doctor's , discussing how my anxiety was impacting my health, before I felt confident to pull the trigger and leave the position I was in. I had been planning it for a while, but burnout hit me a little sooner than I had originally planned to leave. My partner and loved ones had been on me , urging me to leave as they saw how it was wearing me down. But the validation hearing from my doctor was needed for me, I guess. Hearing him say " well, it isn't sustainable working those kinds of hours, doing what you are doing, this is why your nervous system is having trouble, you need to rest".

 

And I can tell you, once that main constant stressor is gone, your body starts readjusting. I'm happier than I have been in a long time. Other worries shrink back to a more accurate perspective. I'm working out every day like I love to do, have time for the foods I like to cook, have time for baths!

 

This really is the worst part. Soon you'll be able to relax enough where excitement and your natural creativity have space to be known again, and it's wonderful, like a whole different way of life.

 

I'm excited for you.

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I'm working out every day like I love to do, have time for the foods I like to cook, have time for baths!

 

 

Have time for baths - omg that hits home lol! You would not believe the days I contemplate if I have time to shower or not. Like I REALLY need a shower, but my phones blowing up and everything’s an emergency according to my clients. So dry shampoo and body whips have become my best friend. I feel so gross but I literally don’t have time for good personal hygiene anymore, yuck!

 

I so miss doing things I enjoy. I really want to get healthy again and feel confident with my body. My husband actually asked me if someone hit me the other day. I had been working long hours and got myself so worked up that I actually looked sick. Like physically sick.... my face was pale and the circles under my eyes were dark. And if I don’t look sick I feel it. So I am looking forward to putting my health back at the top of the priority list.

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