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Thread: Shes engaged and contacting me

  1. #11
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    Your ex isn't over you and you don't sound over her, either. You sound single instead of committed to a woman for the last several years. You're goading your ex on and sending messages that you know wouldn't be acceptable to any woman you're in a relationship with--your interest is barely masked by the excuse of "playing games." You're here wondering about your ex while your girl is literally a blip in your post.

    Sounds to me like you need to be fair to your girlfriend by either dumping her so she can find a man who is more devoted, or put an end to all this ex nonsense and recommit to your current relationship if it's really what you want.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you are still in love with her and wishing and hoping she comes back. That's why you're hanging on to this. Your emotional affair never ended. You cheated on her and now you're cheating with her. It seems as though it's You who doesn't know what he wants.
    Originally Posted by Chosen1022
    -Me and my ex girlfriend have been broken up for 5 years but the last 3 1/2 years shes been reaching out to me.
    -I moved on and met someone 1 year later and still with this woman
    -Im in a different space but curious on why she continues contacting me.
    -I played alittle with her and started asking questions like "Do u miss me?"
    -One day we are having an all day text marathon and she stated there have been times she was mad at him because he wasnt me.
    -She also told me she has masturbated to thoughts of our love making
    -I even played around and asked her "Let just run away together"
    -She stated to me she wants to go out for lunch to catch up
    -should I meet up with her?

  3. #13
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    oh, you have a stalker

    It's called ghostly lover syndrome. She's not in love with her fiancee, but not in love with you either, but does not have a another man on the horizon. She thinks only about the good times but forgets the bad when she contacts you, and does not realize that the love is dead. If you two got together, you would soon realize that the love was not there anymore, it's just a fantasy. You get one chance at love per person.

    It's a lost cause, all contacting her will do is waste your time at the least, or worst case, you will feel the pain of rejection. If she stirs your emotions at all, or you are tempted, I would shut it down by cutting contact with her.

  4. #14
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    Ask your gf of 4 years her opinion?
    And ask her has her ex said he masturbates over her?
    Why do you allow an ex to contact you 5 years later?
    And all the time in between?

    Do your gf a favour and end the relationship. You clearly donít love her anyway.
    Your ex doesnít care for you , she is just in another soon to be failed relationship.
    And messaging you for an upper. Iím sure she is grateful for your attention if that makes you feel better?

  5.  

  6. #15
    Thank you all for you advice. Update: after reading most of your post I took the responsibility to speak with the woman I'm with and I exposed the contacting from my ex. My lady was upset as anyone would be but most of you were right and there were questions believe me I asked myself about myself in this matter. Why did I care so much on why she contact me? I guess apart of me wanted to feel and hear her regretting on letting me go. Maybe I was hoping not to get back but she would say "I'm sorry and wrong about you cheating". Anyway I decided to tell my lady we should take a break because its its obviously some issues I still dealing with. I just wanted to know why after all these years why even reach out especially when ur engaged. But it's unfair to my lady and definitely to her man. So I called my ex and told her to stop contacting me. All she asked was why. I never even answered just hung up.
    I guest all I wanted to hear was she messed up by dumping me and regrets it but I'm sure I wont get that but ok,it's ok, it's time to get me right. Thanks everyone.

  7. #16
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    It's also unfair to your lady to ask her to wait around while you get yourself right.

    Don't do a "break". Let her completely go so she can find a man who isn't sexting with an ex.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Chosen1022
    Thank you all for you advice. Update: after reading most of your post I took the responsibility to speak with the woman I'm with and I exposed the contacting from my ex. My lady was upset as anyone would be but most of you were right and there were questions believe me I asked myself about myself in this matter. Why did I care so much on why she contact me? I guess apart of me wanted to feel and hear her regretting on letting me go. Maybe I was hoping not to get back but she would say "I'm sorry and wrong about you cheating". Anyway I decided to tell my lady we should take a break because its its obviously some issues I still dealing with. I just wanted to know why after all these years why even reach out especially when ur engaged. But it's unfair to my lady and definitely to her man. So I called my ex and told her to stop contacting me. All she asked was why. I never even answered just hung up.
    I guest all I wanted to hear was she messed up by dumping me and regrets it but I'm sure I wont get that but ok,it's ok, it's time to get me right. Thanks everyone.
    Thank you for the update. It's rare to see someone who has been thoroughly chastised for their behaviour to have the guts to come back in and admit their mistakes.

    Work on yourself now and learn from your situation and this thread so that you go forth being a better partner to a woman that is devoted to you. Online fluff isn't anything to lose a good woman over.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Chosen1022
    I just wanted to know why after all these years why even reach out especially when ur engaged.
    This could have easily have been a thread titled "Why is he still communicated with me and telling me he wants to run away with me even though I am engaged"

    You could very well lose your girlfriend over this, especially asking for a break. To me, that admits guilt. She should have been the one to decide whether she wants to stay, go, etc. You do understand that you are probably broken up now, right?

    If so, i think that you should stay single and get yourself in order.
    not "dating with no commitments" - but working on being a better human.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think you did the right thing. You can't possibly lose anyone you never had legitimately in the first place, especially if you were running around behind someone's back or speaking to an ex on the side trying to figure out your past or find closure for all or most of the relationship. It was a sham and it's over. You've learned your lesson hopefully. Take that time out to yourself and it's a good idea not to leave anyone hanging or waiting around for you.

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