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Thread: Confused 😕

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Harleygirl
    Ok what happened was we both ride motorcycles so we were going under a light and the light turns yellow I had no choice because it changed right while I was passing last time we were at that intersection he told me he didn't want to get a ticket because of the camera light obviously I'm very cautious but it did turn when I was underneath it so I was continuing to ride home which was down the street I look in my mirror and he's vanished I'm thinking maybe he's still at the light or maybe he went to the store gas station I go home waiting nothing half an hour passes 45 minutes passes I ride him you know hello everything okay where you at you know no answer yes I was wrong to go to his house but I was stunned and didn't know what happened we were on good terms everything was fine. I come to realize he probably doesn't have as much feelings for me as I do for him obviously you know actions show that and my insecurities and self-confidence made me stay with him longer than I should have but you know when you follow your heart not your mind sometimes that's a mistake to make.
    So: What will you do? I hope you love yourself more than your fear of being without him. He's a chuckler so chuck him already.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Did you apologize, I mean properly where you tell him you didn't mean to upset him, etc? Have you two talked about things openly and decently with one another?

    I never base someones upset on words like 'petty' because what's upset him, might not have upset you or visa versa, but either way, it's an upset and feelings need to be validated without being belittling and saying his upset wasn't necessary or okay.

    If you two cannot communicate properly with one another then it's a huge sign that you are not compatible and it won't work.

    Doing the blaming game though, won't work. It's you as a couple that does not work right.

    You also chasing him down like that won't work. You start to look like you're begging and that's no good, and it will start to come off as annoying.

    After the upset, look back on the situation, figure out where the upset came from, if you said or did something, apologize graciously or explain that you didn't mean it, etc.
    If it's not received well, then leave it.

    You don't need to beg.

    If he is getting upset easily or won't forgive, then perhaps he doesn't care for you like he said he did.

    Either way, you've done enough, let him be. If you do talk again, it will be him getting a hold of you, but don't message or chase anymore.

  3. #13
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    Ok - under the circumstances that you described, I take it back. I DO think it was perfectly reasonable to go looking for him under the circumstances. He disappeared on you and he could have easily been hit by a truck or something. Ambush ok. He was in the wrong, IMO.

    ... but yeah, this guy is immature at best. He was trying to “teach you a lesson” by disappearing instead of having an adult conversation.

    Maybe it’s as another poster said and he has commitment issues. Either way, he’s not relationship material. You need a partner, not a “teacher”.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    There is more than one occasion there in the first post where he was rude and unwilling to elaborate more on why he lashes out at her. I can understand a brief lapse in judgment and moodiness but not like this. Normally I'd suggest they talk things out and be sincere with each other but in each incident, he does not seem willing to talk with her at all. Actually it doesn't seem like he wants anything to do with her.

    It might be a good idea to go with your gut instincts on this one, OP, and be truthful and realistic about the way this person makes you feel in general and the way he treats you. If it doesn't feel good, it's probably not a good situation.

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  6. #15
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    So he's bi-polar....still no excuse for the way he treats you.

    He doesn't want to get married because he knows divorce is expensive.

  7. #16
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    I agree Rose. Regardless of what his "issues" are - commitment fears (as I suggested earlier) - or something else, it's pretty clear he's not capable or even desirous of being in anything even remotely resembling a healthy loving relationship.

    Harley, not sure why you're still there tolerating all this crapola, I certainly would not be that's for sure.

    But best of luck whatever you decide.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    So he's bi-polar....still no excuse for the way he treats you.
    Harley did not say he was bi-polar, she asked if he was bi-polar.

    Originally Posted by Harleygirl
    is he bi polar

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. Surely this isn't the first time he's acting this obnoxious, no? He may be fun, but he's too moody, broody, edgy, etc for a stable happy relationship. Hard to say if he's a run of the mill jerk, wants to keep up some sort of middle-aged bad-boy image or what. Pull back and don't contact him and don't show up at his place.

    Never play into his nonsense and apologize for him being a horse's ass. Rethink this whole thing and decide if you want some arrogant geriatric Easy Rider or a bf who respects you. Join another motorcycle club, try to meet other guys who have the same interests but are not trying to project a rebel-without-a-cause image.
    Originally Posted by Harleygirl
    i texted him. hello r u alive
    he responds no

  10. #19
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Take the gift back and move on. Who needs a guy like that in their life? Nobody.

  11. #20
    Well when i look back he did this one other time and it looks like hes punishing me..but he never wb i saw him at a event and we started talking..he never expressed himself or apologised for his action..i think hes at that selfish phase if she leaves ne i dont care..and now i def got the hint..im done no more overlooking the red flags..and back to the drawing board and building my esteem and self worth back up..

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