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Thread: Manipulation?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    Exactly.

    Either he isnít as bad as she says he is, or sheís got some issues that keep her in a codependent place (which pushes me to take her side of the story with a grain of salt).
    Which pushes me to think that she truly believes that what he does is as bad as she says he is. Codependency issues is what keeps her with him as well as fear of being alone and hope that he will change. I still think he is as bad as she paints him. The issue is, why does she stay with him if he is.

    Regardless OP, all the advice is still the same. This isnít a good relationship as is, so either take steps together to improve or walk away.
    It takes two to take those steps and the chances look rather dim that he will even make the effort nor do either of them know what steps to take that would make this a happy, reciprocal, loving union so my vote is she ditch him for good, work on her own issues to get to the stage of being the best her that she can be and leave him in the dust.

    Cheers!

  2. #12
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    When you're resorting to putting each other "on probation' in a relationship, the relationship really needs to just end.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    You guys are responding as if her side is 100% truthful and objective. Iím sure if her bf posted his side of all this, weíd be telling him that he has a gf who doesnít care to listen to what he needs and itís no wonder heís losing patience with her.
    That may very be true, but nevertheless it still does not negate his behavior, does it?

    Like I said, this sick dom/sub game he's playing -- I mean she must follow his "rules" or else (i.e. she must obey), being on "probation," him threatening "punishment" by withdrawing if she doesn't obey?

    Sounds more like a dictatorship than a relationship, and as for why she stays, imo on some level she enjoys it, many women enjoy that type of dominance. Whether consciously or subconsciously. Even though they complain about it.

    But she stays so that tells me she enjoys it. I am not even judging her for it, if that's her thing.

    Just saying that it's obvious she enjoys it, whether it's codependency or not, otherwise she'd leave.

    I am curious about your sex life OP, does he place a collar around your neck and demand you perform certain sexual acts on him and obey him?

    Has he ever told you during sex or on other occasions that he "owns" you?

    Just curious.

  4. #14
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    I like some of the things you guys are doing with the probation and making lists and trying hard to work things out.......I wish more people would do such things. It's not silly at all, it's very smart. Why throw a relationship in the toilet if you can work things out?

    However, there are other things you could do. For one thing, some healthy space apart could be good...... absence makes the heart grow fonder.......don't talk/see each other as much. Maybe once a week? And just call to set a date. The quality time together is more important. And I highly recommend counseling.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    I like some of the things you guys are doing with the probation and making lists and trying hard to work things out.......I wish more people would do such things. It's not silly at all, it's very smart. Why throw a relationship in the toilet if you can work things out?

    However, there are other things you could do. For one thing, some healthy space apart could be good...... absence makes the heart grow fonder.......don't talk/see each other as much. Maybe once a week? And just call to set a date. The quality time together is more important. And I highly recommend counseling.
    But only SHE is on "probation". You think it's fair that she has restrictions and needs to prove herself to him but he doesn't have to do a thing except judge her on her "progress"?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    I like some of the things you guys are doing with the probation and making lists and trying hard to work things out.......I wish more people would do such things. It's not silly at all, it's very smart. Why throw a relationship in the toilet if you can work things out?

    However, there are other things you could do. For one thing, some healthy space apart could be good...... absence makes the heart grow fonder.......don't talk/see each other as much. Maybe once a week? And just call to set a date. The quality time together is more important. And I highly recommend counseling.
    Lets see if she becomes a good doggy and goes on the paper or outside every.single.time. I suspect he'll hit her over the nose with a rolled up newspaper if she slips up.

    Lists by one person while the other holds court over her is not a good thing IMNSHO

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Nobody can control you without your consent.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The OP posted this thread in the 'Abuse and Violence' forum.
    Originally Posted by indea08
    So many people here are so quick to whip out ďabusiveĒ talk.

  10. #19
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    Probation? How is that even in the vocabulary of your relationship? Him putting you on probation is his way of showing that he owns the relationship. Does he give you a treat when you follow orders?

    Run. As fast as you can. He is not worth your time.

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