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Thread: I feel my girlfriend is too restrictive

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2019

    I feel my girlfriend is too restrictive

    So basically we are both young and each otherís first everything pretty much. I feel sheís restricting me too much at this point t and we are constantly arguing every day. Now this is back story to inform the reader to maybe find out where this all went wrong. Everything major Iíve done ď wrong ď

    1) found a new girl two months after my gf broke up with me and went on a date with her then the next day my gf and I went on a date.
    2) I hung out with a very good (girl) friend of mine and we went thrifting all day and ate dinner after. Nothing brazy and she knows I donít loke her
    3) I had A friend of mine ďMĒ come to my house with two other guys for a little and didnít tell my GF.

    Now I understand why someone could be mad about certain things. But hereís a lists she gets mad about and things that bother me

    1) if I hangout with a group of friends and if thereís on single girl she will get annoyed.

    2) she got mad I wanted to go to a friends b day party with my bros and didnít invite her. M

    3) She gets mad at me for smoking and act like I can just stop one day when Iím pretty addicted.

    4) She can be very childish even when Im trying to have a serious convo.

    5) Iím not allowed to go with my friends to my GFís friends party Bc she canít make it.

    6) Iím not allowed to join a frat even tho she knows itís my life dream.

    7) I have to constantly give her my attention and call her every night. Yes I text her but when Iím with my friends I donít rlly go on my phone and it makes her mad.

    8) Iím not allowed to go to a party with my friends only, she has to be there.

    9) if I get High I need to tell her... but when I tel her she gets mad at me so thereís literally no point in telling her.

    10) Iím not allowed to give girls rides to a common destination even tho we part ways right when we get out the car.

    11) she thinks my friend will influence me to do bad things to hurt her.

    12) if me and my friends and my gf are all together she expect me to give her my attention the whole time over my friends and gets mad/sad if I donít

    13) she got mad me and 5 friends slept over at someoneís house (a girls) because we were too intoxicated to drive home

    14) she got mad I forgot to tell her I was home at 4am after I decided to wait to sober up before going home. I was tired af didnít even put my phone on the charger

    15) she pretty much doesnít like my friends and wants my attention 24/7

    Now today is her birthday and I sent her an essay on how much I love her. All she could reply is ďyou didnít even call me ?Ē Itís 12am btw. So I call her and talk a bit but Iím busy and said ill call her back in 10. It takes longer and was actually another 40 min till I was done and she goes on a fat rant and cried and makes me feel like sh*t Because I didnít call her. So we get in another argument ! How fun ! Just bc I was busy sheís mad at me ! I didnít want this to go on the arguing so I told her Iím tried if this all. All the arguing and we need to fix it. We keep going on and on and the whole time Iím being serious while sheís being sarcastic and childish. I tell her how I feel and she tells me itís been a cycle and she doesnít see it getting any better. I told her (in a nice way obviously) I feel sheís controlling and has no trust in me as well as very stubborn and can never admit sheís wrong.

    She flipped out (obviously)
    Childish x100
    Sarcasm x100

    Now Iíll admit it I say a lot of white lies mostly about if Iím getting high or smoking but most of the time I just donít say anything. I donít flat out lie and say I didnít do it. She tells me I can tell her but when I do she gets mad

    We ďbroke upĒ but obviously this isnít over
    And I just wanted to see other peopleís opinions about this.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    It may be best to end it and enjoy being single. You seem to get on each other's nerves too much. Join a frat, be a stoner, get it all out of your system.
    Originally Posted by Yoyo46
    She gets mad at me for smoking and act like I can just stop one day when Iím pretty addicted.
    Iím not allowed to join a frat even tho she knows itís my life dream.
    she got mad me and 5 friends slept over at someoneís house (a girls) because we were too intoxicated to drive home

  3. #3
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    You are obviously not a good match, let her go, and find a girl who is more relaxed.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    This isnít a relationship. This is a dictatorship. Break up with her, block her number, and go live your college life!! You will never get these days back. After college, real life starts. House, bills, kids, work, and those responsibilities will last the rest of your life. Youíll never be this free to enjoy life again. And youíre really going to regret wasting this time being policed by some psycho girlfriend.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    You have found out why you may be attracted to her--at first. Her attentions are way intense, all focused on you. sounds nice, right?

    But, the catch is, you cannot have any other interest in return.

    if you are in college, this is way to restrictive!

    Actually, in your whole life it is the same way. married or not.

    You are young, single, and in college. enjoy that--away from her.

    Make new friends, date other people. Not all of the women are so controlling. Avoid the ones who are.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Central Canada
    She is a typical young woman who is insecure in her relationship because her boyfriend (likely) if very often not making her his priority. I read in your opening post that you are often out one on one with your female friends (that, IMO, should change when you are in a committed relationship). You are often out with your friends wherein she's not invited., You get drinking too much to drive and she's at home wondering what you're doing without her.

    There is a lot of taking for granted and when that happens, resentment occurs. When someone is not being made to feel valued, then insecurity and anxiety and attempts to control comes into play.

    I think you are both far too young to be in anything serious or exclusive, (at least you are, I think she would be a lot less insecure/controlling with someone that was more mature and into exclusive relationships wherein it is known that nurturing of that relationship needs to take place). As such, you stay single now that you've broken up and go off an drink and hang out one on one with your female friends, drink and smoke and hookup (because it's clear that is the head space you are currently in) and let her find someone more compatible to her readiness to be coupled up.

    Good luck at college and your frat house. Don't forget to study and get good grades. You are there to get a degree after all.

    I've 'schooled' you enough now... peace out!

  8. #7
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    You're on your way to a controlling restrictive relationship where you pay attention to her and then go back in the closet like a tool she uses when she wants to. Break up with her and stay broken up. Did your gf initiate that date after finding out you went out with another girl? Seriously just break up with her and never go back to her no matter what. it's just not worth it, you're going to waste your life on her. Also try to quit smoking cause that's just as bad as this girlfriend.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    British Columbia, Canada
    You're both not meant to be together...not even remotely. I see where her concerns are but that she's with you in the first place and not recognizing that you're not compatible is equally as unsavoury. Both of you should cool it and let this relationship run its course/die out. She's very unhappy around you and is expecting a different type of relationship. You both also seem to have different personalities and are on different levels of commitment with very different language/communication styles. Date around more and meet other women and see what relationships are about and what it takes.

    Right now you're a bit cocky (sorry, I'm being honest) and PO'd at her. You think you're supposed to have free rein hanging out with anyone you want and telling her (selectively) when you're high or when you smoke even though you know it bothers her. Here's a reality check: In relationships there are boundaries and it's up to a couple what is ok and what is not ok. She's entitled to feeling uncomfortable about your friends or whatever girls are around you. It's a litmus test also for how much you both trust each other and how well your personalities get along.

    Another reality check: The stability of home or a relationship often depends on a partner's good decisions and decisions that each partner can trust and depend on. You're just not that type of guy for her. You might not tell bad lies but you omit info. Omissions of truths are just as bad as lies and you shouldn't be lying to get away with being with who you are. Neither of you are behaving respectfully to each other and I get it. You don't feel good either. Take that time out for real and don't rush back into anything with her. You both don't sound good for each other and are bringing out the worst in each other.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    It's a no brainer, you are not right for each other. Why you stuck it out this far is beyond me. Tip: you date those who treat you the way you want to be treated and make each other happy.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Well, some things, like smoking, getting high, and hanging out or going on what looks like dates without ever introducing these singe women too her are bad, and she has a right to mention it, she is actually trying to help you.

    But she may have an issue. Google narcissist, commonly called control freak. You have some reading to do.

    Also, some healthy space apart might be good if you don;t live with her, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

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