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Thread: She is job hopping, and it worries me

  1. #1
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    She is job hopping, and it worries me

    Hey all, been a while since I've been on here, but I find myself in a new spot:

    I've been with my girlfriend (24) for 1 year and 3 months. When we first started dating, she had a meh job at a bookstore on a college campus.
    After a couple months of being together, she found herself a job at a law firm which she was really excited about.

    She worked there for about 4 months before quitting due to discussing the feedback she would get from her equals and boss being abusive. The way she discussed things made it seem like they were just jerks who couldn't own up to their own mistakes, and took it out on her.

    She left that job and worked a bar tending gig for another 4 months while finding another job at a construction place as office personnel.

    She loved her job there, but saw it as a dead end since it was a corporate company dissolving, and all branches becoming private. She felt the lack of a corporate ladder would be a hindrance. So while she was working, she would job search on the clock...
    After finding her current gig, she left her bar tending gig, and submitted her 2 weeks to the construction place.
    She was caught job searching at that place, so that bridge has been burnt.

    She opted to take another job at the mall I work at, in a different store. But quit that because she didn't want to work that much (totally understood, but wasn't a fan of her just quitting)

    She's been with this new job for about 3 months, and it's similar to the law firm, similar complaints. But the issue here is that we have friends who work the same company, and their perspectives of the job are WILDLY different. So her selling it as some toxic environment where she is just bullied is tough to accept. This time it's even more difficult since she is now on a PDP after making copious amounts of mistakes. So when consoling her, I do my best to hear her perspective, but am having a difficult time confronting her view/influence on the circumstances she is being handed.

    She has opted to be distant to anyone who has given her any form of criticism that isn't positive..... And the fact that she can't realy argue she is doing what she should sounds far too similar to what happened at the law firm.



    All of this info aside, my concern boils down to this: I have confronted her by stating that she should focus more on what she can do to make the circumstances she lives within better, but not just count losses due to her first real doses of feedback from her new job. Also not assuming everyone hates her just because they are paid to be in charge and give her feedback/acknowledge their mistakes. I also haven't denied any possibility of a toxic environment, but stressed that I don't work there, so I have no true objective perspective on what she is dealing with from the other side.


    This puts my thoughts of her stressing moving in together, and myself working on getting promoted/finding a higher paying gig after just graduating. I make enough to live minimally while paying my debts off, but when I mention the fact that we shouldn't push for moving in together just because it's sought after, but wait until we are both in a decent place; she just brings up the possibility of rough patches in the future.
    I don't disagree with that, but I also would rather prepare than just hope for the best, and only make the move when we both are ready and able



    I apologize if this isn't the clearest of statements/posts, I'm still sorting out these thoughts. Any input/discussion would be greatly appreciated!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Lost count, but 5 jobs in one year? I get jobs may not always be what you expected them to be, but she is the common denominator here.
    Do you know her work history prior to meeting her? Does she do similar things in other areas of her life?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    I wouldn't move in with someone who changes jobs so often. Imo, if you do so, you risk end up paying for the whole rent plus utilities if she ends up unemployed. She needs to settle on the job front first.

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    reinventmyself: That's exactly what I'm saying.

    With this one, I suggested she commit to any struggle she faces and learn to adapt some more.

    She worked in a cafe as a barista for a good long time, then a deli before that


    She's trying to utilize her BA in public relations/communication, and it's not serving her well :/

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    Clio: I honestly have no intent unless there is something more resemblance of stability.

    I haven't hit the point of "we are done since this worries me too much", but the fact that I have my own student loans to worry about, I have no intent of adding to the struggle of my own responsibilities by worrying if I'll have to flip the bills for us to maintain a relationship

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    Tap the brakes on the relationship. Do not move in together. She is not stable yet. It can take awhile to land on your feet in non-tech careers. However, if she wants to use her degree she is not going about it correctly.

    BUT it is not your job to gatekeep her career moves. It is on her.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    How old are you, if I may ask?

    She sounds, well, like a lot of 24-year-olds. Bouncing around, looking for something that sticks, probably being a bit unrealistic and overly idealistic about the whole thing. That's not a bad thing. Some people need to bounce around a lot, either to find something that genuinely sticks, or, more likely, to have a change in mindset—a softening, a broadening—about how the business of being a grownup really goes.

    I completely understand your frustration, of course. But these aren't really things we can teach somebody. We can only decide if we're with someone who is at a place in life that compliments the place we're in.

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    jimthzz:

    That's how I view it, and I'm doing my best to be patient. But she's the one pressing for the move in. I tell her every time that we both have bigger fish to fry before we make that a priority. She doesn't see it that way....

  10. #9
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    bluecastle: I'm 30, and I fully see your point. I shifted a good bit at that age, but not to the level of frequency that she has. I always made it a staple to stick to a job for at least 1 year (with the exclusion of olive garden, since it was the worst job I have ever worked). Then again, I never received such frequent negative feedback that hindered my ability to do my job as it does with her (she takes it very personally, and she knows it). Hence why it's tough for me to be objective with her

  11. #10
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Well, that kind of explains it.

    When she's 30 and you're 36 those six years between you will feel a lot narrower than they do right now, and when you're 39 and she's 33—well, that's where you'll feel more like genuine peers in the same stage of life.

    But, alas, right now she is 24. Different place in life, big time, to say nothing of being a different person than you. So probably best, honestly, to not worry about all this but instead focus on what you like about the age difference—or if, ugh, what you liked about it, say, at the beginning or six months ago isn't as compelling right now as you start to think about bigger things like living together, building a future.

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